


The Faith Inside Me

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blackmail, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Musicians, Mutual Pining, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-10-26 22:02:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 67,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17754284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Eggsy takes his little sister for guitar lessons and finds that the quiet grumpy teacher used to be the bass player for one of the biggest rock bands in the world.  Except that's not who the man is anymore, and not who he wants to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics of all songs are by Breaking Benjamin unless otherwise noted. I saw them in concert a few months ago and their bass player looks incredibly like Mark Strong, at least from far away and on a screen LOL. That's what inspired this story. Please see my tumblr for the pix!

ONE

“Shh, it’s all right, Daisy.” Eggsy digs through a box until he finds what he wants, a pair of headphones given to him by his best mate Jamal on his birthday. “Here, put these on.”

“Paw Patrol,” she demands, wiping at her nose.

“Yeah, okay.” He hooks the headphones into his phone and opens YouTube. “Paw Patrol. There ya go, love.” He cuddles her close, wincing as he hears a glass break in the other room. 

“Ya kept that fuckin’ idiot of a son alive this long, Michelle, I know yer capable of fuckin’ cookin’ a decent meal. This is shite! Start over!”

Eggsy clenches his fists, doing everything he can to keep from returning to the kitchen to beat his stepfather senseless. Instead he rocks Daisy a bit until she falls asleep watching videos. Once she’s good and gone he tucks her into his bed and sits on the floor, scrolling through his phone. He looks up and sighs. He wishes he could do something to get them out of this place, away from Dean. But he’s her father and Michelle still refuses to leave him. Eggsy doesn’t make much at his job as a courier in the city and he’s trying to squirrel away a small amount each month. But Daisy deserves something better, something different. A bit of sunshine in her rainy life. He looks around his dingy bedroom and sighs, his eyes falling on the guitar in the corner. He’d gotten it secondhand and taught himself how to play, although it’s been a long time since he’s picked it up. He’s surprised Dean hasn’t tried to sell it…that’s probably only because it’s obviously not worth much.

He looks up at Daisy, her little hand thrown over the edge of the bed. He kisses her fingertips as an idea starts brewing. He does research on his phone for almost an hour before getting up and stretching, jotting a phone number down on his arm before he gets up. He goes into his closet and pulls out a battered shoebox. Inside the box are a pair of disgustingly smelly and filthy footie cleats, and inside the toe of one of the cleats is a small Ziploc bag. He counts the money inside and nods to himself. 

Eggsy picks up his phone and dials the number on his forearm. He’s not surprised when voicemail picks up. “Mr. McNair. I saw yer ad online…says ya have interview times between five an’ six? I’d like ta talk to ya about gettin’ my sister lessons.” He leaves his name and number and hangs up. Almost immediately the phone rings back.

“This is Hamish McNair. You rang about guitar lessons?” The voice is low and thick with a Scottish brogue. Eggsy thinks it almost sounds musical.

“Yes, I did.”

“Why don’t you and your sister come to the shop between half-five and six tomorrow?”

Eggsy quickly does some calculations. “That should work, can be home from work in time.”

“Very well. See you then.”

 

Dean looks suspicious the next morning as soon as Eggsy offers to take Daisy out for dinner after work. “Where’s tha fuckin’ windfall comin’ from, Muggsy?”

“Saved up a bit…just enough for me an’ my favorite girl ta get fish an’ chips tonight.” Eggsy smiles at his six-year-old sister.

“Ya never had extra money before.”

“C’mon, love, leave him be,” Michelle says quickly. “Means me an’ you will be home alone for a bit, yeah?”

Eggsy winces as he always does when Michelle uses sex to placate her husband. “Do what ya want, won’t hurt none ta have tha brat outta my hair for a bit,” Dean grumbles.

“C’mon, Daisy. Time ta wash up an’ get ready for school.” Eggsy glares at Dean as he pulls out her chair and she runs to the loo. “Dunno why ya act like she’s such a bother…ya don’t do nothin’ for her anyway. An’ it was you stickin’ yer dick in it every chance ya get that got her here in tha first place.”

Dean’s fist explodes across his cheekbone. “Watch yer fuckin’ mouth, Muggsy.”

“Dean!” Michelle grabs his arms. “Eggsy, babe…”

“All right,” Eggsy says angrily. Thankfully his employer thinks he’s a klutz that walks into doors and falls a lot while hurrying around town with their packages. He shows up with bruises more often than not. 

He gets Daisy out the door to school and hurries to the closest Tube station to get to work. His day passes by uneventfully, although slowly. He’s excited to give Daisy something to smile about. Even if she isn’t any good, the one-on-one attention from someone other than her brother will do her good. He meets her at home, quickly changes clothes and slides the wad of cash into his pocket, and hurries her out the door. They’re going to just make it within the window offered by the music instructor.

“If I get on the radio, Eggsy, I’m gonna write a song about you,” Daisy decides, skipping along as she holds his hand. 

“Thank ya, Daisy, that’s sweet,” Eggsy says with a smile. “But first we have to find out if Mr. McNair can even take ya as a student.”

“He will. You’ll tell him to and he will,” she says determinedly. 

Eggsy smiles at the faith his sister has in his abilities. They hurry down the pavement to a tiny shop without a sign. McNair Music is instead painted on the window of the store in beautiful flowing green script. “Guess this is it.” He bends down to straighten her blouse and tuck in the pockets of her jeans. He tugs at his own jacket and opens the door.

A tall bald man briefly glances up from where he’s restringing a guitar. “The ice cream shop is the next block over. Or if ye are looking for the crèche, they were next door and closed six months ago.” He goes back to his work.

“I’m too big for a crèche,” Daisy announces.

“Hush,” Eggsy scolds. “I’m here for Hamish McNair…we have an appointment ta talk about guitar lessons?”

The man looks up at him. “Your name?” His eyes immediately go to the bruise on Eggsy’s cheek.

“Gary Unwin.”

“No, that’s not your name,” Daisy says. “It’s Eggsy.”

“Daisy, hush,” Eggsy begs. The man gives him an odd look. “My name is Gary, but I go by Eggsy. Family nickname…it’s all she knows.”

“I see.” The man stands up and puts down the guitar. His body is long and lean and he’s wearing jeans and a tan jumper. His profile is sharp but handsome. His hazel eyes run over Eggsy and suddenly his stern face looks troubled. Eggsy turns his face a bit, hiding the bruise on his cheek.

“We spoke…last night? I told ya I wanted ta set up lessons for my sister?” Eggsy suddenly feels uncomfortable. The man looks very unhappy, and there’s also something about his face that makes Eggsy twitch a bit.

Daisy tugs her hand from his and goes to look at some posters on the wall. Eggsy keeps one eye on her and one on the tall Scottish man. “I am Hamish McNair, and I do remember talking to ye. I am nae that ancient, lad. Ye said the lessons were for your sister, nae your daughter.”

“She IS my sister. I don’t…I don’t have a daughter.” Eggsy’s not sure why he’s blushing.

“I am sorry. I cannae give her lessons.”

Eggsy blinks at him, suddenly furious. “Why not? Is it cuz I don’t talk all posh? Cuz her clothes are second-hand? Cuz we’re from tha wrong part of town?”

“Nae. I would never judge anyone for their home or their clothing.” The man huffs out a breath. “I dinnae teach children.”

“Why not? Isn’t that why people become teachers?”

“Hardly,” the man snorts. “And it is most definitely not why I became a teacher.”

“I…” Eggsy stands up as straight as he can, although the man still towers over him by a good ten centimeters. “I demand ta know why.”

“Oh you do.” A smile teases at the edge of the man’s mouth until he seems to remember that he’s supposed to look grumpy. “Because children are loud and annoying and dinnae take any of it seriously.”

“You don’t know that about every child.”

“I know enough. I made the mistake of teaching children when I opened my business and learned the hard way. They also have a habit of touching things without asking.” Mr. McNair slowly turns his head to where Daisy is seated at a piano in the corner. “Perhaps ye should spend less time yelling at me, Mr. Unwin, and more time watching your sister.”

“Do NOT tell me how to care for her,” Eggsy hisses. “Daisy…”

Daisy seems oblivious to them both. She eagerly runs her fingers over the keys of the piano before beginning to pick out notes with one hand. “God save our gracious Queen…long live our noble Queen…God save the Queen…” Eggsy and Mr. McNair both gape at her as she sings. “Send her victorious…happy and glorious…long to reign over us…God save the Queen…”

“How…how’d ya learn that, flower?” Eggsy asks weakly.

“Last week they had that special dance thing at school where ya had ta pay an’ get a slip signed? Didn’t do that, so they let me sit in tha music room. They got a piano there, not as nice as this one.”

“Ya never said there was special thing ya had ta pay for, Daisy!”

“Know we don’t have any money,” she says simply, and starts to play the song again.

“Your name is Daisy?” Mr. McNair folds himself onto the piano bench next to her.

“Yes, sir. Daisy Michelle Baker.”

“Miss Baker, my name is Mr. McNair. Do ye know your ABCs?”

“Course,” she says, obviously offended. 

“My apologies. Now in music, we only use part of the ABCs. It’s silly, I know, but it’s how it’s always been done. We go A-B-C-D-E-F-G and then start over again.” He places her finger on a white key. “This is middle C, where most things start. Can ye remember what I said about the special ABCs? Start here and spell them out for me. Make your fingers run up the keys like a mouse.”

“Okay,” she says with a giggle. “C…D…E…F…G…” Daisy starts to say H but catches herself. “A…B…C…” 

“Very good.” He closes the cover of the piano so she’s forced to pay attention to him. “Now, Miss Baker, if ye are to come take lessons from me on the guitar, you must promise not to touch anything without asking. Some things are dangerous here, others are valuable, and I dinnae want ye to get hurt, or to accidentally break something. Do ye understand?”

“Yes, Mr. McNair.”

“You may play some more if you like.” He opens the cover and stands up. “This way, Mr. Unwin. We can see her from the office.” He leads Eggsy to a tiny office and leaves the door open so they can see Daisy. “Ye dinnae mention she has talent.”

“I had no clue,” Eggsy says in astonishment. “Makes me a little mad she didn’t tell me about the function at school, woulda got the money somehow.” 

“About that. What exactly do you do for a living, Mr. Unwin?”

“I…I’m a courier downtown. Run mail from one business to another…packages an’ the like.” Eggsy swallows hard. “I saw yer prices on the website, can afford one lesson a week, I think.” He digs into his pocket and puts the cash on the desk. “This will cover the first two months.”

“That is fine. We can discuss all that later,” Mr. McNair says. He looks Eggsy over again and then winces. Eggsy waits for an explanation but none is forthcoming. Eggsy continues to study the man, wondering what about the teacher makes him so uncomfortable. “How are Thursdays at half-six?”

“That will work, I think. I’ll tell Mum an’ Dean I got her into a free program for somethin’.” Eggsy blushes. Even though an explanation is not required, he continues, “Her dad…my stepdad…he ain’t much for extracurriculars.”

“I see. Do you have an instrument at home she can practice on?”

“Yeah.”

“All right then. I will see you and Miss Baker on Thursday at half-six.” He shakes Eggsy’s hand.

They return to the main room where Daisy is still sitting at the piano. “C’mon, Daisy, say goodbye to Mr. McNair.”

“Okay.” She hurries over. “Thanks for letting me play your piano, Mr. McNair.”

“I’ve agreed to give you guitar lessons, Miss Baker, but only if ye promise to take it very seriously. Ye must pay attention while you’re here, and practice at home.”

“Yes, sir.” Her blue eyes are huge.

“Very well, then.” He puts out a hand and she shakes it. 

“Till Thursday,” Eggsy says. “Thank you.”

“Good evening.” He goes back to his chair and the broken guitar, and Eggsy leads Daisy out the door.

They stop for fish and chips, as promised, and Eggsy even treats her to ice cream afterwards. She’s so tired by the time they reach their neighborhood that Eggsy picks her up and carries her the last block or so. He struggles in the door with her, grimacing as he sees his mother and Dean cuddled together on the sofa. 

“Have a good time, babe?” Michelle manages.

“Yeah, Mum, nice time. Wore her out. Gonna get her into her jim-jams and put her ta bed.”

“Coulda brought us back some dinner,” Dean snaps.

“Will ya keep it down?” Eggsy hisses. He takes Daisy into their room, gets her into her pajamas, and tucks her into the tiny cot in the corner. Dean continually tries to get Eggsy to have Daisy sleep in his room, and sometimes he does, but tonight he needs some privacy. When he comes out of the bedroom he tells them, “Signed Daisy up fer some free music lessons…bloke’s tryin’ ta drum up some business, givin’ kids free guitar lessons.”

“That’s nice,” Michelle says.

“I’ll make sure she gets there an’ all…Thursdays. Let her poke around a bit, says she’s got talent, got an ear.”

“Make sure that’s not all this bloke wants ta give her,” Dean says as he sips at his beer. 

“Yer disgusting,” Eggsy says with a scowl.

“Come over here an’ say that ta my face!” Dean struggles to get up.

“I’m goin’ ta bed.” Eggsy thunders into his bedroom and remembers not to slam the door just in time. He yanks off his jacket and angrily throws it in the corner. He falls onto the bed and grabs his earbuds and phone. He shoves the earbuds into his ears, finds the song he wants, and flops onto his pillow, staring at the posters on his wall. His mother had given them to him when they moved into the flat, when he was around twelve or thirteen. He’d rolled his eyes at the time, as they were posters of HER favorite band, but he’d grown to love the music as well. A rock band named Wizard’s Wand, playing good music with dark thoughtful lyrics. Even though Eggsy loves music of his generation, he always goes back to Wizard’s Wand when he’s falling lost or down or depressed…which seems like most of the time.

“Tired of feeling lost…tired of letting go…tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down…failure…” he sings along quietly. “Drive the cloud away, we will fall from last to none…the dark before the dawn, the war will…” 

Eggsy suddenly sits up, yanking the earbuds out. He stares at the poster to the left of his bed, and then the one at the foot. The bass player, a tall bald man wearing a tight black tee, black leather wrist cuffs, a plaid kilt, and short black leather lace-up boots. “No fuckin’ way.” He grabs for his phone so fast that he almost drops it. He looks up Wizard’s Wand on Wikipedia and almost drops the phone again. “Hamish “Merlin” McNair suddenly left the band in 2008 with no explanation. Lead singer Harry “Galahad” Hart refused to continue without his bandmate and cowriter, and the band broke up shortly after.” Merlin McNair doesn’t have his own page, but Eggsy continues to scour the internet. He can only find a few sentences stating Merlin retired to London. Nothing else.

Except Eggsy knows exactly where he is. Teaching music lessons in a tiny shop in the city.

Eggsy falls back and stares at the poster on the wall. This is why Mr. McNair had bothered him so much…he knew he recognized him. He looked much the same, although there were a few more lines around his eyes now. He’d always had a bit of a crush on the man, at least the man on his poster. The tight forearms, the look of deep concentration on his face as he played. The deep cut of his calves. Eggsy groans and lets his head fall back, closing his eyes. He’s looked at that poster and wanked many times since he’d discovered his own dick…and now he knows what that man’s voice actually sounds like.

 

“I’m gonna be good,” Daisy promises as they head back to the music studio on Thursday. “I’m gonna listen, an’ I’m gonna learn. An’ then I can be the best.”

“I bet you will be,” Eggsy says with a smile. He’s almost as excited as she is. He’s been waiting to talk to Mr. McNair since he’d found who he was, but had contained himself. He’d spent each night since poring over the internet, looking for information on Merlin McNair, but has come up with next to nothing that isn’t already in the press releases. 

They go into the shop and McNair is waiting for them. “Good evening,” he says. “Are you ready, Miss Baker.”

“Oh, yes!”

“We’ll be in the small room there.” McNair points to a door. “Privacy is best, less distractions.”

“I understand, I’ll be right here.” Eggsy points to a chair. “Listen to Mr. McNair, Daisy.”

“I will.” She beams up at him and follows him into the room.

This is the longest thirty minutes of Eggsy’s life. He gives up on surfing the internet and instead stares out the door, watching the small bit of foot traffic that goes by. Finally the door opens and Daisy comes bouncing out. “Could I talk to ya fer a second?” Eggsy says to Mr. McNair as soon as he comes out.

“Of course.” The man gives him an odd look.

“Sit at the piano, Daisy, all right?” Eggsy says. She nods and goes to the piano bench.

Mr. McNair leads them into the office and closes the door. “I only have a few moments. My next lesson will be in soon.”

“I understand.” Eggsy takes a deep breath. “I know you. I know who ya are!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Fuck me…yer Merlin!” The man looks upset but doesn’t respond. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ yer Merlin…”

“Is that what ye think, Mr. Unwin?” Mr. McNair is moving from upset to angry.

“It’s what I know, mate. Woke up every fuckin’ day lookin’ at ya on my bedroom wall, didn’t I?” Eggsy says. Mr. McNair gives him an odd look. “Wizard’s Wand was my mum’s favorite band. She loved you guys…listened to ya all tha time when I was growin’ up. She bought posters of ya an’ put ‘em up in my room ta cover tha holes in tha walls.”

“I see.”

“Bothered me tha whole time was just in here…somethin’ about yer face rubbed me wrong an’ now I know why. Cuz I recognized ya. She’s gonna blow her fuckin’ mind when I tell her!”

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell her,” Mr. McNair says. “If it will help, I can discount your sister’s fee.”

“Ain’t lookin’ fer a fuckin’ handout, bruv, an’ ya don’t gotta bribe me ta keep my mouth shut. I don’t grass,” Eggsy says angrily. “Ya don’t want people ta know you was the bass player in one of the best rock bands of the last twenty years, no big deal ta me. Just…” Eggsy shuts his mouth. In his opinion, Wizard’s Wand HAD been the best band in the last twenty years, and what he’d said about them was true. But who expects to see a rock star giving music lessons on a side street in London?

“I appreciate the compliment, but that is no longer who I am. My real name is Hamish McNair, and it’s who I am now.”

“Right.” Eggsy swallows hard. “I’m…I’m sorry if I upset ya.”

“Apology accepted.”

Eggsy studies him for a long moment. He’s still handsome, but with such a look of sadness and loneliness behind the hazel eyes. “Have…have a good night.”

“You as well, Mr. Unwin.”


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

Merlin McNair hums as he makes a cup of tea, adding just the right amount of sugar and milk. He takes his cup and settles down in front of the television, flipping to the prior day’s football highlights. He groans as Led Zeppelin’s ‘Kashmir’ starts ringing through his flat. That’s the work phone, the one that only takes calls for his music studio. This is the day he quits at four so he can step away from the shop and have some time to himself. Merlin checks his regular mobile. Six forty-five. He decides to let the call go until tomorrow. It’s his night off.

Curiosity gets the best of him, however, and he picks up the work mobile and dials his voicemail. “Mr. McNair, I saw yer ad online…says ya have interview times between five an’ six?” The voice is young, mail, obviously from the estates. "I’d like talk to ya about gettin’ my sister lessons. My name is Gary Unwin, and my number is…” Merlin quickly memorizes the number and hangs up. He knows he doesn’t need to take care of this tonight…the young man can wait until official business hours. But Merlin takes his job seriously and this sounds like a paying customer. He most definitely does not need the money, but he’s a professional, no matter what. 

He quickly dials the man back. “Hello?”

“This is Hamish McNair. Ye rang about guitar lessons?”

“Yes, I did.” The young man seems surprised to hear from him.

“Why don’t you and your sister come to the shop between half-five and six tomorrow?”

“That should work, can be home from work in time.”

“Very well. See ye then.” 

Merlin hangs up and idly stirs his tea, wondering what the young man looks like. Most of the men he’s met from the estate have either been bone thin from years of drug abuse, or fat idiots with the tell-tale red nose of the alcoholic. But this man is looking for lessons for his sister. As long as he’s not looking for Merlin to DATE his sister, they should be all right. He puts his feet on the coffee table and focuses on the game.

 

The door of the studio opens at 5:50. Merlin briefly looks up from the guitar he’s restringing and frowns. This isn’t his appointment. It’s a beautiful young man holding the hand of a little girl. “The ice cream shop is the next block over,” he says in a bored tone. “Or if ye are looking for the crèche, they were next door and closed six months ago.” He looks back down.

“I’m too big for a crèche,” the little girl announces defiantly.

“Hush,” the young man tells her. “I’m here for Hamish McNair…we have an appointment to talk about guitar lessons?”

Merlin looks up again. The boy definitely isn’t thin from years of drug abuse. He’s also not fat and slovenly. He is absolutely beautiful, Merlin’s dick thinks. He tells it to fuck off. “Your name?” His eyes go to the bruise on the boy’s beautiful face.

“Gary Unwin.”

“No, that’s not your name,” his daughter says. “It’s Eggsy.”

“Daisy, hush,” Mr. Unwin begs. “My name is Gary, but I go by Eggsy. Family nickname. It’s all she knows.” 

“I see,” Merlin says, wondering what child would call her father Eggsy. Merlin stands and puts the guitar on its stand. He looks at the bruise again, wondering who would have the gall to strike such a handsome face. Mr. Unwin looks embarrassed and tilts his head a bit. 

“We spoke last night? I told ya I wanted ta set up lessons for my sister?”

The little girl pulls away and goes to stand by the wall. “I am Hamish McNair, and I do remember talking to ye. I am nae that ancient,” Merlin says, although next to this vision of youth he most certainly feels it. Ye said the lessons were for your sister, nae your daughter.”

“She IS my sister. I don’t…I don’t have a daughter.” A flush covers the boy’s cheeks and ears and Merlin’s quickly on the road to smitten. He growls at himself. 

“I am sorry,” he says, although he knows he absolutely does not sound it. “I cannae give her lessons.”

The boy’s eyes squint and his body is solid with anger. “Why not? Is it cuz I don’t talk all posh? Cuz her clothes are second-hand? Cuz we’re from the wrong part of town?”

“Nae. I would never judge anyone for their home or their clothing.” Merlin practically snorts at the irony. His teen years were covered in second-hand garments. “I dinnae teach children,” he finishes calmly, knowing he sounds like a total prat and not caring in the slightest. 

“Why not? Isn’t that why people become teachers?”

“Hardly. And it is most definitely not why I became a teacher.”

“I…” Mr. Unwin stands up as tall as he can, nose in the air. “I demand ta know why.”

“Oh you do.” Merlin fights a grin. He cannot help it. This boy is like a bantam rooster, strutting about trying to be bigger than he is. He’s quite adorable. Merlin remembers that adorable has gotten him into trouble in the past and frowns. “Because children are loud and annoying and dinnae take any of it seriously.”

“You don’t know that about every child.”

“I know enough. I made the mistake of teaching children when I opened my business and learned the hard way. They also have a habit of touching things without asking,” Merlin says, watching the little girl from the corner of his eye. “Perhaps ye should spend less time yelling at me, Mr. Unwin, and more time watching your sister.” She slides onto the piano bench

The young man yells at his sister, but is obviously shocked when she starts picking out “God Save the Queen” and singing in her clear little voice. Eggsy speaks to her about where she got the chance to play, and he looks horribly embarrassed when she admits she had to opt out of a school event due to her knowledge about their lack of funds. 

“Your name is Daisy?” Merlin asks suddenly. He sits next to her on the bench.

“Yes, sir. Daisy Michelle Baker.” At least she’s polite. Most of the child students he’d taken on at first were horribly rude and ill-behaved. Their parents signed them up because they felt it was a requirement for a well-raised child. The children either broke his instruments, bounced of the walls, or simply came because their mothers were enamored of the teacher. Hence his ironclad rule about not teaching children. 

“Miss Baker, my name is Mr. McNair. Do ye know your ABCs?” Apparently it wasn’t such an iron-clad rule after all.

“Course,” she says, glaring up at him.

“My apologies.” Again Merlin has to try not to smile. He explains the music notes and has her pick them out on the keyboard, which she does easily. “Very good.” He closes the piano. “Now, Miss Baker, if ye are to come take lessons from me on the guitar, you must promise not to touch anything without asking. Some things are dangerous here, others are valuable, and I dinnae want ye to get hurt, or to accidentally break something. Do ye understand?”

“Yes, Mr. McNair.”

He leaves her to the piano and takes her brother into his office. It’s obvious the young man loves his sister, and from the way they interact, Merlin gets the feeling he’s her caretaker more often than not…especially after his comments about his stepfather. Merlin is fairly certain the bruise on the man’s cheek is courtesy of that same man. They make arrangements for lessons and he walks them both to the door, shaking their hands. Her blue eyes are wild with delight, and her brother’s eyes are crinkling with pleasure as well. Merlin absolutely does not notice what a lovely color they are.

“Nae,” he tells himself out loud once they are safely out the door and walking down the pavement. “Pretty boys like that got ye into trouble once. It will nae happen again.”

 

Eggsy Unwin and Daisy Baker both look excited when they enter the shop on Thursday. It’s been a quiet day with only three lessons, and Merlin’s actually ready for a bit of excitement. He doesn’t get it from Daisy, who is well-behaved and hangs on his every word as he sits the guitar on her lap and begins to teach her the names of the parts.

It’s her brother who gives him more excitement than he’d bargained for.

“I know you. I know who ya are!” Mr. Unwin announces almost triumphantly.

“I beg your pardon?” Merlin feigns innocence but his heart starts to beat double-time.

“Fuck me, yer Merlin!” The young man stares at him in awe. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ yer Merlin.”

Merlin desperately tries to remind himself that a mouth that spews profanity like that is not at all attractive. “Is that what ye think Mr. Unwin?” He can feel his face growing red and he crosses his arms over his chest. He looks down at Eggsy with an eyebrow raised.

“It’s what I know, mate. Woke up every fuckin’ day looking at ya on my bedroom wall, didn’t I?” Merlin stares at him. Well. Isn’t THAT interesting. Mr. Unwin blushes. “Wizard’s Wand was my mum’s favorite band. She loved you guys…listened to ya all tha time when I was growin’ up. She bought posters of ya an’ put ‘em up in my room to cover the holes in the walls.”

“I see.” Well, at least they were fans, which actually makes things worse. He’s only had to turn two prospective clients away due to their realization of who he was…and that’s only because they fanned over him so violently it became nauseating.

“Bothered me tha whole time I was here…somethin’ about yer faced rubbed me wrong an’ now I know why. Cuz I recognized ya!” He looks proud. “She’s gonna blow her fuckin’ mind when I tell her.”

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell her,” Merlin says coldly, and he means it. “If it will help, I can discount your sister’s fee.”

The young man looks furious. “Ain’t lookin’ fer a fuckin’ handout, bruv, an’ ya don’t’ gotta bribe me ta keep my mouth shut. I don’t grass.” This is apparently of the utmost importance to him. “Ya don’t want people ta know you was the bass player I one of the best rock bands of the last twenty years, no big deal ta me. Just…” He stops talking suddenly.

“I appreciate the compliment,” Merlin says honestly, “but that is no longer who I am. My real name is Hamish McNair, and it’s who I am now.”

“Right. I’m…I’m sorry if I upset ya.”

Merlin is touched by the apology, which is honestly sincere. The boy’s face tells everything, and he’s honestly ashamed of himself. “Apology accepted.”

Eggsy looks at him for a long moment. “Have…have a good night.”

But Merlin doesn’t have a good night. His night is shite after that. He stares at his kitchen table, stares at the telly without turning it on, and finally goes to bed and stares at the ceiling. It’s almost midnight when he pulls himself up to open the closet. He digs around a bit and finds a box, a box he hasn’t looked at in probably four years. He sits on the floor and leans against the bed. He opens the box and stares at its contents for a long moment.

The picture on the top is what makes his heart ache the most. Harry in full Galahad splendor…tight jeans, a button-down shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and a tie done up with a proper knot. He has his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and they’re laughing about something. Christ, they laughed a lot. They bickered like an old married couple, but the base of their friendship was the joy they found in one another. Under that is a picture of all four of them. Harry and Merlin next to James and Michael. Galahad…Merlin…Lancelot…Percival. All of them in their mid-twenties and having the time of their lives. They would have died for one another, and in a unique way, Merlin had. Almost ten years fighting to get noticed, a brief five years at the top, and then everything fell apart. 

He shoves the box back into the closet and climbs into bed, pulling the pillow over his head and thinking about green eyes as he falls asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Eggsy sings - "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin

THREE

It takes everything Eggsy has not to tell his mother about Merlin McNair. They aren’t as close as they were before Dean came into the picture, but she’s still his mother, and still a huge fan of Wizard’s Wand. But he’d meant what he said to Merlin…Hamish. He didn’t grass. If he wanted to keep his past a secret, he probably had a very good reason, and Eggsy was going to respect that.

It didn’t mean the man wasn’t on his mind throughout the days until Daisy’s next lesson. Eggsy actually stood right in front of the poster and studied the man’s face. It was different now, of course; Merlin was a good twenty years older. But time had been good to him, adding only a bit of wrinkles to the edge of his eyes, and a bit of an edge to the curve of his face. Eggsy actually thinks he looks better now, but then again…he’s always had a thing for older men.

He dresses carefully for the next lesson, but not too carefully. He didn’t need his mum or, God forbid, Dean, asking if he was going to meet the Queen. He wore a clean pair of jeans and a jumper instead of his usual hoodie. It wasn’t like Merlin would notice; Eggsy more than likely wasn’t his type. He was young, he was poor, he was male. More than likely Merlin had the proverbial “girl in every port” while in the band, and someone like Eggsy wasn’t what he was interested in. But it didn’t hurt a bloke to look his best when going out in public, did it?”

“Babe, ain’t seen ya wear that jumper in ages,” Michelle says with a grin when he appears from his bedroom. “Look nice.”

“Thanks, Mum.” Eggsy grabs Daisy’s jacket and helps her into it. “Ready, flower?”

“Yeah.” Daisy bounces over to kiss Michelle’s cheek.

“What’s the occasion?” Dean wanders over from the refrigerator. 

“It was clean an’ on top of my drawer. Not that it’s somethin’ yer familiar with…clean laundry.” Eggsy eyes up Dean’s dirty jeans and ancient shirt with holes in it.

Dean’s fist is swift and lands hard enough in Eggsy’s stomach to make him oof out a breath. “Didn’t know ya cared so much about my laundry, ya fuckin’ poof.”

“Let’s go, Eggsy.” Daisy tugs at his arm, tears filling her eyes.

“Yeah, let’s,” Eggsy manages. “We’re gonna be late.”

“Be careful,” Michelle says, her eyes full of misery.

“Maybe if ya got yer arse off this fuckin’ sofa, Michelle, I’d HAVE clean laundry. When’s the last time ya did tha wash?” Dean asks as Eggsy leads Daisy out the door.

“Are you okay, Eggsy?” Daisy slips her hand into his as they hurry down the pavement.

“Right as rain, Dais, don’t you worry.” Eggsy tries not to wince as he pokes at his stomach.

 

Merlin half-wishes Eggsy doesn’t show up for the lesson. He’s really not prepared for another fan fawning over him. Eggsy had acted contrite after their last encounter, but he’d had a week to think about it and perhaps get all worked up. But contrary to Merlin’s wishes, Eggsy and his sister come in the door five minutes early. He’s wearing tight jeans and a blue sweater that brings out his eyes. Merlin sighs and tells his libido to behave.

“Hello, Mr. McNair,” Daisy says politely.

“Good evening, Miss Baker. Mr. Unwin.”  
“Hello,” Eggsy says quietly. His expression is sad and he doesn’t meet Merlin’s gaze. Not quite the response Merlin had expected. “I’ll, uh, sit over here?”

“That’s fine,” Merlin says. His next words surprise even him. “There’s bottles of water in that cabinet, if ye are thirsty.” He motions across the room.

Eggsy looks as surprised as Merlin does. “Thanks, m’fine.”

“Can I have water?” Daisy asks.

Before Merlin can open his mouth, Eggsy says, “No, Daisy. Ya had a big glass of milk with dinner, an’ ya don’t wanna have ta ask fer tha loo in tha middle of yer lesson. Ya can have water at home.”

“All right,” she says with a sigh.

“Shall we?” Merlin motions to the lesson room. Daisy happily skips ahead of him, while Eggsy slowly lowers himself to the chair with a wince. “Mr. Unwin…are you all right?”

“M’fine,” Eggsy says again. “Twisted wrong at work today.”

“I see.” 

As before, Daisy is an eager pupil, although occasionally distracted. Merlin chalks it up to her age and does not get upset. She’s an intelligent little girl, very polite and friendly. Merlin gets the feeling that Eggsy does a great deal of parenting and is quite impressed. “Mr. McNair, do you think I’ll ever get to actually play the guitar?” She asks when they’re almost through.

“Well, lass, it is important that ye learn the parts of the guitar and what they do. I dinnae normally teach that to my younger students…at least I did nae teach it when I HAD younger students…but ye are so smart I figured it was wise to teach ye.”

“I AM smart,” Daisy agrees. “I’m in the second row in spelling and the first reading group.”

“That is very smart.” Merlin hides a grin. “Also…it’s only your second lesson. We cannae learn everything at once.”

“It’s just…I told everyone at school I’m taking guitar lessons and they didn’t believe me.” Her face is a sad mirror of her brother’s. “They said…they said…they said I’m too poor ta afford lessons an’ that I’m a liar.” Her eyes widen. “But don’t tell Eggsy that, okay, Mr. McNair, cuz he gets mad when I talk about us bein’ poor. Guess he don’t think I know about it.”

Merlin sighs and puts a hand on her head. “I willnae speak a word of it,” he vows. He thinks for a moment and says, “Sit here, Miss Baker.” He puts her on a stool and places the guitar in her hands. “Now…put this finger here, and this here.” He arranges her fingers on the strings. “Now. Strum.” She strums and her eyes widen. “That is an E minor chord, lass. The easiest, and one of the chords ye will use the most.”

“I played a chord,” she whispers, strumming again. She keeps her fingers in position. “That hurts,” she comments, although it’s not a complaint, more of an observation.

“Aye,” he says with a smile, holding up his fingers. He gently strokes her forehead. “Do ye feel how rough my fingers are?” She nods. “I’ve been playing guitar for forty years, lass…I hardly feel anything in my fingertips now because of the strings. If ye continue with lessons, your fingers will toughen up and soon it willnae hurt.”

“Could…could you teach me one more?” Daisy asks hopefully.

“One more.” He arranges her fingers again. “This is a C.”

“C,” she repeats. She strums again and her face lights up. 

“Very good. Now ye can show those bast…brats at your school that you’re taking lessons, and ye know two chords.”

“Thank you, Mr. McNair!” Daisy throws open the door and runs out. “Eggsy, Eggsy! I learned two chords! E minor, E like Eggsy, and C, like cat!”

Eggsy turns from where he’s studying some of the guitars Merlin has hanging on the wall. “Did you? That’s my smart girl.” He winces as she throws herself into his arms.

“Until next Thursday, then, Miss Baker,” Merlin says. “Have a nice night, Mr. Unwin.”

“Look…Mr. Unwin…that makes me sound a hundred years old,” Eggsy says, biting his bottom lip. “Could…could ya maybe just call me Eggsy?”

“An’ I’m Daisy,” Daisy pipes up. “Don’t like Miss Baker, sound like a teacher.”

Merlin finally smiles and hears Eggsy gasp. Merlin looks over but Eggsy’s helping Daisy into her jacket. “If you wish…and ye may call me Hamish, if ye like.”

“Can I?”

“Absolutely not,” Eggsy tells Daisy. “Ya show yer teachers respect. He is Mr. McNair ta the likes of you.”

“Okay,” Daisy says with a giggle.

Merlin catches Eggsy eying up the guitars after the next lesson as well. “I never asked, Eggsy…do ye play?”

“I taught myself a few things,” Eggsy admits. “Gotta used guitar, it’s what Daisy practices with. Know she should have somethin’ smaller, but…” He shrugs. “It’s all I got right now.”

“It’s fine. She’s just learning the basics, so we can make do with her using the larger instrument.” Merlin wonders why this young man makes his mouth move without full permission from his brain. “Feel free to play one of the instruments in here while ye wait,” he offers.

“Really?” A smile slowly crosses Eggsy’s face. “That…that would be great, guv, thanks. If yer sure ya don’t mind.”

“I believe I can trust ye to be careful. I mean, ye keep this one alive.” Merlin barely touches Daisy’s hair. 

Eggsy’s smile grows. “An’ she’s more precious an’ valuable than any old guitar, ain’t ya, flower?”

“Eggsy,” Daisy says with an embarrassed scowl. Eggsy laughs out loud.

Merlin absolutely doesn’t think it sounds like music.

 

When they arrive for the next lesson Merlin notices Eggsy practically leering at the guitars as soon as he and Daisy come in. A few of the guitars are Merlin’s, some are instruments he’d agreed to fix but whose owners had never come back for. They’re not cheap, and he likes the aesthetic of them hanging on the wall. He keeps them in tune, however, and at night when he can’t sleep he will occasionally come down from his flat above the studio and give them a workout.

Merlin tries to listen for any telltale sounds from the outside room, but his lesson rooms are soundproof for a reason, and he can’t hear a thing. He focuses on his student, who seems to be in a cheeky giggly mood that day. He has to redirect her more than once, and he’s slowly remembering why he doesn’t teach children. He should have known; no child is perfectly behaved all the time. He’s almost relieved when he looks at his watch and sees their thirty minutes is up. He makes it to the door first, slowly cracking it open. Daisy peers under his arm, giggling a bit.

Eggsy is seated on a stool with an acoustic guitar in his hands. He’s strumming and singing, the guitar notes cautious but the vocals most definitely not. He sings quietly but with full force, obviously familiar with the song and feeling the lyrics. It’s been ages since Merlin’s heard someone sing his music in his presence, and all he can think is that he’s only ever heard one person sing it better…Harry.

“I see nothing in your eyes…and the more I see the less I like, is it over yet…in my head?” Eggsy sings. This is one of Merlin’s favorites, and apparently it’s Eggsy’s as well. “I know nothing of your kind…and I won’t reveal your evil mind, is it over yet...I can’t win…so sacrifice yourself, and let me have what’s left, I know that I can find…the fire in your eyes…I’m going all the way…get away…please…” The look on Eggsy’s face is almost orgasmic. He closes his eyes and tilts his head up, not even looking at his hands as he plays. “You take the breath right out of me…you left a hole where my heart should be…you got to fight just to make it through…’cause I will be the death of you…”

“Eggsy sings real good, don’t he, Mr. McNair?” Daisy asks, snapping Merlin out of his reverie. “He always sings around the house…but only when my Da ain’t there. My Da don’t like it, cuz he’s jealous,” she finishes with a nod. “Ain’t no one sings like Eggsy.”

“I quite agree with ye there, lass,” Merlin confides. He makes a great deal of noise as they exit the lesson room so Eggsy’s not embarrassed. He immediately stops playing, hanging up the guitar and asking his sister if she had a good lesson. “She was a bit…distracted,” Merlin tells him. He’s not going to lie about it. “More than usual.”

Eggsy groans. “I’m sorry…my fault. She had sweets at school today an’ Mum let her have pudding after dinner. Sugar high, I bet. Won’t let it happen again.”

“It’s nae a big deal, just out of the ordinary. She is usually quite attentive.”

“Good.” Eggsy smiles at her proudly. 

That evening Merlin makes himself a quick dinner and sits down at his computer with a glass of scotch. He brings up a folder he hasn’t opened in quite some time, and eventually clicks on a song. He closes his eyes and listens to Harry sing and realizes he was wrong.

Harry didn’t sing it better.


	4. Chapter 4

Weeks go by and Daisy continues to progress at her lessons. Eggsy had expected her to grow tired of the practicing – he makes her work for at least twenty minutes every evening – or tired of having to inhale their dinner and hurry across town every Thursday. But she continues to count the days between lessons and chirps about Merlin at the dinner table until Dean tells her to shut up or he’ll shut her up himself.

Eggsy’s reaction to this earns him a fork to the hand.

Dean does like the fact that she plays around on the guitar even when Eggsy isn’t making her practice because it means she’s out of his sight. Eggsy keeps her in his bedroom, letting her play on the guitar all she wants in there. He helps her, occasionally playing himself to entertain her. The old guitar they use is nothing compared to the beautiful instruments on Merlin’s wall, but it’s all they have. He loves the quality time they spend together, but ignores the fact that he has Dean to thank for it.

The only bad thing about Daisy’s lessons is her instructor. Eggsy has to work with everything he has to keep his feelings hidden. At first he thought it was a simple case of idol worship. Not only is Merlin a very attractive man, but he’s also an incredible guitar player. There are videos all over the internet, taken when Eggsy was young and Merlin was in his prime. The videos are old and grainy compared to the high-def camera work available today, but it’s all he has. He watches them over and over, staring at the long fingers working over the strings of the bass. The fact that Merlin wrote music and lyrics, played AND sang? The man is remarkable and it kills Eggsy not to tell him so. 

Merlin’s personality, of course, does not lead someone to try and give compliments. He’s made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want to talk about his past, and Eggsy will respect that no matter what. He’s polite but constantly grumpy, as if he’s put out by the fact that he has to interact with other people. After years of people probably begging for favors, trying to lure him into their beds, trying to get money from him, Eggsy honestly isn’t surprised that Merlin is so closed off. Sometimes, however, Eggsy sees a bit of an open interest in the gorgeous hazel eyes. Merlin is always kind to Daisy, and if that was all he ever knew about the man, it would be enough. Most of the time those eyes shut down when he looks at Eggsy, but now and then there is a glimmer of interest, as if he’s happy to see Eggsy walk through the door.

Eggsy desperately wishes he could get to know him better. He starts shyly asking questions, simple things related to the lessons, such as how old Merlin was when he started playing, or if he preferred writing lyrics or music. Occasionally he’ll comment on a picture hanging on the wall; Merlin has a lot of travel posters framed and hanging around the studio. Eggsy’s never been further away from home than Bath, so hearing about other countries is like reading a fairy tale. Sometimes Merlin brushes him off, but other times he’ll tell stories about Rome or Tokyo or New York City. He gets a faraway look in his eyes, as if he’s bathing in fond memories and doesn’t notice he’s not alone. 

One day Eggsy gets brave. “How’d…how’d ya meet Galahad? Harry Hart, I mean.”

The doors behind Merlin’s eyes slam shut. “We met in school when we were twelve. I was on scholarship…he was not.”

“Wow. Are ya…are ya still close?”

“Nae. I have not spoken to him in years. Now if ye will excuse me, Eggsy, I have another lesson coming shortly.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry I monopolized yer time. Sorry if I…sorry…” Eggsy babbles. He scoops up Daisy and practically runs out the door.

 

Merlin tries not to like Eggsy Unwin. He tries. He really does. But it’s just so difficult. The boy is beautiful, obviously, but there’s so much more to him than a pretty face. If he’d been born in a different place, to a different family, there’s so much he could have accomplished. But it’s obvious he makes do with what he has. From comments made by Daisy, and information Eggsy lets slip, they do not live in a happy home. Eggsy works full-time at his courier job while his mother stays home and supposedly looks after Daisy and the stepfather…well, Merlin’s not sure what the stepfather does. It’s obvious that neither of the adults give Daisy the love and attention she so richly deserves. Thankfully she has a big brother who adores her, and whom she obviously adores in return. She rarely talks back to him, and he has yet to see her throw any sort of tantrum. She informs him that it’s Eggsy’s guitar she practices on, and she does it in his room. He helps her as much as he can, and he, “always claps for me, Mr. McNair, like at a concert.”

They’re always clean, he’ll give them that, although at times he sees smudges on Eggsy’s handsome face that are not dirt. They’re bruises. There are also occasional bruises on his arms, and once he sees deep marks in Eggsy’s hand that look strangely like the tines of a fork. He doesn’t ask; it’s not his business. He tells himself he also doesn’t care…if Eggsy or his mother don’t feel the need to report it, it mustn’t be that bad, he tells himself.

He knows he’s lying. 

Because he DOES care. Merlin tries desperately not to; the last thing he needs is another pretty young man ruining his life. Pretty young men have been his downfall in more ways than one. Jim. Bill. Charlie, the one who brought his whole world tumbling down around him. Merlin supposes he can’t blame them, it’s not like they forced him to fall in love with them. And fall in love he always did. It was never just a quick shag in a hotel room, or the back of a limo. It was connection, affection. And Merlin was always hurt. Charlie, the only man Merlin’s ever seen that could hold a candle to Eggsy, was the reason everything fell apart, and Merlin cannot allow it to happen again.

He answers Eggsy’s questions; they’re innocent enough and he finds that he enjoys speaking with the lad. He sighs wistfully when Merlin tells him stories about traveling to new places and experiencing new cultures. That was the only part of touring Merlin enjoyed, although they never had enough time to explore the places they’d been. After the break-up of the band he’d taken years to just travel the world and see everything he wanted to see. Eggsy’s question about Harry, however, was unwelcome and Merlin quickly puts a stop to it. He almost feels bad when he sees how embarrassed Eggsy is, but hopefully it gets the point across.

Eggsy stops asking so many questions after that. He stops speaking to Merlin pretty much at all, except to politely greet him or say goodbye. He also no longer plays any of the guitars, and instead falls asleep on the chair at every lesson. He jumps awake as soon as the door opens from the lesson room, but he offers no explanation and Merlin doesn’t feel he should ask. Until one night when Daisy actually has to pat his leg and say, “Eggsy. Eggsy, I’m all done now.”

“Fuck, m’sorry,” he slurs, rubbing at his eyes. “Didn’t realize I was sleepin’ so hard.”

“At least ye don’t snore,” Merlin says kindly.

“Thank God, no,” Eggsy says. 

“I’ve…I’ve noticed ye sleep here most times now,” Merlin says quietly. “Can I ask if everything is all right?”

“Yeah. I just…I been workin’ with my mate Jamal’s dad. He does electrical work, maintenance, stuff like that. Been workin’ at a school so they hafta work at night. He needs the help an’ I…I need the extra money.” He briefly looks at Daisy before looking away, and Merlin realizes he’s working the extra job to make sure he can pay for her lessons. “Dean ain’t workin’, so most of my paycheck goes ta stuff around tha flat.”

“Eggsy, ye must get your rest,” Merlin says earnestly. The concern in his voice surprises him, and he can see it surprises Eggsy as well. “Not only will ye wear yourself down, but ye are young. Ye deserve the free time to hang with your mates…your girlfriend.”

“I…I don’t have a girlfriend,” Eggsy says shyly. “Never…never did.”

“I’m yer special girl, ain’t I, Eggsy?” Daisy asks.

“Of course ya are, flower. Ain’t no girl ever gonna be special to me, especially not as special as you.” Eggsy sweeps her into his arms and kisses her cheek. Merlin idly wonders if Eggsy realizes he has pretty much just outed himself to Merlin.

“Well, please take care,” Merlin says, and Eggsy nods. “And we can always work something out if…if ye need to.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Eggsy says stubbornly, and Merlin can’t help but smile.


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE

“Ya off ta help Mr. Sidler tonight, Eggsy?” Michelle says as she brings the pot of stew to the table.

“No, Mum. That job’s all done,” Eggsy says. He serves Daisy and makes sure she puts her napkin on her lap.

“Don’t understand why ya help that idiot fer free…if ya got so much free time, ya should be finding a job that actually pays,” Dean snaps.

“He’s my best mate’s dad. Got no problem helpin’ him fer free,” Eggsy says calmly. Neither Michelle nor Dean know that he’d actually been paid for the job; they’d have snatched the money from him before he knew what hit him. “An’ since when do you know what a payin’ job looks like? Don’t see ya bringin’ in a paycheck,” Eggsy says angrily. He’s getting so tired of being the only person bringing money into the house. Michelle received a stipend from the military at one time, due to her marriage to Lee, but that stopped once she legally married Dean. Now they receives assistance from the government, assistance only given to low-income families, but it isn’t enough to do much more than buy groceries and occasionally some clothing. 

“I bring money in…more than a stupid paycheck like yers,” Dean growls. “Me an’ the boys got some big jobs comin’ up.”

“I bet you do,” Eggsy mutters under his breath. Dean doesn’t have a job that brings in steady income, but he does have various ‘jobs’ he does with his boys that bring in a wad of money now and then. He runs drugs for small-time dealers in the area, and has tried to get Eggsy to help him more than once. He’s arranged meetings with the men he works for, but Eggsy quickly declines, stating he has to keep up a good front with a real job so no one suspects the family of doing anything illegal. It’s not the reason, of course, but it keeps Dean off his back…for the most part. 

“Feelin’ mouthy tonight, ain’t we, Muggsy? How’d ya like ta feel the back of my hand across yer face?”

“If ya work hard, ya get rewards,” Daisy pipes up, and Eggsy knows she’s trying to diffuse the tension in the room. Even at such a young age, she can feel what’s going on and does her best to smooth things over. Like Eggsy, she’s a peacemaker with a generous heart. She deserves so much better than this, Eggsy thinks to himself. “That’s what Mr. McNair always says. Like if ya practice hard, ya learn ta play things.”

“Mr. McNair…I am so fuckin’ tired of that bastard’s name,” Dean says. “He ain’t God, ya know. Ain’t yer Da. You should be talking about ME that way, Daisy, not that fancy bloke.”

“He ain’t fancy,” she insists. “He don’t dress fancy or talk fancy.”

“He makes a livin’ teachin’ music ta little kids. Probably gets his jollies after ya leave thinkin’ ‘bout ya.”

She looks confused. “Really? That’s what ya tell her?” Eggsy growls. 

“Who do ya love more, Daisy girl? Yer Da, or yer stupid teacher?”

He smiles at her but his smile is dangerous. She looks petrified, eyes darting to Eggsy for help. “Daisy, ya don’t gotta answer that. Mum…” Eggsy begs. 

“This is dinnertime. Daisy, quit talkin’ an’ eat,” Michelle orders. “Can I get ya another beer, Dean?”

“Answer me, Daisy,” Dean say, his voice like ice.

“Well, I…yer…yer my Da,” she says in a quivering voice. “Mr. McNair…he…he tells me I can be somethin’, I got potential. He says I got talent, I’m real good fer my age. He says the guitar…”

“For fuck’s sake.” Dean kicks his chair back and heads for Eggsy’s bedroom.

“Oi! Get the fuck outta my room!” Eggsy yells, chasing after him.

“Yer a grown man, Muggsy. Ya should be out on yer own, not livin’ with yer mum. Say another word an’ I’ll kick ya out on yer poof arse.” Eggsy’s eyes widen and Dean grins again. “Yeah, I heard tha stories about ya, how Eggsy Unwin likes ta get on his knees behind tha pub now and then.”

“Not true,” Eggsy lies. He grabs for Dean’s arm and is shoved against the wall as Dean enters his room.

“I’m gettin’ sick an’ fuckin’ tired of hearin’ about Mr. McNair an’ this guitar. Can’t stop ya from takin’ her…lessons are free. But I can shut her…and this fuckin’ thing…up real quick.” Dean picks up the guitar and spins it in his hands.

“Dean, don’t. I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry I mouthed off at ya. Please don’t,” Eggsy begs. He sees Daisy and Michelle in the doorway. Daisy’s crying with her face pressed into Michelle’s side. “Yer right, okay? She talks about him a lot, I’ll make her stop.”

“Right about everything, ain’t I? About you stuffin’ yer face with dick behind tha pub?”

“Y-yeah, Dean. Yer right. Yer so fuckin’ smart, know everything.” Eggsy winces as he says the words. 

“Yeah. I’m always right, an’ I know what’s fuckin’ best.” He brings the guitar up in the air and Eggsy shouts, diving to catch it before he knows what he’s doing.

The guitar slams into his arm and shoulder, sending him tumbling backwards. Dean smashes it onto the floor, pieces of wood flying everywhere as it cracks. Eggsy gets up and tries again, but the broken body of the guitar only lands on his arm and cracks some more. “Dean…Dean, please, stop!” Michelle begs.

Dean continues to bash the guitar on the ground until it’s a mess of strings and wood. “All right. Guess we all got tha picture here.” He looks at Michelle and Daisy. “Back to the dinner table. Muggsy here can clean this up.”

“Eggsy!” Daisy sobs.

“Go eat, Daisy,” Eggsy orders and Michelle pulls her away.

“Give me attitude like that again, Muggsy, and it’ll be you hittin’ the floor, not a bloody guitar.” Dean storms out of the bedroom.

Eggsy stares at the floor in dismay, looking at the shards of wood and metal littering the carpet. He then looks at his arm, which is throbbing with pain. He’s thankful he’s wearing one of his heavier hoodies or things could have been much worse. He falls to his hands and knees and starts picking up the remnants of the guitar.

 

“Good evening, Daisy, Eggsy,” Merlin says as they enter the studio. He’s spent the day rearranging a few things, hanging new posters as well as different guitars. He tells himself he just wants something new to look at since he spends the day there, but he knows the truth deep down. He wants an excuse to talk to Eggsy about it, wants to tell his stories.

“Hello, Mr. McNair,” Daisy says quietly. She’s so subdued that Merlin stares at her before looking up at Eggsy. He doesn’t look any better, his eyes guarded and dark. He takes his seat but doesn’t get out his phone, just stares at his hands.

“Go on, Daisy. Mr. McNair’s time is valuable, don’t wanna waste it,” Eggsy points out.

“Right.” Daisy goes to the lesson room without another word.

Merlin follows her in and shuts the door. “Well, let’s see what ye remember, lass, and how well ye practiced this week.”

“Right,” she says again, and Merlin’s shocked when she sniffles. 

She remembers everything, but her heart obviously isn’t in it. And when it comes to the lesson she was to practice over the last week she knows nothing at all. She manages to muddle her way through on her core talent only. She hasn’t practiced and it shows. “Well. What was that?” He takes the guitar and places it on its stand.

“Sir?”

“That was nae what I asked ye to do. Did ye even try to practice this week?”

“No, sir.”

“Were ye sick?”

“No, sir.”

“Was your mother sick? Or Eggsy?”

“No, sir.” Daisy’s voice gets quieter and quieter and she won’t meet his gaze.

“Then why did ye nae practice?”

“I…I dunno.” She toes the floor.

“Miss Baker.” Her head shoots up. “Do ye remember what I told ye on the very first day? I take this very seriously and dinnae teach children. Ye promised me ye would work hard and take it seriously as well.”

“I…I remember.” Her blue eyes are full of tears.

“I meant it, and I will nae tolerate this. If ye dinnae care about playing, dinnae come back, do ye hear me?” He raises his voice to make the point and she shudders, actually stepping away from him.

“Yes…y-yes…” She bolts out of the lesson room and jumps on Eggsy’s lap.

“What is it? What’s going on?” Eggsy stands and she clings to him until he picks her up. She whispers in his ear and Eggsy turns to glare at Merlin. “Ya fuckin’ YELLED at her?”

“I told ye both on the first day, Mr. Unwin, that I dinnae have time to fool around with a child who does nae take this seriously. If she does nae wish to work hard and practice, then I dinnae wish to teach her.” 

Daisy actually wails on Eggsy’s shoulder, her back heaving with sobs. “Look, you heartless bastard,” Eggsy snaps. “You do not EVER yell at her, ya hear me? Ya gotta problem with her, ya talk ta me. Ya wanna yell at someone, ya yell at me.” He shakes his head. “You an’ me gotta have a talk. I’m takin’ her home and then comin’ back here. We’re gonna have some serious words, ya get me?”

Eggsy is beautiful in his fury and Merlin actually forgets his original irritation. “Very well. She was my last lesson this evening. Come back and ring the bell at the black door next to the studio door. I live in the flat above the studio.”

“Fine.” Eggsy storms out of the studio, still carrying Daisy.

Merlin closes the studio and makes his way upstairs, trying to figure out what’s going on. He was shocked that Daisy hadn’t practiced, and he cannot think of any reason why if no one was sick in the home. He straightens up a bit in the lounge and gathers the preparations for tea. The bell rings an hour later and he buzzes Eggsy in. He hears footsteps on the stairs, and then a knock at his actual door. He opens it and Eggsy shoves his way in. “Tea?”

“No, I don’t want yer fuckin’ tea.” Eggsy stands toe to toe with him, poking him in the chest. “Know ya just think of us as money in yer account. We ain’t nothin’ ta you. But that little girl is EVERYTHING ta me, an’ I won’t have anyone yellin’ at her, makin’ her cry. She gets enough of that at home, ya get me?”

“Mr. Unwin, as I said before, we had an agreement that she would practice and work hard. She knew things we’ve been working on for a while, but the new lesson was not practiced at all this week. When I asked her why, she said she dinnae know. That is unacceptable.”

“Unacceptable?” Eggsy lets out a course laugh. “It IS unacceptable. It’s also unacceptable that a beautiful perfect kid like Daisy is stuck in a family like ours. It’s unacceptable that classmates don’t invite her ta parties, cuz they look down on her. It’s unacceptable that she’s never had a friend ask her over ta play, or been asked to a sleepover. But she handles it…fuck…” Eggsy looks up at the ceiling, blinking hard. “I don’t handle it as well as she does, an’ I’m a fuckin’ adult. What she CAN’T handle is someone like you, someone she really cares about, really fuckin’ respects, yellin’ at her for shite that ain’t her fault.”

“Well, then, whose fault is it?” Merlin feels about a centimeter tall.

“Her Da’s.” Eggsy runs a hand through his hair. “She can’t play a guitar that no longer exists, can she?”

“What are ye talking about?”

Eggsy whips his jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. His slender arms are pale against the black of his vest. Bruises and marks mar the smooth skin. “See this? I got these from that guitar of mine. Her Da was fuckin’ furious cuz she was talkin’ you up, sayin’ how great ya were, how ya believe in her. He got jealous an’ decided tha best course of action was ta destroy tha guitar, so he did…all over me an’ my bedroom floor.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin whispers. 

“So yeah, she didn’t fuckin’ practice cuz she ain’t got nothin’ ta practice with. Was gonna talk to ya about it after her lesson today, try an’ find out if ya could suggest somethin’. She LOVES learnin’ from ya, loves tha music. So don’t think fer one fuckin’ minute that she didn’t practice cuz she don’t care.”

“I’m…I’m so very sorry,” Merlin whispers, horrified. “I should…I should have known. I suppose I overreacted because I was so shocked and disappointed.” He slowly meets Eggsy’s beautiful eyes. “Can ye please forgive me, Eggsy?”

"Appreciate tha fact that you expect more of her, but ya can't fuckin' yell at her. Ever," Eggsy says. "Know you don't know us, but ya don't yell at Daisy."

"I won't," Merlin says quietly. "I promise."

Eggsy nods. "Accept yer apology." He picks up his jacket and puts it back on, then wanders around the room a bit, looking at the posters and pictures on the walls. It's a long time before his body relaxes, before he physically releases the anger he'd come in with. He finally turns to Merlin and says, "Sorry I went a bit ballistic down in yer studio,” Eggsy says shamefully. “Just…don’t like it when people yell at her.”

“Has…has he ever…”

“No. Ain’t never touched her, not in anger. Threatens it all tha time, but either my mum sweet talks him away from her, or I step in an’ take it instead.”

“You could have been seriously injured.” Without thinking Merlin picks up Eggsy’s arm and inspects it.

Eggsy draws in a breath and bites at his bottom lip. “I…it’s all right. Had on a heavy shirt, helped take most of it. I’m sorta used ta gettin’ banged up a bit.”

They look at each other for a moment. “Are…are ye sure I cannae offer ye tea?”

“Yeah, that…that sounds good,” Eggsy says.

Merlin leads him to the kitchen table and pulls out a chair for him. He fixes them each a cup and sits a well. “Ye were wrong about one thing, lad. I dinnae see her as only money in my account.”

“Yeah, figured as much,” Eggsy says with a sheepish grin. “Ya probably got tons of money.” His eyes widen. “Fuck, that was rude. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Merlin says with a smile. “I do have a nice nest egg put away. I teach only because I love music and this is one way I can still do it.” He stirs his tea. “Your sister is very talented for a girl her age, and I love teaching her. I also…I enjoy her personality very much. She’s smart and kind and…”

“Cheeky,” Eggsy suggests.

“Yes, cheeky,” Merlin says with a chuckle. “Not unlike her brother.”

“Dunno how smart I am.” Eggsy blushes and Merlin is enraptured by the way the back of his neck turns pink. “If I was smart I’d figure out a way ta earn more money, or move out with a friend or sommat. I just…I worry about leaving them alone with him.”

“I understand,” Merlin says. “Again I apologize for my behavior downstairs. I’ve always been someone who acts first and thinks later. I tend to use my heart and not my brain, which…well, it led to the break-up of Wizard’s Wand,” he finally confides.

“Really?” Eggsy whispers.

“Yes. My temper and the fact that I fell in love with the completely wrong man.” Merlin stares down at his tea and says no more, not meaning to have said that much.

“I’m sorry.” Eggsy reaches over and puts a hand on Merlin’s wrist. “I know ya said ya don’t talk ta Harry Hart no more, an’ I know you two was close. I’d hate it if Jamal an’ I had a fallin’ out an’ I couldn’t call him or rely on him or nothin’.”

“Aye.” Merlin finishes his tea in a long gulp. “I have something for ye.”

“For me?” 

Merlin stands up and goes into the bedroom. He kneels down and pulls something out from under the bed, returning to the kitchen and handing it to Eggsy. “Your sister may use this.”

Eggsy slowly opens the case and pulls out a child’s guitar. “But, ya…”

“That was mine. I learned on it growing up, and when my parents passed and I cleaned out their house, they still had it. I’ve kept it ever since.”

“No.” Eggsy shakes his head and shuts the guitar away. “NO way, mate. Can’t take this. What if…what if Dean does somethin’ to it?”

“I think ye will find a way to protect it,” Merlin says simply. 

“But it’s an antique.” Eggsy runs a hand over the case.

“Not quite,” Merlin says, sounding slightly offended.

Eggsy grins. “Sorry, mate. Ya…ya sure ya trust her with this?”

“I trust YOU with it,” Merlin says and Eggsy blushes again. “So tell Miss Daisy to practice the lesson from the week before, and I will see her on Thursday.”

“I...always imagined you was somethin’ special,” Eggsy blurts out. “Listened to ya play, looked at yer poster on my wall. But I never thought past that to what kinda person ya are. Thank ya, Hamish, I mean it. This means a lot ta me, that ya trust me with somethin’ so precious to ya.”

“You’re welcome.” It’s Merlin’s turn to blush. 

 

Michelle and Dean are watching television when Eggsy returns to the flat. “What’s that?” Dean demands immediately.

“A guitar fer Daisy.”

“Where tha fuck didya get tha money for that?”

“I didn’t buy it. Her teacher’s loanin’ it to us.”

“Oh really? Go down on yer knees fer him, too?” Dean snickers.

“No. But he did say if anythin’ happened to it, he’d sue us so fast our heads would spin, so keep yer dirty paws off it, all right?” Eggsy goes into his room, where Daisy’s asleep on his bed. She sits up as soon as he comes in, wiping at her eyes and yawning. “Flower, look. Look what Mr. McNair is lettin’ ya use.” He opens the case and lays it on her lap.

“Fer…fer me?” Daisy gasps.

“Yeah. But we gotta take real good care of it, all right, an’ ya gotta practice hard.”

“I will!” She squeals quietly. He lets her look at it a bit longer before putting it in his closet and tucking her into bed. He strips down to his pants and climbs in next to her, snuggling her close. “I love you, Eggsy.”

“I love you, too, flower.” Eggsy lays awake in the dark for a long time, thinking of Merlin McNair. He’d said he’d fallen in love with the wrong man…Hamish was gay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, wyvernwolf, for your plumbing knowledge.

SIX

“Hi, Mr. McNair!” Daisy skips into the studio.

“Good evening, Daisy. Did ye have a good day?”

“Yes. I did good on my spelling test and Eggsy gave me a piece of candy.” She holds up her hands. “I washed up, though.”

“Good lass.” As always, Merlin’s eyes are drawn to her brother. He’s come to find himself searching Eggsy for signs of abuse, for bruises and cuts. He looks good today in an oversize hoodie and jeans. “Hello, Eggsy.” He wishes he could do more. He wants to hug the boy, ruffle his hair, ask how his day was. He wants to stand with an arm around his waist, inhale his shampoo.

“Hamish,” Eggsy says shyly. “Could…could I ask ya a favor quick before ya start with Daisy?”

“Of course,” Merlin says. 

“Been…been tryin’ ta figure out tha beginning of Tourniquet at home…do…would…would it bother ya ta show it me quick?” Eggsy’s face is red. “I mean, if…”

Merlin smiles at Eggsy’s discomfort. They’ve gotten closer over the past few weeks, talking a lot more about music and life before and after Daisy’s lessons if Merlin has time. Eggsy’s been playing at home almost as much as Daisy, and Merlin knows he honestly wants help. “Aye,” Merlin says softly. He picks up a guitar and tunes it a bit. His fingers fly over the strings. “This part?”

“Yes. I can’t…there. Right there.” 

“All right.” Merlin plays it slowly, muscle memory kicking in although he hasn’t played the song in years. He feels rusty, but by the look on Eggsy’s face, he’s obviously not. “Does that help?”

“Yeah.” Eggsy quickly sits down and pulls the guitar onto his lap. “Got it now. Thanks.”

“Come along, Daisy.” Merlin gives Eggsy a strange look, wondering why he’s suddenly shut down.

 

Eggsy summons all his courage to ask Merlin to play, and he’s not disappointed. He holds his breath as Merlin sits down with the guitar, tunes it, and starts to play. Eggsy’s eyes are locked on the strong hands, the way the long fingers move over the strings. Merlin eventually lifts his head to look at him, not even glancing down at the instrument. “Does that help?” His hazel eyes are warm and Eggsy swallows hard.

“Yeah,” Eggsy says truthfully, but it also doesn’t help. It was a huge mistake, his cock tells him as it plumps and fills in his jeans. He almost grabs the guitar and sits down with it on his lap. “Got it now. Thanks.”

“Come along, Daisy.” Merlin looks at him oddly and takes Daisy in for her lesson.

“Fuck,” Eggsy groans quietly. His eyes close for a moment. He’s getting to know Merlin as more than a person on his wall. He’s funny and smart, and has become so tender with Daisy, as if to make up for what she’s not getting at home. He’s still closed off with Eggsy, as if he needs to keep some sort of wall up, but things are more casual between them, almost like they’re friends. 

But Eggsy has never thought about Jamal the way he thinks about Merlin. He wants to sit and hold those large hands, explore his fingers. He wants to kiss him, bring about one of the beautiful smiles that Merlin so rarely bestows. He wants to uncover the long body, see what’s underneath the jeans and jumpers. He lives for Thursdays almost as much as Daisy does, and unfortunately it shows. “Will ya calm the fuck down?” Dean had snapped just that very evening. “Twitchin’ like a fuckin’ junkie. Ya stealin’ any of my supply?”

“NO,” Eggsy says loudly. “Don’t touch that shite an’ ya know it.”

“Maybe ya should, maybe you’d learn yer fuckin’ place,” Dean says and Eggsy rolls his eyes. 

So Eggsy tries to contain himself, tries to keep from thinking about Merlin every night as he crawls into bed. He contemplates taking down the poster, but he can’t. It’s like Merlin’s watching over him when he sleeps.

 

The next Thursday slowly rolls around and he’s trying desperately not to watch the clock all day. He’s taking a lunch break, standing in the park and eating a sandwich when his phone rings. Hamish the caller ID tells him. He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair. Like Merlin can see him. “Hello?”

“Eggsy, it’s Hamish McNair.”

“Yes, hi, how are ya?”

“Not very good, I’m afraid.” Merlin sounds grave. “I’m afraid I will have to cancel Daisy’s appointment for today. I’ve had to cancel all my appointments.”

“Are ya…are ya all right? Are ya sick?”

“No, but my kitchen sink is.” Merlin sighs. “It’s stopped draining for some reason. I tried using a plunger, but…that only helped to get me completely soaked.” Eggsy closes his eyes, imagining Merlin dripping wet, perhaps a tight vest clinging to his slender torso. “I’ll be calling a plumber shortly, and I have no clue how long it will take.”

“Don’t,” Eggsy says before he thinks. “Don’t do that.”

“Why? This is very frustrating.”

“I can look at it.” The words rush out. “I told ya I do like maintenance an’ all that. Silly fer ya ta pay someone when I can come look at it. If I can’t fix it, you can call tha plumber tomorrow.”

“I could nae ask ye…”

“Ya ain’t askin’, I’m offerin’,” Eggsy points out. “Lemme come over after work, if ya can wait that long.”

“I can definitely wait that long.” Merlin actually sounds relieved. “I appreciate ye offering to come do this, Eggsy.”

“Course,” Eggsy says. “We’re…we’re friends, ain’t we?” As soon as the words come out he winces. Is it too much?

“Aye, lad,” Merlin says softly. “We are. I’ll see ye whenever ye can make it over. I can give ye something to eat.”

“That’s not…”

“I can give ye something to eat,” Merlin repeats and Eggsy chuckles.

“Fine, ya can feed me. Just gotta stop home an’ change, all right?”

“Thank ye very much. I’ll see ye then.”

Eggsy hangs up and stares at his feet. What was he thinking?

 

Merlin takes a deep breath and opens the door. “Eggsy,” he says, stepping aside. “Thank ye again for doing this.”

“No problem,” Eggsy says with a grin. He takes off his jacket and hangs it on the coat stand near the door. He’s wearing a pair of battered torn jeans and a faded grey vest. He’s carrying a small container of tools and a wire coat hanger and looks like he’s stepped out a porn movie. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“It started draining slowly a few weeks ago, and then today it just stopped draining at all. I tried to work with a plunger but as I said earlier, it dinnae end well.”

“Plumbing definitely isn’t fun,” Eggsy agrees. He pokes about a bit around the sink with the coat hanger and sighs. “Yeah, this is blocked, all right.” He sighs and puts the hanger on the counter. “Do ya have like a pail or a bucket or sommat.”

“I think so.” Merlin disappears into the hall and comes back with a small plastic bucket.

“Perfect. What I’m gonna do is get under the sink an’ open the sink trap. Hopefully whatever mess is in there will come out rather easily.”

“All right,” Merlin says, although he really has no clue what Eggsy’s talking about.

“Surprised ya didn’t ask tha landlord ta take care of this,” Eggsy says as he gets down on his hands and knees. Merlin cannot help but lick his lips as the tight arse sways in front of him. Sweet Jesus. 

“Well, it would nae do any good, since I’m the landlord,” he says faintly.

Eggsy turns his head and looks up at him. “Ya own tha whole building?”

“Yes, this flat and the shop below.”

“Guess ya got tha money for it.” Eggsy blushes and turns back to preparing his tools. 

“I’ve always heard real estate was a good investment,” Merlin continues. “And this way I’m close to the shop when I’m at home, and vice versa, and I dinnae have to answer to anyone.” He sighs. “Unfortunately that also means I’m the one who has to deal with problems like this.”

“Should be an easy enough fix.” Eggsy wriggles under the sink.

“Yes, but I never had to learn anything like this. Growing up we moved from flat to flat, and then once I was in the band, we traveled so much that I was barely IN my flat. I never really learned how to be a proper homeowner.”

“Place looks nice enough,” Eggsy says from his little cave. “Okay, just gotta…aw FUCK ME that’s rank.”

Merlin hears a splatter and plop. “Oh, Christ, Eggsy, I’m sorry.” He can see spots of black on the grey vest.

“It’s fine…I seen worse. One time we worked on a flat, little old lady lived there…Jesus fuck the stuff she put down her drain.” Eggsy bends his knees and bounces them together and apart as he works. Merlin tries to look away, but his gaze is slowly drawn to the package between Eggsy’s legs. The jeans are just tight enough that he can make out the rounded shape of his balls. Merlin takes a few steps back and takes a deep breath. Eggsy crawls back out and Merlin quickly picks up a piece of mail, pretending to read it. “Now we know what yer problem is.” Eggsy holds up the bucket and Merlin sees a large pile of black gunk.

“That IS rank,” he says. He gets a plastic bag and Eggsy dumps it in. “Now what?”

“Now we put it all back together.” Eggsy crawls back below. “We’ll run water through so we know it’s clear, just turn the tap on when…”

Merlin obeys and turns on the tap. “Holy fuck!” Eggsy yells, and Merlin hears water splashing below the sink instead of into the sink. He quickly turns the water off and Eggsy comes squirming out. “I told ya ta wait until I had tha trap cover back on!”

“I’m sorry, I dinnae hear ye!” Merlin says. He frowns as Eggsy stands up. His vest is completely soaked and clinging to his chest. “I’m sorry,” Merlin says again.

“No harm done, only water.” Eggsy peels the shirt off and shivers a bit, his nipples coming to attention in the air. His pecs are beautiful toned with a bit of hair spread across them. His abdominal muscles are defined and tight, and Merlin’s mouth goes dry as he watches a drop of water slide down the trail of hair by his navel. 

“I’ll, uh, I’ll get ye a towel and something to wear.”

“That ain’t necessary, bruv, I can wear my jacket.”

“Quiet,” Merlin barks. “Finish up there, and I will get it.” He practically runs to the bedroom.

When he comes back with the towel and jumper Eggsy is turning the water on and off, watching it drain. “Good as new, I’d say.” 

“Here.” Merlin shoves the towel and jumper in Eggsy’s direction, suddenly nervous. This can’t happen, not again. He’s not what this boy wants, not what he needs.

“Thanks.” Eggsy towels his head, wipes at his chest, and then pulls the jumper on. It’s long on him; the sleeves drape over his hands. But the chest and shoulders draw tight and Merlin wishes he could take a picture. He tries not to dwell on how much he likes seeing Eggsy in his clothing.

“I believe I promised ye dinner,” Merlin says. “We could order in Chinese.”

“Ya don’t gotta…”

“I will also pay ye for your time.”

“The fuck you will,” Eggsy says, looking insulted. “This weren’t nothin’, woulda been sittin’ around at home waitin’ ta bring Daisy to her lesson.” He blushes and looks as if he’d said something he shouldn’t.

“Do you like lo mein?” Merlin says, reaching for the menu in the drawer.

He calls in the order and they sit in the living room. “Yer place is really nice,” Eggsy says, looking around. “Didn’t get ta pay much attention the other time I was here, too busy being a horse’s arse.”

“Nae, Eggsy. Ye were protecting your sister, which is a valuable quality in a person,” Merlin tells him. “She is lucky to have ye.”

“She’s my everything,” Eggsy says. He studies his hands for a moment. “If it weren’t fer her, dunno where I’d be. Hard ta keep on tha good side of things where I come from, was headin’ to a bad place. Then once I saw her, I knew I had to be there whenever she needed me, ya know? And with Dean…” Eggsy swallows hard. “Ain’t gonna leave her unprotected.”

“I understand, lad,” Merlin says softly. “My own da was a hard man, although he never lifted a hand to us unless it was a spanking. He worked hard and only understood working hard. He did nae approve of my music, and stopped speaking to me when I left on our first tour.”

“Jesus,” Eggsy whispers.

“It was nae until we recorded our second album that he came to see me perform,” Merlin remembers. “He stood in the front row with Mam an’ my brother. He had his arms crossed over his chest and just looked around at all the screaming people. Afterward I asked what he thought, and he simply said, ‘Dinnae understand why they yell so much. Your shite smells just like theirs.” And then he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.”

“Fuck, that ain’t right.”

“Nae, lad, I could see it for what it was. My father never touched us in anger, but he never touched us in love, either. That hand on my shoulder was an embrace, was an ‘I’m proud of ye.’ I saw it clear as day.”

“Yer lucky ya had that. My da died when I was six…don’t remember him much.” Eggsy shrugs. “That ain’t any sorta excuse for what I got into, though.”

The doorbell rang and Merlin goes to pay for the food. He gathers plates, forks and napkins and begins to open the little boxes. “Do ye have a hobby, Eggsy? Something that can lift ye up and away like music did for me?”

“Don’t got much time fer that, between workin’ an’ watchin’ over Daisy. Always liked ta draw…do sketches an’ comic stuff. I did gymnastics when I was little…was good, too.” His beautiful eyes look sad. “Dean killed that soon enough, though.” He pokes at his noodles. “Dirty fucker.”

“Thank ye again for helping me tonight, Eggsy,” Merlin says seriously. “I appreciate that ye offered. I know I…I was a bit harsh upon our first meeting. It’s just that I’ve gone a long time with no one recognizing me…we’re nae exactly on everyone’s lips anymore. I’ve become somewhat of a hermit, and ye startled me.”

“I kept my promise,” Eggsy tells him. “Haven’t told nobody nothin’, just that Daisy takes lessons from a decent bloke.”

“Decent. Quite the compliment.” Merlin winks at him. The lamp in the corner of the living room flickers. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to have to replace that thing and I’ve only had it a few months. I’ve checked the cord, checked the bulb, but it always does that.”

Eggsy stares at it thoughtfully. “Ya know, it might be the outlet. These older homes, they ain’t wired fer newer technology, an’ the power they push through sometimes ain’t enough. I could look at it, change out all the outlets fer ya.”

Merlin stares at him. “But…”

“Ain’t no big deal, Hamish, or I wouldn’t have offered,” Eggsy reminds him. “Ain’t working nights right now, so it’s not like I’m worn out after workin’ all day.”

“I will pay you.”

“Hamish…don’t want…”

“OR, I will give Daisy lessons for free,” Merlin interrupts. “This will nae be easy work, I at least know that, and I willnae allow ye to do it without some sort of payment. I’ll also provide dinner.”

“All right.” Eggsy slurps a noodle into his mouth. “Make a list of other stuff ya might want done, I can take a look at that, too.”

Merlin stares at him. He knows he’s stirring up a bee’s nest, allowing this beautiful boy access to his home, but he cannot possibly say no. “All right,” he echoes.


	7. Chapter 7

SEVEN

Merlin tidies up the flat as he waits for Eggsy to come over…and then realizes he’s tidying up the flat. For what is basically a maintenance man. He shoves a few stacks of paper into a drawer and forces himself to sit down on the sofa.

He’s not sure why he’s so nervous. This is Eggsy. He is a client. He pays for his sister to take guitar lessons. Eggsy, with the sandy brown hair and sparkling green eyes, the strong jaw and pink lips. Eggsy, with the gorgeous arse and tight thighs and amazing smile. “I am so fucked,” Merlin moans, burying his face in his hands for a moment. He’s been so careful for so long…fucks here and there but no emotions, no feelings. And Eggsy Unwin is causing him to have all sorts of Feelings, with a capital F.

The knock at the door makes him jump, and he orders himself to get it together. “Hey,” Eggsy says almost shyly. He’s in jeans and a hoodie with a knapsack on his back. “How are ya?”

“Good, lad. Come on in.” Merlin steps aside. “I cancelled my class for tonight so we could meet, but after this ye can just stop at the studio for a key if I’m working.”

“Oh.” Eggsy almost looks disappointed. “Ya…ya won’t be up here?”

“Not all the time,” Merlin says. “I trust ye.”

“That means a lot ta me.” Eggsy drops his bag on the floor and winks at him. “What if I was some crazy fan who got in yer face and freaked out about knowing who ya are?”

“Well, thank God ye are nae someone like THAT,” Merlin says with a grin. 

“Speaking of which…” Eggsy swallows hard. “Found…found an interesting connection between us.” He almost looks ashamed. Merlin motions for him to continue. “So, I went online, was lookin’ stuff up about the band. Not about you,” Eggsy says quickly. “About…about tha other blokes. Harry…Harry started a record company?”

“Yes.” Merlin busies himself with getting them each a drink.

“Round Table Records. Funny thing, that…they’s one of the places I run mail and packages for at work.”

Merlin turns to look at him. “Really?”

“Yeah…who knows, I might have walked right past him an’ never knew,” Eggsy says with a tiny smile.

“Who knows?” Merlin echoes.

“The other two…Percival and Lancelot? They sell real estate now?”

“That’s what I hear.” 

“Ya know what? Sorry. I’m…I’m sorry. Ya pretty much told me ya don’t wanna…”

“Eggsy. It’s fine.” Merlin puts a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t mind talking about them with you. Percival…Michael…his family has money. We were always a bit shocked that he fell into performing with us. But James…Lancelot…was his best friend, and he silently followed wherever James led. James always had an eye for architecture, for design…so when the band broke up they went in that direction. They’re very successful, from what I hear.” Merlin smiles fondly. 

“That’s nice.” Eggsy draws a breath, obviously embarrassed by opening this particular can of worms. “Okay, so ya made a list an’ all?”

They sit at the kitchen table and look over Merlin’s notepad. Eggsy is very honest about what he can and can’t do, but only a few things are scratched out. “Make me a list of supplies,” Merlin tells him. “Anything ye need.”

“Shouldn’t be too much, ya don’t need a lot done.” Eggsy looks around the flat. “This is really nice,” he says almost wistfully. “Always wanted…” He shakes his head and looks down at the list again.

“If ye enjoy working with your hands, perhaps this is something you could do…start your own business.”

“Me?” Eggsy laughs harshly. “Fuck, no, bruv, although I appreciate yer support. Takes start-up cash, an’ I sure as fuck ain’t got none of that. Everything I make goes ta Mum an’ Dean. I pretty much pay the rent and half of everything else.”

“That’s not fair, lad.” Merlin frowns.

“Who said life was fair, right?” 

“Right,” Merlin says almost sadly. “So, when would it work for ye to come?”

“When would it work for YOU? It’s your flat, ain’t it?”

“Yes, but I know ye have responsibilities.”

They look over the calendar and decide that Eggsy will come Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, with occasional work during Daisy’s lesson. “Sounds good. If it’s all right with you, I’ll just come right from work…leave my tools here, bring a change of clothes?”

“That is fine, lad. I will make sure the refrigerator and cupboards are stocked, take whatever ye want.”

“Thanks.” Eggsy smiles at him and Merlin’s heart actually races.

He makes sure to be upstairs more often than not when Eggsy’s working, although he stays out of the way. He sits at the kitchen table or on the sofa, reading or going through music. He absolutely does NOT stare at Eggsy as he bends over.

 

Since Eggsy’s not getting paid by the hour, but by the lesson for Daisy, he might just possibly be stretching out the work he’s doing, just so he has an excuse to be around Merlin. The excuse to stay away from Dean is also a plus, of course, but he just loves being around Merlin, even if he’s not physically in the flat with him. Eggsy desperately wants to pry, wants to paw through his drawers or shuffle through his wardrobe. He doesn’t, however; he will not invade Merlin’s privacy in that way. He changes the outlets throughout the flat, and paints the loo. He replaces leaky washers on the taps, and fixes the door to the shower. 

“Lad, ye are a miracle worker,” Merlin says one night as they’re sitting at the table sharing a pizza. “I cannae believe how much you’ve gotten done around here.” He puts down his pizza. “Ye must allow me to pay ye. Actual money.”

“No, I must not,” Eggsy says. “We agreed…my work for Daisy’s lessons.”

“Aye, that is true, but ye have done so much.” Merlin rubs a hand over his head. “And I…I must admit, I enjoy having ye here in the evenings.” He looks as if the admission makes him nervous. “I never realized how lonely the flat is.”

“Oh.” Eggsy blushes. “Well, I…I like hangin’ out here, too. Better than home, of course, except for Daisy, plus…I like talkin’ to ya.”

They smile at each other for a moment. “Daisy is progressing quite nicely with her lessons,” Merlin says finally.

“Really?” Eggsy says, sitting up a bit. “Good. Rarely gotta force her ta practice, that’s for sure. She’s made a friend, finally, little girl moved in next door, and they play. Been hopin’ she could find a good friend.” Eggsy sighs. “Unfortunately most of the people who live around us don’t take good care of their kids, an’ I’m not happy sendin’ her over ta play there. Mum don’t care, Dean obviously don’t, but I do. But these people seem decent, both parents work. Little girl, Jessica, she’s always clean an’ looks well taken care of.”

“I’m sorry, lad,” Merlin says. “Ye are a parent to Daisy when it is nae your job.”

“Don’t mind. Been there since the moment she was born. Mum went into labor, Dean weren’t nowhere around.” Eggsy frowns at the memory. “Twas nineteen, still a kid myself. Was so scared, but I got her to tha hospital, and ten hours later I was holding my flower.” Eggsy sighs. “She was so little, so fuckin’ perfect. She was worth everything from Dean. Every nasty fuckin’ word, every slap, every punch.” He blushes again. “I…I named her. Mum was out of it, said she didn’t care. I wanted a name that was sunshine and good things…so Daisy.”

“Ye are an amazing man, Eggsy.” Merlin’s eyes are dark and his voice is serious as he reaches out and briefly touches Eggsy’s arm. “I wish I had your maturity when I was twenty-five. I was touring and drinking and sleeping with people I shouldn’t.”

“Sounds fuckin’ aces,” Eggsy says to make him smile, and feels a thrill when he’s successful.

“Oh yes…waking up in Paris on the floor of a loo with a strange man in your bed and vomit on your shoes. Fucking aces,” Merlin says dryly.

 

When Merlin wakes up on Monday he knows he should just cancel everything he has planned and go back to bed. He knows the date; it’s burned on his brain. But instead he forces himself to get up, to get dressed, to go down and straighten up the studio. He has his three Monday lessons; thankfully he’s normally done by two on a Monday. He closes and locks the shop after the last lesson and returns upstairs. He stares at the calendar for a long time, the date hateful and angry on the page. He finally realizes he’s a grown man, he can do what he wants. He’s not hurting anyone. If he wants to drink himself into a ridiculous stupor while thinking of all the ways he’s fucked up his life, he can. He’s got nothing else to do that night, he thinks grimly as he heads for the liquor cabinet.

 

Eggsy frowns as he knocks a second time. Normally Merlin’s at the door after his first knock on a Monday; he finishes his lessons in the afternoon and spends the evening at the flat. He hears the thump of a chair hitting the floor, along with a crash. “Fuck. Hamish? You all right in there?”

He hears a fumbling at the lock and finally the door opens. “Eggsy.” Merlin leans in the doorway wearing jeans and socks. Only jeans and socks. Eggsy swallows hard as his eyes wander over the naked chest. Tattoos. Beautiful swirling tattoos that go from his navel to his nipples, Celtic knots and designs with one rather large dragon. “What are ye doing here, lad?”

Eggsy wrinkles nose a bit as Merlin exhales alcohol into his face. “I…it’s Monday. I…I work here on a Monday night?”

“I know it’s Monday,” Merlin growls. “Trust me when I tell ye I can read a fuckin’ calendar.” He turns and stalks away, leaving Eggsy standing at the open door. “Drink?” His voice is slurred and full of gravel, nothing like his normal clear speech.

“No, thanks, try ta avoid it if I can. Livin’ with two barely functioning alcoholics will do that to ya.” Eggsy steps inside and closes the door.

“Well, I hope you dinnae mind if I partake.” Merlin rights his chair and sits down, ignoring the glass and swigging from the bottle. 

“Weren’t judging, mate. It’s yer flat, ya do what ya want.” Eggsy fidgets by the door. “I…I’m gonna go. We can do this another time.”

“Nae, lad, ye are here, have a seat.” Merlin kicks the chair across from him. “Misery loves company, ye know.”

“All right. I’ll stay fer a bit.” Eggsy slowly sits down. “Scotch.”

“A real man’s drink,” Merlin says with a drunken grin. He’s almost more beautiful like this, relaxed, open. “Harry…he always drank whiskey or vodka. Loved a good martini, the posh bastard. But I drink scotch. Homage to my homeland an’ such.” Merlin drinks some more.

“Did…did somethin’ happen, Hamish? Someone ya know got hurt or sommat?”

“Yes, someone I know got hurt. Me. I got hurt. After I hurt everyone I cared about.” Merlin wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Thirteen years ago t’day, actually. Do ye know I lost Wizard’s Wand for the love of my life? Except he was nae the love of my life. He was a walkin’ erection, fuckin’ me for m’money…he dinnae love me at all.”

“Oh.” 

“Have ye ever been in love, Eggsy?” Eggsy mutely shakes his head. “Good. Dinnae EVER fall in love, dinnae EVER give someone that piece o’ ye, because ye can never get it back. Ye cannae control what they do with it once they have it.”

“Merlin, ya don’t gotta…”

“Ye are beautiful, lad.” Merlin stares at him and Eggsy blushes. “Ye are absolutely stunning. Young an’ gorgeous an’ so fit. Jesus.”

“Uh, thank you?”

“He was fit as well. Charlie fuckin’ Hesketh…fuckin’ prick.” Eggsy’s eyes widen. He’s never heard Merlin talk like this, use such profanity. “What the hell was I thinking?” Merlin actually tries to pour into the glass this time, although he misses. Eggsy jumps up and finds a towel. “I know what I was thinking. I was thinking, I’m in my late thirties, in one of the biggest bands in the world. I have this gorgeous young specimen hanging on my every word, bouncing on my cock whenever I want. Of course he loves me. He loves me, because I have worked hard and I’m good at what I do.”

“Course ya were,” Eggsy whispers. He’s not sure he even is required to say anything, but he wants Merlin to remember he’s not alone. 

“But he dinnae love me. He dinnae want me, he wanted my money, my name, what I could do for him.” Merlin pushes the glass at Eggsy. “Have a drink, lad, I insist. Rude for ye to let me drink alone.”

“All right.” Eggsy brings the glass to his lips and takes a small sip. “Jesus, that’s rank.”

Merlin snorts. “Ye are a barbarian. Charlie didn’t like scotch either. He preferred beer, like the idiot he was.” Merlin shakes his head. “Chester found out about him. Chester found out…and I ended it all.” 

“Who was Chester, Hamish?”

“Chester King was the head of our record label. He ran everything at Kingsman records, was in charge of everything.” Merlin twirls the bottle on the table. “He hated me. Hated me because I was ugly, and because I wanted control. I like control.” He slaps the table and Eggsy jumps. “Do ye like being in control, lad?” Merlin’s smile is almost sinister and it goes right to Eggsy’s groin.

“Not…not particularly. Don’t got much control in my life, learned ta live with it,” Eggsy whispers. 

“The music belonged to me,” Merlin says almost savagely. The words vomit from his mouth. “To me and to Harry. We wrote every note, every fuckin’ word. They…they controlled what we did for so long…Chester liked it. He liked control as well, ye see. He loved Harry. Everyone loved Harry. He was so perfect,” Merlin says with a sigh. 

“Ya ain’t ugly, Hamish,” Eggsy says. “Far from it.”

“Well, Chester didn’t agree with ye, lad. He wanted Harry in the front. In the front as the singer, in the front of the album covers, in the front of the photo shoots. Galahad the fuckin’ superstar…Harry…he refused.” Merlin finally gives a genuine grin. “He said we were an equal team, that we deserved equal billing.”

“Harry sounds great.” Eggsy’s not sure what exactly is going on, but he knows it’s big.

“He was. He was my best mate. He was smart. He never got caught.” Merlin wipes at his nose. “Brilliant.”

“Got caught?”

“Well, it was easier for him…he liked girls. But he was careful. ‘Ye fuck a groupie, Hamish, ye dinnae give them anything. Not a phone number, not anything.’ I should have listened to him.”

“Charlie…”

“Was a groupie. He was at every show in this country, even a few in Ireland and Scotland. Always there, looking so good, smelling so good.” Merlin closes his eyes and inhales. “Was my type.” His eyes fly open. “Do ye know my type, Eggsy?” Eggsy slowly shakes his head, almost afraid to ask. “Young…pretty…fit. I started looking for him after our shows, and he was always there, so excited to see me. Back then I…I was hopeful. I saw the good in the world, much as ye do now, lad. Dinnae EVER lose that, do ye understand me?”

“Y-yes.”

“I’ve lost it…trust no one, believe no one. Nothing is good in the world.” Merlin looks pensive as he takes another drink. “Except your sister. She is sweet and good and wonderful.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy agrees with a smile.

“I thought Charlie was good. I thought he was good for ME, but he wasn’t. He was a viper, a thief, stealing my heart when I would have just given it if he’d have asked,” Merlin says morosely. “Chester had an inkling as to what I liked in my bed but never said anything…until he caught Charlie sucking my cock in the back of a limo. He screamed bloody murder, but he was thrilled. He had a way to get me out of the picture.” Merlin sighs. “Gone…gone…gone…”

“Wot?” Eggsy’s mouth drops open. THIS is what brought his favorite band to an end?

“Aye. Back then things were different. We were a rock band. There were no rock bands with gay musicians. Not officially.” Merlin drops his head. “Chester told me if I dinnae get rid of Charlie, he would bring the whole band down, find a way to sue us for breach of contract, take away everything. I could nae do that to Michael, to James. To Harry. And I refused to give Charlie up, because we were in love.” Merlin snorts. “Or so I thought. So I told Chester to fuck himself and quit.” Merlin snickers. “Said just that, said go fuck yerself, ye elderly fuck! I left the band completely, took Charlie and came back home. Thirteen years ago today.”

“Jesus,” Eggsy whispers. “So…so Harry was angry, huh?”

“He never knew why I left,” Merlin mutters. “Never told him. Just said I wanted out, and was gone.” Eggsy blinks at him. “Dinnae judge me, lad, ye were nae there.”

“I’m not!” Eggsy protests.

“Told Charlie it dinnae matter, I had enough money squirreled away, I’d be fine. But he dinnae care.” Merlin’s eyes fill with tears. “He didn’t care about Hamish, he only cared about Merlin and what Merlin could do for him. He wanted the money, true, but he wanted the limos and the parties. He wanted to be my arm candy just to get him into the right parties, and when the parties were gone, so was he. Told me I was a joke, and that I’d been fun for a while, but it was time for him to move on. So I had no band…no lover…nothing.” Merlin sighs. “No best friend.”

“Hamish.” Eggsy moves to the chair beside Merlin, taking the bottle and moving it out of the way. “I’m so sorry.”

“Do ye see, lad?” A tear slides down Merlin’s cheek. “This is why I cannae…cannae tell ye how I feel.”

“How ye feel? About what? You can tell me anything.”

“About you,” Merlin whispers and Eggsy’s heart stops. “Ye are everything I could ever want…ye are handsome, ye are funny, ye are smart. Ye work hard and are responsible. Ye are full of such love and generosity. Your body…Christ my hands burn to touch it. But I am old and broken and such a mess. I am nae what ye could ever want, or what ye deserve.” Merlin actually buries his face in his hands and sobs.

Eggsy’s mind is swirling. Hamish wants him? HIM. The stupid kid from the estates. He takes a deep breath. He cannot think about that right now. He needs to take care of him and get him into bed. “Come on, mate. These chairs ain’t the most comfy. Why don’t ya go lie down a bit, so I can get some work done.”

“Right.” Merlin stands up and almost falls over. “Christ.”

“Lemme help ya.” Eggsy gets close and bears some of Merlin’s weight on his body.

“I’m fine,” Merlin snaps, stumbling away. “I can do it.”

“Right.” Eggsy follows him into the bedroom and makes sure he’s safely on the bed before untying and removing Merlin’s shoes. Merlin paws at his own jeans and Eggsy wriggles them down and off, carefully avoiding looking at Merlin’s body any more than he has to. Merlin climbs under the covers and buries his face in the pillow. “There ya go. Be better once ya rest a bit.”

“It is never better,” Merlin says into the pillow. “I have nothing.”

“Ya don’t have nothin’, mate.” Eggsy pauses before gently kissing his head.

He returns to the living room and sits on the sofa, staring into space. This was a lot of information to take in, but he’s not sorry he knows it. His heart breaks for Merlin. Whomever this Charlie Hesketh is, Eggsy wishes he could punch him in the face. To have someone like Merlin, to have his heart, and then treat him that way? And Merlin…giving up the music he loved, the friend he cherished, all in the name of love. 

Eggsy putters around the flat a bit, refusing to leave in case Merlin needed something. He finally curls up on the sofa and falls asleep, thinking of all the things Merlin had said about him.

 

Merlin wakes up to sunlight streaming through his bedroom window and a pounding headache. He slowly sits up, thankful that the room isn’t spinning. He knows he shouldn’t drink that way, that hard, but it’s the one day a year he cannot possible get through sober. He’s surprised to see a bottle of paracetamol and a glass of water on the nightstand. Perhaps he’d gotten wise in his old age. He takes the pills and pulls on his jeans before opening the bedroom door.

He’s shocked to smell toast and coffee as he enters the kitchen, and even more shocked to see Eggsy Unwin digging through his refrigerator. “Morning,” Eggsy says, giving him a beautiful smile.

“Morning,” Merlin says warily, trying to remember the events of the night before.

Eggsy puts coffee, milk and sugar on the table. “I think we need ta have a talk, bruv.”


	8. Chapter 8

EIGHT

Merlin stares at him, wondering just what he’d said the night before. He vaguely remembers sitting at the table and talking to Eggsy, but not much more. Between only drinking like this once a year and doing it on an empty stomach the alcohol had wrecked him fairly quickly. “All right,” he says finally, sitting down at the table. “Shouldn’t ye be at work, lad?”

Eggsy brings two plates of toast to the table and sits down. “Called out…said I had a sick friend I needed to help.”

“Ye are a good man.” Merlin stirs his coffee. “I’m sure whatever I said…”

“Ya told me about what happened with Wizard’s Wand,” Eggsy says quietly and Merlin gapes at him. “Ya told me about Charlie.”

“Jesus.” Merlin stares down into his cup. He suddenly feels nauseous and it has nothing to do with the hangover. “Well, ye wanted to know why we broke up…now ye do.” He tries to make the comment flippant but he cannot meet Eggsy’s eyes.

“Hamish.” Eggsy’s hand is on his wrist and he slowly looks up. There is no pity, no judgment in Eggsy’s beautiful eyes. Just warmth and compassion. “Ya didn’t do nothin’ wrong. I mean…that Chester sounds like a right tosser. An’ Charlie? Don’t get me fuckin’ started,” he says almost savagely. “Wish I knew where ta find him, I’d beat his bloody face in. He used ya…hurt ya so fuckin’ much.” Eggsy shakes his head.

“I was blind,” Merlin whispers. “I should have seen it.”

“Ain’t never been in love, mate, but I’ve been in like a ton of times. Know how that feels…can’t see nothin’ else.” His eyes are fixed on Merlin’s face and he actually shivers a bit. “I’m sorry ya were sufferin’ last night…must be a nightmare when that date shows up on the calendar.”

“Aye,” Merlin whispers. “And every year I tell myself I’m going to man up and deal with it, but every year…” He shakes his head. “It’s ridiculous, really.”

“No, it ain’t. It’s like the death of someone ya loved, innit?” Eggsy tilts his head to the side. “Ya got yer heart broken, lost the thing ya love most…yer music…and ya lost yer best friend.”

“I suppose so,” Merlin says slowly. “How did ye get so wise at such a young age, Eggsy?”

Eggsy gives him a sly grin. “Oh, I’m full of surprises.” He refills his coffee. “Can I ask one question, though?”

“Of course, lad. I’m an open book for ye now.” Merlin nibbles at his toast.

“Why didn’t ya tell Harry the truth? He was yer best mate, I bet he woulda understood.”

“Ye are absolutely right…he would have understood. He would have faced Chester head on and told him to bugger off…that if he followed through on any of it Harry would have walked with me.” Merlin shakes his head and groans as the world tilts. “The music meant as much to Harry as it did to me. I couldn’t take that away from him.” He sighs. “Plus I figured I had Charlie, and he would help fill the Harry-shaped hole in my heart.”

“Have ya talked to him at all?”

“Harry? Nae…I figured it was best to let sleeping dogs lie.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy sighs. “How about…how about Charlie?” He makes an odd face and Merlin cannot decipher what he’s feeling. “Ya ever see him, or think about him?”

“I think about him all the time.”

“Oh,” Eggsy says quietly.

“I have nae seen him since shortly after all that happened. I left the business entirely…could nae stand to be around what I could nae have. I went traveling…that’s where all the knickknacks and posters come from. I went everywhere I wanted to see when we toured but never had time to explore. And then I hermitted myself away and eventually started teaching.” Merlin sighs. “From what I heard, Charlie took up with another singer who lived a much rougher life than I. He didn’t just drink, he did drugs. Cocaine…even a bit of heroin. Charlie got hooked as well, and tumbled into quite the downward spiral, or so I heard. The singer dumped him, he finally got himself cleaned up, and from what I heard he’s somewhere selling automobiles.” Merlin smiles a bit. “He definitely has the personality to charm someone into buying more than they can afford.”

“So…ya think about him?”

“Aye…I think about how I allowed him to charm ME, and how stupid I was. I try to find fond memories that make up for all the horrible ones…and realize I have a hard time doing it.”

“Oh.” Eggsy suddenly looks pleased.

Merlin gets up and pours himself more coffee. “I appreciate ye taking care of me last night, lad. Ye dinnae have to stay.”

“Of course I did. You was three sheets to the wind. Got a LOT of experience managing someone who’s had a bit too much,” Eggsy says wryly. “At least ya weren’t violent, just angry.”

“Well, forgive me for anything I might have said to ye. Ye should nae believe everything that comes out of my mouth when I’ve been drinking,” Merlin tells him.

“Oh. So…yer sayin’ ya don’t think I’m handsome?”

Merlin stares at him. Eggsy’s cheeks are pink and he won’t meet Merlin’s eyes. “I beg your pardon?”

“Ya told me I was handsome…beautiful, too.”

“I…I do apologize…”

“Ya didn’t mean it, then?” Eggsy slowly looks up, biting at his bottom lip.

“I…well…yes. Of course I meant it. Ye are stunning, lad, and ye know it,” Merlin snaps.

“No, I don’t know it. No one’s ever told me that before.” Eggsy swallows hard. “Ya told me that you couldn’t be good enough fer me…that you was old an’ broken. I don’t think you are. I think yer fuckin’ amazing.”

Merlin suddenly has a hard time finding enough oxygen. “Lad, that is kind of ye, but ye think of me as I was. Ye see me as the picture on your wall.”

“See, that’s not true.” Eggsy stands up and walks over to where Merlin is still standing by the counter. “At the beginning, yeah, that’s all I knew about ya. But now I know ya. I know how funny ya are, how smart. How kind ya are, how sweet ya can be…watching ya with Daisy, haven’t I? I count the hours until I get ta see ya again, swear down.” Eggsy makes a face, obviously not meaning to admit that. “And if this was some sorta just…dunno…idol worship? Idol worship don’t make ya sleep on a really uncomfortable sofa just ta make sure someone don’t choke on their own puke.”

“Eggsy…” Merlin’s heart begins to pound in his chest.

“Ya had yer heart broken, get that…and my heart broke for YOU when I heard it. But if ya meant what ya said, that ya think I’m fit an’ smart an’ kind…well, I feel the same about you.” Eggsy nervously rubs at his hair. 

“I’m old.”

“Yer mature.”

“I have nae dated in decades.”

“I’ve barely dated at all.” Eggsy blushes. “Likin’ blokes don’t go over well in my neighborhood.”

“I have a lot of baggage,” Merlin says finally. “Ye heard it last night, apparently.”

“Well, guess what?” Eggsy flexes a bit and Merlin actually drools a little. “I got lotsa muscles ta help carry that baggage.”

“I…” Merlin is absolutely petrified. 

“If ya don’t want me…if it was the alcohol talkin’, please just tell me now, an’ we can get over this an’ move on.” Eggsy suddenly looks anxious, scared.

“Nae.” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hand. “It was nae just the alcohol talking. I like ye very much, Eggsy.” Eggsy squeezes Merlin’s fingers and smiles hopefully. “Perhaps…I think…could I take ye out?”

“On a date?” Eggsy asks. Merlin slowly nods. Eggsy’s beautiful smile shines all over his face and Merlin’s knees actually go weak. “Yeah, bruv…I’d really like that.”

“All right then.” Merlin draws a ragged breath. “Would Saturday suit?”

“Yes.”

“Shall I pick you up?”

Eggsy looks uncomfortable. “Uh, I don’t think so. Not that I’m like, ya know, ashamed of you or nothin’, it’s just…”

Merlin thinks of what Eggsy said about his neighborhood, and what he knows about Eggsy’s stepfather. “I understand. We could meet downstairs in front of the shop.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says. “That sounds good. But I’ll see ya before that. Be back ta work, plus Daisy’s lesson.”

“Right,” Merlin says. “Ye were not the only one who counted the hours,” he admits.

“Really?” Eggsy turns pink and Merlin wants to kiss him. Instead he simply kisses the back of Eggsy’s hand. “Can’t believe this,” Eggsy whispers. “Been…been wantin’ this fer so long.”

“Aye. Myself as well.” They look into each other’s eyes for a moment. “I should probably shower…brush my teeth.”

“Yeah, ya do kinda smell like ya took a bath in a bottle of scotch,” Eggsy says with a sly grin.

“Cheeky brat.” Merlin reaches up to touch Eggsy’s face and he kisses Merlin’s palm. 

“Ya like it.”

“I do.”

Eggsy sighs. “I should go. Gotta clean myself up, too, plus I got stuff I should do at home, since I’m not goin’ ta work…dirty laundry pile’s so big it would bury Daisy.”

“So responsible.” Merlin smiles down at him. “One of the things I like about ye.”

“Only thing?” Eggsy gives him a wink.

“SO cheeky.” Merlin walks him to the door. 

“You could…you could text me if ya wanted…” Eggsy mumbles shyly.

“All right.” Merlin slowly smiles. “I’d like that.”

“Okay, then.” They both hesitate by the door.

“Thank ye, Eggsy. I mean it. Not everyone would have stayed to look after me.” Merlin’s embarrassed that Eggsy even had to.

“Not everyone feels about ya the way I do…I hope.” Eggsy stands on tiptoe and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Text me.” He goes out the door and down the hall before Merlin can say anything else.

Merlin slowly closes the door and leans against it. “Fuck,” he says, a grin slowly crossing his face.

 


	9. Chapter 9

NINE

Michelle runs into Eggsy as he’s coming out of the loo. He’s fresh out of the shower, with damp hair dripping onto his vest. “Babe…ya took a shower in the afternoon?”

“Yeah. I got…I gotta date.” Eggsy blushes and looks away from her.

“A date?” Michelle smiles and touches his cheek. “That’s great.”

“What’s that?” Dean ambles out of their bedroom. “Muggsy here got a date?” He barks out a laugh. “More than likely he just made a date ta hook up with some other poof behind the pub. Maybe ya should start charging them, bring some extra money in.”

“So I don’t know when I’ll be home, Mum,” Eggsy says, doing everything he can to ignore Dean. “You’ll hafta look after Daisy.”

“Ya don’t gotta tell us how to parent,” Dean snaps. Eggsy snorts. “Oi, Muggsy, don’t you fuckin’ start…”

“Dean.” Michelle puts a hand on his chest and gently pushes him back. “We’ll take care of Daisy. She’ll turn in early and we’ll have some alone time, all right?”

“Yeah. Just keep her quiet.” He stomps down the hall.

“Mum, look after her, please,” Eggsy begs. “Know ya care an’ all, but ya get distracted because of HIM.”

“I’ll take care of her,” Michelle promises. She touches his cheek again. “Is what he said true, Eggsy? About the blokes, I mean.”

“Ain’t a slag, Mum,” Eggsy says quietly. “Ain’t fuckin’ kneelin’ behind tha pub all the time. But yeah…my date is a bloke.”

She studies him for a long moment. “Be careful, Egg,” she says finally.

“I am, Mum. I mean, you didn’t know, didya?” He tries to smile.

“Oh, my babe.” She pulls him into a fierce hug before going after Dean. “Daisy! Time to wash up for dinner.”

Eggsy goes into his room and stares at his small closet. Merlin had told him to dress casually, but Eggsy assumed he didn’t mean jeans and a hoodie. He supposes it doesn’t matter; Merlin has seen him covered in filth from his kitchen sink. He finally decides on nice black jeans and a grey button-down. He smiles as he ties his nicest trainers. Things have been awkward with Merlin all week, but in a good way. They keep looking at each other and smiling, moving in each other’s space but not getting too close. Even Daisy had asked why Eggsy looked so happy all the time, and Eggsy did his best to dial it back a bit. It was almost impossible, however, after spending time with Merlin at his flat, working on things that probably don’t really need done. He has a sneaking suspicion now that Merlin finds jobs that aren’t necessary, just to have Eggsy around. He’s not complaining.

Eggsy studies himself in the mirror, unbuttoning the first two buttons of the shirt and playing with his hair a bit. He takes a few deep breaths but it doesn’t calm his nerves. He thinks for a moment before digging in his dresser drawer and coming out with a chain. He clasps it around his neck and touches the small medallion that hangs a bit below his throat. This was the only thing Eggsy had from his father, a medallion given to Lee by someone during his military days. Dean had immediately tried to pawn it when he found out about it…one of the few times Michelle actually put her foot down with him. “That belongs ta my boy, Dean. Ain’t got nothin’ from his Da…he gets ta keep that.” She was fierce and strong and Dean was shocked into silence. Eggsy rarely gets it out, but he needs it tonight, needs the feeling of his father by his side. Maybe he wouldn’t be thrilled that Eggsy was going out with another man, but Eggsy likes to think that maybe they would have be friends, that he could have talked to Lee about anything. 

He brings the medallion up to his lips and kisses it for luck before exiting his room. “Gotta go.” He kisses the top of Daisy’s head as she colors at the kitchen table. “Be good for Mum. Ya listen to her. If I hear ya didn’t, well, ya don’t wanna know.”

“Yes, Eggsy,” she says obediently.

“Ya look nice, babe,” Michelle says from the sofa. 

“Thanks, Mum.” Eggsy puts on his jacket. “See ya later.”

“Those look like nice jeans…ya sure ya wanna get on yer knees in those?” Dean snickers.

“Why ya always gotta be such a filthy prick?” Eggsy snaps. “Especially in front of Daisy!”

Dean’s up from the sofa like a shot, the back his hand connecting with Eggsy’s cheek. “She needs ta learn sometime, needs to find out what her ‘perfect’ brother’s really like.”

“Fuck you,” Eggsy snarls. He darts out of the way and makes it out the door. He knows Dean won’t come after him; he’s worn down by years of drinking and smoking, and Eggsy’s quick. He winces as he touches his cheek. Fucking prick.

 

Merlin paces in front of the studio, checking his reflection in the mirror each time he turns around. He has on dark grey trousers and a burgundy jumper, nothing too fancy, but nicer than what Eggsy has seen him in before. He hopes Eggsy likes it. He hope Eggsy likes HIM.

“Hey,” a breathless voice says behind him. He slowly turns around with a grin on his face. “Wow, ya look real handsome,” Eggsy says shyly.

The grin fades as he catches sight of the deepening bruise on Eggsy’s cheek. “Oh, my lad,” Merlin says before he thinks, the back of his knuckles gently trailing over the mark.

Eggsy winces but actually leans into the touch. “M’fine, Hamish, swear down.”

“What…” Merlin realizes it’s not really any of his business.

“Didn’t like the way he was talkin’ in front of Daisy an’ I mouthed off. He didn’t like it.” Eggsy blushes and looks down. “Understand if ya don’t wanna…if I look…”

“Ye look gorgeous,” Merlin says honestly, and Eggsy gives him an up from under look that makes his knees weak. “And where I thought we’d go for dinner it doesn’t matter how ye look. It’s nae that kind of place. If ye still want to go.”

“Course I do!” Eggsy exclaims. “Been lookin’ forward ta this all week.”

“I as well,” Merlin says, a flush running over his body. “Shall we, then? We’ll have to take a cab…” He whistles loudly and a cab seems to appear out of nowhere.

“Fuck, mate, ya gotta teach me that.” Merlin opens the door for him and Eggsy climbs in. “That was the loudest whistle I ever heard.”

“Years of experience,” Merlin tells him. He looks between them and slowly takes Eggsy’s hand. “Is this all right?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy whispers, sighing just a bit. “More than.” 

They make small talk on the short ride to the restaurant, although Merlin wonders just how he’s able to form sentences. The last time he’d felt this nervous he was walking onstage with Wizard’s Wand for the very first time. “And here we are.” Merlin pays the driver and helps Eggsy out of the backseat.

“Chinatown?” Eggsy looks around.

“Aye…I know ye have eaten Western Chinese food…I thought ye might like to try the real thing.” Merlin suddenly feels foolish. “But, I dinnae ask ye first. I planned on my own. We can…”

“Hamish.” Eggsy squeezes his hand, twining their fingers together. “It’s all right. I trust ya.”

“All right.” Merlin points across the street. “I used to live there.”

“Where?” Eggsy looks up. “Ya lived HERE? In Chinatown?”

“Aye…after I finished traveling, I settled here briefly before moving to where I’m at now.” Merlin places a hand at the small of Eggsy’s back and guides him into a tiny restaurant. 

“Hamish?” An elderly Chinese man hurries over. “Hamish!” He starts talking in very fast Chinese. Merlin nods and responds in Chinese to the man’s inquiries after his health. He then turns to Eggsy, motions, and introduces him. The shop owner, Mr. Chen, says hello to Eggsy and Eggsy waves back in confusion. Mr. Chen leads them to a table in the corner and promises the waiter will be there shortly.

“Wot tha fuck just happened?” Eggsy says, his mouth falling open.

“That was Mr. Chen, the owner. I have nae been here in a long time, so he told me he was happy to see me and asked how I’d been. I then introduced you as my special friend and he welcomed you to his restaurant.” Merlin’s eyes run down the menu on the wall. Nothing much has changed. “Do ye trust me to order for ye, lad?”

“I trust ya to do anything for me,” Eggsy blurts, and then blushes. “But…Hamish…ya DO realize ya just talked like perfect Chinese, right?”

“Not perfect,” Merlin says modestly. “I am a bit rusty. I’ve been to China six times, and learned the language on my own. I used to walk around here and practice a lot.”

“You are fuckin’ amazing,” Eggsy says breathlessly, and Merlin blushes.

The waiter, also someone who knows Merlin, shakes his hand and says hello. Merlin introduces Eggsy and the waiter shakes his hand as well. Merlin orders five dishes and some accompanying sides along with tea and water. “I think ye will enjoy it. Their food is spectacular.”

“Like I said, I trust ya.” Eggsy looks around. “I like this. It’s quiet, an’ hidden away.”

“Aye, and the food is remarkable.” Merlin takes a deep breath. “Ye know so much about my history, lad, might I ask ye about yours?”

“Not much ta tell, really.” Eggsy plays with his napkin. “Lived where I live all my life. Dad died when I was young, Mum took up with Dean, had Daisy. Did gymnastics when I was younger…was real good,” he says almost wistfully. “Dean messed all that up, though. Got the courier job almost by accident, but I like it, get ta meet all sorts of people, run around town.”

“Do nae be ashamed of where ye come from, lad,” Merlin says almost sternly. “Ye work hard, ye take care of your sister when it is nae your job to do so. Ye should be proud your ability to shoulder such responsibility at such a young age.”

“Too young for you?” 

“We have already established that I prefer younger men,” Merlin says with a wink, and Eggsy finally smiles. “I believe the question is if I am too old for YOU.”

“No fuckin’ way, bruv. Always liked older men.”

“Have ye…did ye…have ye gone out with a lot of, uh, older men?” Merlin isn’t sure how to ask without prying.

“Nah. Never had a boyfriend or whatever. Kinda hard in my neck of the woods. I like, been with men.” Eggsy turns red. “Not a virgin or nothin’, but it was…fast? Secret.”

“I understand. You dinnae have to continue if it makes ye uncomfortable.” The waiter arrives with their food and Merlin begins organizing it as he talks.

“Ya been everywhere, an’ ya seen everything. Must seem like an idiot ta you.”

“Eggsy.” Merlin puts down his plate and takes Eggsy’s hand. “I am a lonely old man who has been hiding away from the world for decades. My heart has been broken into so many pieces that I fear I cannae find them all to mend it. But ye…ye make me want to try.”

“Wow…ya don’t gotta get all romantic on me, Hamish…I was a sure thing for ya from the moment you asked me to dinner.” But Eggsy looks pleased, his ears pink. 

Merlin briefly rubs the back of Eggsy’s hand with his thumb before releasing it. “Ye have value, lad. Dinnae ever let anyone tell ye different.”

Merlin hands Eggsy a very full plate and he tucks in. “Fuck ME this is incredible,” Eggsy moans. “How did I ever think what I was eatin’ was actual Chinese food?”

“We’ll come back here again, if you like,” Merlin says almost shyly. “During the day…we can walk about a bit, look in the shops.”

“Can we?” Eggsy asks eagerly. “Maybe we…never mind.”

“What?” Merlin frowns.

“I was gonna say maybe we could bring Daisy. I think it would be good fer her ta learn about other cultures. But I’m sure ya don’t wanna…”

“I would love to spend time with the two of you outside of lessons,” Merlin says. “But perhaps we should wait a bit…see how this goes between us. We dinnae want to confuse the lass.”

“Yer right. Of course.” The look Eggsy gives him is so full of adoration that Merlin almost drops his chopsticks.

They sit in the restaurant for almost three hours, talking and sipping at tea. The owner doesn’t mind; he’s let Merlin sit there until after midnight in the past, leaving the key with him and simply asking him to lock up when he leaves. “We should probably go,” Merlin says finally. “It’s getting late and ye still have to get home. I could ride there in a cab with ye?”

“Nah, mate, that’s fuckin’ expensive. Let’s just go back ta yers, an’ I’ll get tha tube like always.” 

When they climb back into a cab Eggsy immediately takes Merlin’s hand and it makes him smile in the darkness. Apparently he’s not the only one feeling something. When they climb out in front of Merlin’s building, he says, “Would…would ye like to come up for a wee moment, lad?”

“Sure,” Eggsy says almost eagerly. He follows Merlin up the stairs and into the flat. Once they’re inside Merlin excuses himself to use the loo. When he comes back out, Eggsy’s looking out the window down onto the street. “I’m sorry I can’t…please don’t think I’m ashamed of ya,” he says earnestly. “I don’t…where I live it’s…not nice. An’ I don’t want ya ta think less of me cuz I gotta hide…this.”

“Oh, Eggsy.” Merlin comes over and puts his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders. “I come from a small town, from a poor family. I would nae ever judge you for your family OR your home.” He gently touches the bruise on Eggsy’s cheek. “I would gladly rearrange your stepfather’s face with my fists, however, if given the opportunity. No one should touch you with anything but affection…tenderness.” He cups Eggsy’s cheek in his hand and Eggsy swallows hard. “May I kiss ye, Eggsy?”

“Please,” Eggsy says, standing on tiptoe. 

The kiss is absolute perfect, as first kisses go. Eggsy’s lips are warm and soft, and his body moves toward Merlin like a flower to the sun. His arms go around Merlin’s waist as Merlin’s hand slides up into Eggsy’s hair. They pull back and smile at one another, and then Merlin gets serious. He places a hand at the small of Eggsy’s back and presses their bodies together, smiling as Eggsy whimpers against his mouth. Eggsy’s tongue tentatively touches his, and then he moans, sucking on Merlin’s tongue before gently nibbling on Merlin’s bottom lip. Merlin’s knees actually get weak and he stumbles back, landing on the sofa with Eggsy sprawled across his lap. “Oh, lad, I’m sorry, are ye okay?”

“Better than.” Eggsy straddles his waist and takes Merlin’s face in both his hands. He kisses Merlin hard and deep. Merlin’s hands slide up and down Eggsy’s back as he finally nips his way along the strong jawline and down to his throat. He licks the tender skin there, making sure not to do anything with his teeth. The last thing Eggsy needs is a mark he needs to explain to his stepfather. 

“Eggsy,” Merlin whispers, finally pulling away and panting for breath. Eggsy’s face is red and he is also gasping for breath.

“I think…I think I should go,” Eggsy says finally. “Wanna stay…don’t wanna go. But this…I don’t want that tonight. Not yet…if that makes sense?”

“Oh, it makes perfect sense.” And it does. Merlin would love nothing more than to bring this beautiful boy into his bedroom and spend hours making love to him. But he wants more than that. He wants a relationship, wants something to blossom between them.

“I don’t want ya thinkin’ that’s all I’m after,” Eggsy says quietly, toying with Merlin’s jumper.

“Lad…I would never think that.” Merlin kisses him again.

Eggsy sighs and gets up. “Look at us, bein’ all responsible an’ smart.”

“Look at us,” Merlin echoes, laughing as Eggsy adjusts himself in his jeans. “Do ye want me to walk ye to the station?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Not too late yet.” 

Merlin walks him to the door and kisses him once more. “I had a wonderful evening, Eggsy. Thank ye. We will do this again soon.”

“Good. Text me…I’ll see ya on Monday.” He stands on tiptoe to kiss him goodbye. “I had a great time, too.” 

Merlin holds him for a moment and finally gives him a gentle shove out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

TEN

They go on four dates in two weeks, each one better than the last. Dinner and a movie. A stroll through the Victoria and Albert. Cooking together in Merlin’s kitchen, followed by snogging and caressing on the sofa until they’re both breathless . A free viewing of a Shakespeare play in the park. Merlin tries to remember life before Eggsy, being sad and alone and miserable, and it feels like years ago.

They text throughout the day and try to speak on the phone before bed, although in Eggsy’s flat that isn’t always possible. More often than not Daisy’s asleep in his bed, or on her cot across the room, so he has to keep his voice down. Merlin feels like he could talk to Eggsy for hours, but he tries to end things rather early, since Eggsy does have an actual job.

“Can I ask ya a question?” Eggsy says one night. Daisy is asleep in her parents’ room, and for once Eggsy is completely alone. 

“Of course, lad.”

“Have ya…do ya…have ya written any music? Since the band broke up?” Merlin draws a deep breath. “Ya know what? Never mind. Ya don’t gotta answer that.”

Merlin has spoken with Eggsy many times about the band, about his relationship with Harry, but some things are just still so very tender. “Nae,” he says quietly. “It seems so wrong to write alone. Harry and I…like Lennon and McCartney.”

“Who?” Eggsy asks, and Merlin starts to sputter. He hears a quiet chuckle on the other end of the phone.

“Brat.” Merlin lays back on his pillow and closes his eyes. “I’ve tried, actually, just the music…not the lyrics. But nothing comes the way it used to.”

“Yer music was amazin’, Hamish,” Eggsy tells him. “You know I’m a fan, yeah, but I mean it. Some of those songs, ya don’t even NEED the lyrics. Got favorite songs, but fer different times. Happy day, one song. Sad day, another song. They…they was like comforting, if that makes sense.”

“That is the best compliment ye could ever pay me,” Merlin says, his throat tight.

“Meant every word.”

Merlin clears his throat. “I, uh, did dream about writing, the other evening.”

“That’s promising.”

“I was seated at the piano, not the guitar. I was trying to write but nothing was coming out, and ye came in.”

“And I was full of inspiration an’ ya wrote a Grammy-winning song!” Eggsy says with a laugh.

“Not quite, although ye were quite inspirational,” Merlin murmurs, although he’s alone as well. “I wasn’t in the studio…it was a flat. A beautiful flat with gorgeous windows. A large piano in the corner…and ye came over to me naked as the day ye were born.”

“Oh really?” Eggsy’s voice is quiet, husky.

“Yes. Ye climbed up over me to sit on the keyboard, knees on either side of me.”

“And what did ya do?” Eggsy’s suddenly breathless.

“I ran my hands up your thighs and started to stroke ye as we kissed.”

“Jesus,” Eggsy moans quietly.

Merlin hadn’t planned on going into this much detail, but that moan switches on something in his brain. “Ye leaned back a bit and I sucked on your nipples as I touched ye. Ye were so beautiful.” Merlin has not yet seen Eggsy completely naked, but he can only imagine how beautiful his boy’s body is. 

“Hamish…Hamish, please,” Eggsy whispers.

“Are…are ye touching yourself, lad?” Merlin asks in surprise.

“Can’t…can’t help it…ya got me so fuckin’ hard.”

“Ye were hard in my dream…hard as sin in my mouth. I could nae help but taste ye.”

“Hamish!” Eggsy hisses before letting out a quiet grunt. “Fuck. Fuck ME.” He groans quietly. “Wow.”

“Are ye all right?”

“Did we just have phone sex?”

“I think so?” Merlin asks, and Eggsy wearily laughs.

“So ya weren’t tryin’ ta get me off with yer voice? Christ, imagine if ya WERE tryin’. Fuck.”

“I’m sorry.” Merlin is horrified.

“Why?”

“I just…I never…it was nae my intention to do…that.”

“Are…are ya disgusted with me?” Eggsy asks quietly. “Couldn’t help it. Love yer voice so much, an’ hearin’ ya talk about me, that ya dreamt of me? Got so turned on.”

“I’ve dreamt of ye more than once, Eggsy,” Merlin admits. “And I am nae disgusted with ye. Much the opposite.”

“Ya show up in my dreams, too,” Eggsy tells him. Merlin blushes in the dark. “Don’t…don’t suppose ya still got that kilt, do ya?”

“My kilt?” Merlin blinks in confusion.

“Yeah. I just…fuck, yer damn hot in that kilt. In my poster, yer wearin’ boots an’ the kilt an’ a black vest. Ya look dangerous an’ sexy as hell.”

“Have ye seen my legs, lad? Toothpick is too generous a word.”

Eggsy laughs, sounding more relaxed. “I love yer legs. Those calves? Fuck. I might…” Eggsy clears his throat. “I might have wanked lookin’ at yer poster. More than once.”

Merlin doesn’t know what to say. “I…”

“Now ya ARE dsigusted.”

“Nae, lad, that’s just…a lot. I dinnae realize ye were so attracted to me.”

“Was attracted to tha bloke on the poster, yeah…but then I met ya, heard yer voice for the first time? Fuck, Hamish…I can’t even tell ya.”

Merlin blushes again. “I…will look through my closet, see what I can come up with,” he says finally.

Eggsy laughs again. “Oh, Hamish…”

“Off to bed with ye, Eggsy. Ye have a long day tomorrow.”

 

_Hey I know U R not up yet but wanted 2 let U know D wont be at her lesson 2nite. She is sick._  
_~Sorry to hear it. Can I do anything?_  
_No thx. Just a bit of flu. Grumpy & tired & wants me but gotta go 2 work._  
_~Let me know how she’s feeling.  
_ _K._

 

“Lad, ye should call out of work tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“Ye are exhausted, I can hear it. Daisy had ye up all night last night, I can tell.”

“Not really…she just wanted ta sleep with me, of course, an’ she was burnin’ like a fuckin’ oven. Kept wakin’ me up. Better today, though…she was drenched in sweat when I got up, fever final broke.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I’ll drink a liter of coffee and be good as new.”

“Just make sure to eat. It’s Friday…that’s the cart in the park, right?”

“Do you really have my lunch schedule memorized?” Merlin can hear Eggsy’s grin.

“Ye are the only person I know who has a schedule for where he eats his lunch. It’s adorable.”

“Hey, it’s not just me, some of it has to do with the pick-ups I have at certain locations. It’s all about efficiency.”

“I find your efficiency very sexy, Eggsy.”

“Is that all ya find sexy about me?”

“Oh, no, Eggsy Unwin, I will nae let ye lead me down that path tonight. I created a monster that night with the dream I told ye.”

“Can’t help that yer fit as fuck an’ I don’t get ta see ya near enough.”

“I will see ye on Saturday, right?”

“Course. Be at yer place at five, like I said.”

“Take it easy today, lad. Rest when ye can.”

“Yes, Hamish.”

“I DO like how obedient ye just sounded.”

“Dirty old man. Good night.”

“Sweet dreams, Eggsy.”

 

Eggsy frowns at his phone when Merlin doesn’t answer yet again. He doesn’t have lessons over lunch, and they always talk while Eggsy inhales some food. He sighs and shoves his phone into his pocket as he ambles up to his favorite food cart. He purchases a sandwich and a drink and goes to the closest empty bench. He frowns again as he checks his phone. He’s called three times and texted twice. No answer.

“Is this seat taken?”

“Nah, go ahead,” Eggsy says without looking up. The speaker sits down close to him…too close. A leg is pressed against his, their hips touching. “Look, bruv, I don’t…” He glances up and his eyes widen. “Hamish?”

“Good afternoon, lad.” Merlin smiles slyly. “Maybe ye will stop frowning now.”

“Cheeky bastard…been worried.” Eggsy carefully puts his sandwich down and allows Merlin to hug him. He feels lips press to his neck and he sighs happily. “This is a great surprise.”

“I was hoping ye would like it. I could nae wait until Saturday to see ye.”

“Yeah…I missed you, too.”

“Eat,” Merlin orders. He puts an arm across the back of the bench and Eggsy leans back against it, although he doesn’t snuggle close. They’ve come to an unspoken agreement about public displays of affection. They hug and kiss hello and goodbye, and they’ve held hands, but nothing more. Eggsy has nothing to prove. Merlin is his and if people around him don’t like it, too fucking bad. Except for the people in his neighborhood; he hasn’t been able to overcome that fear just yet and Merlin understands. “How is Daisy?”

“Much better. Mum kept her home from school today, just ta make sure she was okay. Dean weren’t happy about that, but…” Eggsy shrugs. “Fuck him.”

“I’m happy to hear she’s feeling better.”

“Ain’t been able ta practice much this week…hopefully her guitar teacher won’t be too much of an ogre about it.”

“Oh, I’m sure he willnae say a word to her about it…if her brother makes it up to him.” Merlin’s face is innocent although he winks at Eggsy.

“Think I can do that? Make it up to him?”

“Oh, I’m sure of it.” Merlin grins slyly and Eggsy gets hard in an instant. 

“Evil bastard.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” Merlin says, smiling broader and nudging him with his shoulder.

Eggsy sighs again. When they met, Merlin rarely smiled, remaining stoic and serious at all times. Now his smile flashes out constantly, and Eggsy’s blinded by it every time. He thinks Merlin is stunning, and he wishes Chester King hadn’t kicked the bucket years before. He’d love to grab the man by the balls and force him to admit that Hamish McNair is far from ugly. He’s gorgeous.

The half-hour passes quickly and Eggsy regretfully stands. “Gotta get back ta work. Wish I could spend all day with ya here.”

“Myself as well, lad. Be careful running about the city…call me when ye are on your way home.”

“Yes, Hamish,” Eggsy says sweetly and Merlin growls.

“Ye are a fucking temptation, lad.” He pulls Eggsy into a tight hug. “I cannae wait to see ye tomorrow.”

“Me either.” He turns his head up for a quick kiss before they pull apart. “See you then.”

“Aye,” Merlin says, sighing. He briefly touches Eggsy’s face before they turn and go their separate ways.

 

That night Merlin can’t sleep. He tosses and turns in his bed and finally gets up and goes down into the studio. He thinks for a long moment before grabbing a tablet of music staff paper and sitting down with his favorite guitar. He allows his hands to randomly move over the strings before really starting to play, pausing occasionally to write down his ideas.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a warning...things get rough with Dean in this chapter. There's a bit of a fight, nothing too graphic. 
> 
> Major hurt/comfort in this chapter.

ELEVEN

“Do ya have to go out again, Eggsy?” Daisy say morosely as she watches him paw through his closet. “You’re never here to tuck me in anymore.”

“Now, Daisy, that’s not true. I’m here lotsa nights.” Eggsy stands in front of his closet in jeans and bare feet, looking for his favorite jumper. “Besides, ya got Mum.”

“Yeah, I know.” She heaves a dramatic sigh and he grins.

“Maybe it’s in the wash,” he mutters. He leaves his bedroom with Daisy hot on his heels. “Hey, Mum, have ya seen my blue jumper? The one I got for Christmas last year?”

She smiles at him from the stove. “No, babe, sorry.”

“Still don’t know why ya gotta go,” Daisy pouts. She stomps her foot. “Don’t want Mum ta tuck me in, want you!”

“Now, Dais, none of that,” Eggsy says sternly.

“Come here, Daisy girl,” Dean says sweetly, holding out his arms. She gives him a wary look and slowly walks over. He kisses her cheek and she wrinkles her nose but says nothing. He’s been drinking all day and smells as if someone’s dumped a brewery on him. “Yer Da’s here.”

“Yeah,” she says faintly.

“Why don’t ya tell her why ya ain’t here ta tuck her in, Muggsy? Tell her how ya got someone else tuckin’ it in ta YOU?” Dean snickers at his own joke.

“Yer disgusting.” Eggsy heads for the pile of laundry in the corner, triumphantly standing up with the jumper in hand. He jumps when he turns around, surprised that he hasn’t smelled Dean before seeing him. 

“Actually, I don’t think yer gonna go on that date tonight, Muggsy.” Dean smiles and weaves on his feet. “I think it’s about time ya earn yer fuckin’ keep.”

“I earn my keep well enough, AND yers,” Eggsy snaps. “Only one of us with a steady job, ain’t I?”

“Not true. I got a nice job lined up fer tonight, an’ YOU are gonna help. About time ya learn the family business.”

“Family business my arse. Runnin’ drugs for every loser in town ain’t a business.”

The back of Dean’s hand flies surprisingly quick for someone so drunk. “You’d know all about bein’ a loser, wouldn’t ya? Still livin’ at home with yer mum…sucking some bloke’s prick behind the pub. Ya know ya gotta nickname ‘round the neighborhood, dontcha? They call ya Easy Eggsy.”

“That’s a fuckin’ lie.” Eggsy shoves around him and heads for his room.

“Not so fast. I said yer workin’ fer me tonight, an’ I fuckin’ meant it. Need someone ta drive, an’ yer good enough.” Dean starts to follow him.

“Eggsy, please don’t go.” Daisy darts between Dean and Eggsy, trying to follow her brother. Dean trips over her and curses.

“Get outta my way, ya fuckin’ brat.” He grabs Daisy by the back of her shirt and shoves her out of his way. She stumbles, falling into the edge of the kitchen table with a grunt. She loses her balance and hits her head on the table on the way down.

“Daisy!” Michelle yells, running to her and scooping her up. Daisy gasps for breath and starts to cry.

“You fuckin’ prick.” Eggsy drops the jumper and turns on Dean. “Ya don’t fuckin’ touch her, I told ya that over an’ over. Hit me if ya want, ya don’t lay a finger on her.”

“Or what, Muggsy?” Dean sneers.

Eggsy’s fist flies out twice, once into Dean’s stomach and once into his face. Dean growls and lets loose with a punch his own, connecting nicely with Eggsy’s chin. Eggsy gets a few good hits in but Dean’s fueled by alcohol and rage, raining his fists down on Eggsy wherever he can reach. Eggsy finally hooks a foot behind Dean’s leg and sends him to the ground. He sits on his stomach, grabs him by the hair and slams his head onto the ground. “You…do not…fuckin’…touch her…ya hear me…fuckin’ monster…”

“Babe…BABE!” Michelle cries, tugging at his arms until he stops and pans for breath. Dean’s motionless on the floor. “Eggsy!”

Eggsy touches the side of Dean’s neck. “He ain’t dead, unfortunately.” He slowly gets to his feet, wincing and touching his side. “Ya gotta get Daisy outta here, Mum.”

“We’ll be fine. He’ll be sorry an’…”

“Mum.” He takes her by the shoulders and gives her a shake. “Look at her.” They both look at Daisy, who’s sobbing under the kitchen table. “He could have given her a concussion, or something worse. Ya gotta do somethin’ now…ya can’t do this to her anymore.” Michelle slowly nods and fearfully looks down at Dean. “Pack as much as ya can, I’ll call a cab. I’ll give ya money. Go to Aunt Marie…know she ain’t been in touch much since ya hooked up with him, but she still loves ya. Her husband’s a fuckin’ giant…he’ll protect ya.” Michelle doesn’t move. “Mum. NOW.” She nods again and runs to the bedroom.

“Eggsy?” Daisy sniffles.

“Flower, come out. Come on.” He squats down and holds out his hand. She finally crawls out. 

“You scared me.”

“I know, Daisy, I’m sorry. Now, Mum needs yer help. Gonna go stay with Aunt Marie and Uncle Colin. They’s real nice, got a pretty house. What I need ya ta do is go find five books and six stuffies to take with ya, okay? Ya got cousins there, so they’ll have toys. Be quick.” She nods and hurries off. Eggsy takes out his phone and calls for a cab before heading to his own room to pack the largest duffle he can find.

Dean is still out cold by the time the cab arrives, and Eggsy walks them out to the curb. “What about you?” Michelle asks tearfully after she loads their things in the cab.

“I’m goin’ to tha filth,” Eggsy says. Her eyes widen. “Gonna tell them everything I know. They might call ya, Mum, ya gotta tell them the truth.”

“I will. But where will ya go?”

“I gotta place,” Eggsy promises. “Just go.” He hugs her, and then hugs Daisy. “Ya be good fer mum, listen an’ behave. I’ll come see ya soon?”

“Eggsy!” Daisy wails, but he all but shoves her into the back of the cab with his mother. He watches it drive away and then takes a deep breath. His mind is racing, as is his heart. He can only focus one thing at a time or he’ll fall apart. He starts walking.

 

Merlin smiles as he checks the time. 4:55. Eggsy is usually early, so he’s surprised to still be alone. But it gives him time to check on dinner and straighten up the flat a bit more. He has chicken and potatoes in the oven, a salad on the table, and Eggsy’s favorite cake for dessert. He loves getting to pamper him, even if it’s just little things like this. He already feels like he’s known Eggsy forever, and that scares him a bit.

He takes the chicken out of the oven at 5:15 and frowns, checking his phone against the clock on the wall. No, it’s correct. He arranges everything in serving dishes and places them on the table with lids. 

At 5:45 he texts Eggsy. At 6:00 he calls him and it goes straight to voicemail. He calls every fifteen minutes until 8:00 with the same result. No message, no call, nothing. Merlin angrily dumps the food in the rubbish bin and flops into a chair with his bottle of scotch and a glass. Just one. He won’t be getting drunk. Not over this. It was no one’s fault but his own.

“What was I thinking,” he says out loud. Of course Eggsy wouldn’t want someone like him. It’s just taken him a bit to realize it. There’s no reason someone beautiful and young like Eggsy would want to spend his time with an old man who lives alone, who hides from the world. It’s happened before…he’s allowed himself to hope and then his heart is only broken in the end. The boys before Charlie…Charlie himself. Merlin gives in, lets his heart open just enough, and it’s broken. He’s nobody’s first choice…even in the band, everyone had always seen Harry.

In the back of his mind a tiny voice says, ‘maybe something happened, maybe he couldn’t call,’ but Merlin finds that hard to believe. Eggsy’s conscientious like that…always letting Merlin know about delays that could keep him from calling or texting. Eggsy’s kind-hearted, perhaps he couldn’t find a way to let him down gently without hurting Merlin, so he just dropped him completely.

“Story of my life,” Merlin says to his glass. “At least he got nothing from me but a few music lessons for his sister.”

 

Merlin goes to bed at eleven, trying one last time. Right to voicemail. He simply says, “I understand, lad. Message received.”

He’s still awake at midnight when someone bangs on his door. He considers not answering it but finally drags himself out of bed, padding out to the door in pajama bottoms and nothing else. He looks through the peephole and throws the door open. “Eggsy.”

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy says, practically tumbling into the flat. He drops two large duffels on the floor and almost falls over them. “I’m sorry. I know I’m late.”

“Lad…”

Eggsy’s face is covered in bruises and a bit of dried blood. “I couldn’t call an’ then my battery died, forgot my charger. Course those idiots at tha station didn’t have a fuckin’ charger ta charge my phone. Wankers.” He paces back and forth, arms wrapped around his waist. His eyes are wild and even from across the room Merlin can see that he’s shaking.

“The station?” Merlin whispers.

“Police…been there fer hours.” Eggsy runs a hand through his hair.

“Police?” Merlin gasps.

“I…I grassed. Told ‘em everything I know. Told ‘em about Dean, about Rottie, about Poodle. Told ‘em about the blokes they run for. Gave ‘em locations, addresses, everything I know. I grassed. I grassed, Hamish, ya don’t grass, not ever. But…but I had to.” Eggsy stops pacing and looks at him, tears running down his face. “He touched my flower. He shoved her, she hit her head…he coulda killed her.”

“Eggsy.” Merlin slowly approaches him as one would approach a wounded animal. “Relax, leannan.”

“I…I grassed…”

“Where are Daisy and your mother?”

“At my aunt’s. She ain’t ever wanted anything ta do with Dean, but she’ll take them in, they’ll be safe there. Me an’ Dean went at it…beat him unconscious, left him on tha floor. Cops said they’d round him an’ his boys up, but I had ta go somewhere safe…where they wouldn’t find me.” He finally meets Merlin’s eyes. “Oh, God, Hamish, I shoulda asked, shoulda checked if it was okay ta come here. I’m sorry. I’ll go…”

“Nae, lad.” Merlin finally touches him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Look at me.”

“I grassed…but he hurt my flower.” Eggsy begins to sob. “I was scared, then I saw she was okay…then I was angry. I couldn’t see straight, couldn’t breathe…just went after him.”

“Shh.” Merlin pulls him into his arms. “Shh, Eggsy. It’s fine. Ye did the right thing. Ye kept her safe, kept your mother safe.”

“I shoulda done this before…”

“Nae, lad…ye had your reasons.” He pulls back. “Now, I want ye to get in the shower. We’ll get ye cleaned up, I’ll make ye something to eat.”

“Not hungry.” 

“We’ll see about that.” He takes Eggsy by the hand and slowly leads him to the bath. “Get undressed, Eggsy.” He looks at Eggsy, who is standing with his arms around himself once again. Merlin starts the water and helps Eggsy undress. Eggsy shivers as he stands naked on the mat, and Merlin looks nowhere but in his eyes. 

“Come in with me, please, Hamish?”

“All right, lad.” Merlin gets Eggsy situated under the water before undressing and stepping in the shower as well. He grabs a flannel and slowly cleans Eggsy’s face and hands. There are a few cuts on his knuckles but nothing serious. 

“Hamish.” Eggsy presses his face to Merlin’s chest and Merlin holds him. “Don’t even remember comin’ here…just was at yer door. Knew I’d be safe.”

“Aye, lad. Ye will always be safe with me.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy murmurs, tilting his head up. He reaches up and kisses him. “Hamish,” he whispers again, moving his body against him. “So good…” He kisses him again, sucking on Merlin’s tongue.

“Eggsy,” Merlin moans. “We cannae do this. Not tonight.” He puts his hands on Eggsy’s waist but Eggsy only wiggles against him.

“Why not…want ya…please, Hamish?”

“Eggsy,” Merlin says with a groan. He reaches around him and turns off the water. “I will nae have this be our first time. Not tonight…not like this.” He steps out and dries off before tugging Eggsy out of the shower and onto the mat. He takes his time drying Eggsy, who simply stands and shivers. He kisses Eggsy’s cheek. “Do ye want to put these clothes back on?”

Eggsy silently puts his pants and jeans on. He reaches out and takes one of Merlin’s shirts from the hook on the back of the door. “Can I?”

“Of course, lad.” Eggsy pulls the long-sleeved shirt over his head. The sleeves are too long, but he curls his fingers up in the cuffs and sighs, bringing the fabric to his nose and inhaling. Merlin takes him by the elbow. “Let’s go to the kitchen.” 

They head out into the kitchen but Eggsy detours into the living area, curling up on the sofa. Merlin tugs a quilt from the back of the sofa and tucks it around him before going to the kitchen. He makes a can of soup and brings it back to the sofa. “Sit with me,” Eggsy whispers.

“Of course.” Merlin gets situated on the sofa and Eggsy practically sits on his lap. Merlin holds the bowl while Eggsy slowly feeds himself. Once the bowl is empty Merlin puts it on the table and cuddles Eggsy close. “Better?” 

Eggsy nods, his damp hair rubbing against Merlin’s cheek. “I’m sorry I did what I did in the shower. Yer right…it would be a bad idea.”

“Just don’t think that I dinnae want it, because I do. But it’s not what ye need tonight.”

“I need this.” Eggsy wiggles down a bit so his face is on Merlin’s chest. “I need you.”

“And I will always be here for ye lad.” They sit that way for about twenty minutes, and then Merlin says, “Why don’t ye get into something a bit more comfortable for sleeping, and we will turn in?”

“Sounds good. Do…I didn’t grab a toothbrush,” Eggsy says almost sheepishly.

“I can understand why. There is extras of everything in the loo cabinet. Go ahead.” Merlin grabs Eggsy’s bags and takes them into the bedroom while Eggsy goes to the loo. Merlin cleans up and locks up and stops at the loo himself before heading to the bedroom. Eggsy is standing in a pair of sweatpants and a vest, Merlin’s shirt neatly folded over the back of a chair. He looks at Merlin nervously. 

“Wasn’t sure where…if…”

“Come here.” Merlin throws back the covers and climbs into bed. Eggsy crawls in next to him and snuggles close. “Rest, leannan.”

“What does that mean?” Eggsy whispers.

“Sweetheart,” Merlin says almost shyly.

“Mmm,” Eggsy says, and Merlin feels his body relax. “I’m sorry I came here like this…all wild an’ fucked up.”

“Lad.” Merlin gives his back a gentle kiss. “I want to be everything for ye…friend, lover. More than anything, I want ye to feel that I am a safe place for ye to land.”

“Ain’t never had that before.” Eggsy begins to cry again, tears sliding over Merlin’s chest.

“Shh, Eggsy.” Merlin kisses the top of his head and holds him close. He pauses and begins to sing, an old song his mother would sing when he was sick. He gently rocks Eggsy as he sings, a hand slowly moving up and down Eggsy’s back. When he finishes there is silence. He kisses the top of Eggsy’s head again. “Sleep well, leannan.”


	12. Chapter 12

TWELVE

Merlin is startled awake around two in the morning by Eggsy crawling out of his embrace. “Eggsy…”

“It’s all right…forgot ta let Mum know I was okay.” Eggsy fumbles about the room until he finds his phone. He sends her a quick text, heads to the loo, and comes back to bed. “Sorry…had ta do that.”

“You’re a good son.”

Eggsy snorts and snuggles close. “You may be tha only person that thinks so.”

 

When Merlin wakens again at six, he is alone in the bed. He pulls on his slippers and pads out into the living area. Eggsy is wrapped in the quilt on the sofa, staring at his hands. “Morning,” Merlin says quietly.

“Hey.” Eggsy says without looking up.

“Can I make ye coffee? Tea?”

“Only if yer havin’ some.”

Merlin quickly makes a pot of coffee and pours them each a cup, bringing milk and sugar along to the small table by the sofa. “Here ye are. I wasn’t sure how ye liked it, so…”

“Thanks.” Eggsy takes the mug and reads it. His eyebrows go up. “I like guitar picks and maybe three people?”

“A gift from a student. Apparently I come across as anti-social.” Merlin smiles and adds milk to his coffee.

“Wonder why.” Eggsy adds enough sugar to his coffee to alarm Merlin, but he smiles with contentment as he sips at it.

“Did ye sleep all right?”

“Yeah…I did. Thanks.” Eggsy takes a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry I just showed up like that last night. I know…I know we ain’t been dating long. This ain’t what you signed up for, a bloke with the baggage I got. But I wasn’t thinkin’, and I just sorta…found myself here.”

“Eggsy.”

“I’ll pack it up an’ go after this…go see Mum, maybe my aunt will…”

“Eggsy,” Merlin repeats. He puts down his mug, takes Eggsy’s, and puts it down as well. He sits next to him and takes his hand. “It means so much to me that ye thought of me as your safe place to hide…your sanctuary, if ye will. And I will always be that place for ye, as long as ye let me.” Eggsy’s eyes widen as Merlin kisses his hand. “Ye are right, we have not been officially dating for very long, but we’ve known each other for a while now. We are still learning each other, but when I look at ye, I like what I see. Not just on the outside, although ye are bloody beautiful. Ye are warm and loving and mature for your age. Responsible. Ye are so unselfish. Ye went through something quite traumatic last night, yet here ye are, apologizing to ME for coming to me for comfort, for safety.” Merlin shakes his head. “I wish I was half the man ye are.”

“Hamish…”

“I’ve been alone for quite some time, yet even before that, no one saw the value in me that you do,” Merlin says honestly. “I doubt anyone would have thought to come to me for help. And as for baggage…” Merlin gives him a shy smile. “I think we can both agree that I come with quite a lot of my own.”

“Yeah, but…I’m hidin’ from fuckin’ thugs in yer flat, Hamish!” Eggsy says. “I had no right ta bring that ta you.”

“Eggsy, ye could bring the hounds of hell to my flat and I would gladly stand between ye and they,” Merlin says quietly. He opens his arms a bit and Eggsy immediately wriggles close, draping the quilt over them both.

“I don’t want to scare you away, Hamish,” Eggsy says in a tiny voice.

“Well, lad, there is nae a chance of that. Ye are stuck with me now.” Merlin kisses the top of his head. “Everything we’ve been through in our lives, I think we both need to stop worrying about things being too soon, or pushing each other away.” Merlin chuckles a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“I should take a dose of my own medicine. Last night when ye dinnae show, I thought…I thought it was your way of letting me down gently.”

Eggsy turns to look him in the eye. “Hamish! I would never do that to ya.”

“I know, but I was…I was paranoid. Ye are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.”

“Fuck…ya must have had some bad shite happen to ya then, if I’m the best,” Eggsy teases.

Merlin takes Eggsy’s chin and tilts his face toward him. “Ye are the only person I have ever told about Charlie, lad.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy whispers.

Merlin kisses him, chaste sweet kisses that never move further than an occasional touch of tongues. Merlin carefully touches the bruised face. “Maybe ye are my sanctuary as well,” Merlin murmurs, wondering why he suddenly feels the need to talk like a romance novel. 

“I’ll try my best,” Eggsy whispers. “Ain’t never…ain’t never had someone like this before, someone willing to look out for me, ya know? I was always tha one takin’ care of someone else.”

“Ye deserve to rest, let someone take care of you.” Merlin kisses his forehead. “Today why don’t we laze about a bit, and then after lunch we could go see your mother?”

“Sounds aces.” Eggsy sighs. “Might not…dunno if I can tell them…”

“We will say that I am Daisy’s teacher and your friend. This is true. Ye came to me knowing I could keep ye safe, and ye are staying with me for a few days until things blow over.” Eggsy pulls himself up and stares at him. “Unless…unless ye dinnae want to. You’re right. Too soon. Ye will…”

“Ya want me ta stay here with ya?”

“Of course,” Merlin says.

He finds himself with a lap full of Eggsy, a warm mouth kissing his face all over. “Thank ya…fuck, thank ya, Hamish. Can’t believe…I…”

Merlin laughs. “You’re welcome, lad.” Eggsy slides back off and Merlin stretches. “While I like sitting here with ye, lad, it is much more comfortable in bed. I think we both could use a bit more sleep.”

“Sounds good.” Eggsy gets up, folds the quilt, and brings his cup to the sink before ambling off toward the bedroom. Merlin cleans up the rest and makes sure to turn off the coffeemaker before following him down the hall.

 

When Eggsy wakes up the clock on the nightstand says 11:04. He rolls out of Merlin’s embrace, stretches, and leans his head on his hand as he looks at him. He’s absolutely stunning, the long lines of his body enhanced by the gorgeous swirls of tattoo ink. Eggsy wants to touch them. He wants to LICK them. But he controls himself and simply watches the man sleep. This man, this man he feels like he’s known his entire life. The man he’s looked at on his wall for years…but nothing like the man sleeping next to him. He’d meant what he said; he had no clue he was going to end up at Merlin’s home when he’d left the neighborhood. But somehow he knew he’d be safe there, that Merlin would help him. It was a foreign concept, going to someone else for help. He’d always hid his pain, hid is problems. No one could fix them, so it was useless to share them. Until now.

“If ye take a picture it will last longer,” Merlin says without opening his eyes.

Eggsy grins. “Maybe I will. Wouldn’t mind a picture of that on my phone.” 

“Mmm…naughty boy.” Merlin reaches out for Eggsy and pulls him close. “Good morning again.”

“Morning.” Eggsy kisses Merlin’s chest before laying his head down.

“How about I run down the street for something to eat…too lazy to cook,” Merlin mumbles.

Eggsy likes the way his voice rumbles through the slender chest. Merlin’s hand slides up and down his back and he sighs. 

“Sounds perfect.” A thought occurs to him and he snickers.

“What?”

“Could ya pick me up something?”

“Anything.”

“Shampoo…didn’t bring none, an’ I’m figurin’ ya don’t got none.”

A hand tugs at Eggsy’s hair. “Cheeky…but ye are right. I dinnae have shampoo. I will gladly get ye some. Anything else ye need? I have most toiletries here.”

“Should be fine.” Eggsy sits up again and smiles down at him. “Thank you. Fer everything.” He leans down and gives Merlin a kiss.

“My pleasure.” Merlin touches his cheek and sits up groaning. “Fuck, lad, getting old is a trial.” He gets out of bed and stretches. 

“Don’t look old ta me,” Eggsy says admiringly, eyes running over Merlin’s tall frame.

“I believe ye are a bit biased,” Merlin says as he blushes.

“Oi, look at ya blush! So cute.” Eggsy crawls over and hugs Merlin around the waist, kissing his stomach.

“I am nae cute,” Merlin growls, but he blushes some more.

Eggsy calls his mother while Merlin gets dressed, telling her he will be by after lunch. He kisses Merlin goodbye before he leaves, and then sits down to text Jamal. He wants his friend to know that he’s all right, as he’s sure the story will spread like wildfire through the neighborhood. He sees a missed call from an unfamiliar number and checks his voicemail…it’s one of the detectives from the police station.

“Mr. Unwin, this is Detective Fred Knowles. I wanted to inform you that we picked up Mr. Baker along with his associates. They will be held temporarily…I cannot say much more. I will say that with the information you’ve given us, if it’s like you say, this will not be temporary. Please stay in the area, and we’ll be in touch.”

Eggsy sighs with relief at the knowledge that Dean and his mutts are off the street, at least for now. He goes through his bag, pulls out clothing for the day, and is washing Merlin’s dishes when he comes back through the door.

“Lad, that is nae necessary,” Merlin protests.

“Least I can do,” Eggsy says. 

“Shower or food?” Merlin holds up first one bag and then the other. 

“Better shower…know ya cleaned me up last night but I feel rank.” 

“All right.” Merlin hands him the shampoo. 

“Thanks.” Eggsy fidgets a bit. “Got a message from the detective…they got Dean an’ his goons.”

“Good,” Merlin says savagely. “I hope I never run into that monster, Eggsy, or ye will be visiting ME in jail.”

“Wow…yer sexy when yer like that,” Eggsy says with a grin. He blows Merlin a kiss and hurries off to shower.

He feels like a new man when he sits down at the kitchen table a short while later. “I hope the shampoo was okay…was nae sure what ye liked.”

“It was fine,” Eggsy promises. “Was thinking about something in there.”

“Oh really?” Merlin wiggles his eyebrows.

“Dirty old man,” Eggsy says with a grin. “Ya do realize Mum will probably recognize ya.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Merlin moans. 

“Ya know, I keep forgettin’ that’s you. I mean, at the beginning it was all I could see, but now?” Eggsy touches his hand. “Now yer just Hamish.”

“Aye, lad…Merlin died a long time ago,” Merlin says quietly.

“Well, he’s gonna be reborn once my mum sees ya.”

“Jesus,” Merlin repeats.

 

When they prepare to leave, Eggsy is surprised to see Merlin pick up a guitar case. “I’m sure Daisy is feeling a bit out of place there…perhaps she might enjoy showing her family what she can do.”

“And this is why ya are amazing.” Eggsy kisses him. “One of the many reasons.”

He starts getting nervous as they approach his aunt’s neighborhood. It’s not the best neighborhood, but definitely an improvement from his own. He realizes Merlin has never seen where he lives and he starts to feel a bit uncomfortable. “Lad…what’s wrong?” Merlin asks. “Ye look sad.”

“I just…guess there’s no hiding it now, where we’re from.”

“I told ye I dinnae care. Where ye are from is nae what ye are.”

“I know,” Eggsy says with a sigh. “Where my aunt and uncle live is nicer, though.”

He takes a deep breath before knocking on their door. He realizes he hasn’t spoken to them in at least three or four years. The door flies open. “Eggsy.”

“Hello, Aunt Marie.”

“Oh, you sweet boy.” He’s pulled into a giant hug. “You poor dear thing…what you’ve been through.” She pulls back to look at him. “Oh, dear.” She touches his cheek and hugs him again.

Merlin winks at him. “Nice…nice to see ya, Aunt Marie. Thanks fer takin’ them in…couldn’t think of anywhere else for them ta go.”

“Of course I’d take them in.” Aunt Marie pulls back and smiles.

“Oh, Hamish, this is my Aunt Marie, Mum’s sister. This is my friend Hamish McNair.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she says, smiling at Merlin. “Come in.”

Daisy comes flying down the hall as soon as the door closes. “EGGSY!” She throws herself into his arms and he picks her up.

“Flower. Oh, babe, ya okay?” He touches her head. “Mum said you was fine on the phone, but…”

“Yeah, missed you.” She hugs him so tight he can barely breathe. She looks over his shoulder. “Mr. McNair?”

“Hello, lass. Your brother is staying with me for a few days so he doesn’t have to put your aunt and uncle out.”

“I get to introduce you to Mummy!” Daisy slides out of Eggsy’s arms onto the floor. She takes Merlin’s hand and drags him down the hall. “Mum! Mummy!”

“Oh, Christ,” Eggsy mumbles, quickly following them.

Michelle is seated at the table in Marie’s sunny kitchen. “Eggsy, thank God,” she gasps, jumping up to hug him. “Are ya all right?” Her hands tremble as she touches his face. “I’m so sorry, Eggsy.”

“Mum, shh…it’s fine. Ain’t yer fault.” He hugs her close. “Was never yer fault,” he whispers into her hair. “Mum, this is…”

“This is Mr. McNair, Mum! This is my guitar teacher!” Daisy announces, beaming up at Merlin.

“Hamish McNair, Mrs. Baker…a pleasure to meet ye. Daisy is a wonderful child and a brilliant student.”

“I…I…” Michelle stutters as he looks up at him. He blushes and looks at Eggsy.

“Yeah, Mum, that’s who he is,” Eggsy says softly, unable to keep from grinning at the way she’s looking at Merlin. “I was freaked out too, at the beginning.”

“My daughter’s been taking lessons from Merlin?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“He goes by Hamish, now, Mum…ta stay away from weirdos like you,” Eggsy teases.

“Behave yourself,” Michelle snaps, coming back to herself a bit. “I am not a weirdo. Besides…you know I always liked Galahad best.”

“Of course ye did,” Merlin says with a sigh. “Everyone always did.”

“I don’t,” Eggsy says under his breath and Merlin turns red. 

“Mr. McNair, you brought your guitar!”

“Aye, lass, I thought perhaps ye could show your mum and aunt how well ye play.”

“That would be lovely,” Marie says. “Elizabeth, Brian!” Two children a bit older than Daisy come into the kitchen. “This is your cousin, Eggsy, and his friend Mr. McNair.”

“He teaches me guitar,” Daisy tells them as Merlin gets the guitar out. She sits down and he places it on her lap. She plays the two simple songs she knows and Eggsy is almost bursting with pride as her cousins stare at her in shock.

“Wow, Dais, that’s real good,” Brian says. 

“Thanks,” she says, suddenly shy. She thrusts the guitar at Merlin. “You play.” Eggsy clears his throat. “Please.”

“Me? All right. Let me see.” Merlin sits down on a chair and lets his fingers wander a bit. Eggsy swallows hard. In his opinion, Merlin is at his sexiest while holding a guitar. “I’d like to be…under the sea…in an octopus’s garden, in the shade…” Merlin quietly sings. Eggsy smiles. He knows this song. “He’d let us in…knows where we’ve been…in his octopus’s garden in the shade…” Daisy giggles. “I’d ask my friends to come and see…an octopus’s garden with me…I’d like to be, under the sea, in an octopus’s garden, in the shade…”

“We would be warm, below the storm, in our little hideaway beneath the waves, resting our head, on the sea bed in an octopus’s garden, near a cave…we would sing and dance around…because we know we can’t be found…” Eggsy sings with him. They continue to sing together, Daisy dancing a bit and Aunt Marie tapping her foot in time with the music.

“Mr. McNair, you’re the best in the whole wide world,” Daisy announces when they finish.

“I doubt that, but thank ye, lass,” Merlin says. 

“I’ll make tea,” Marie announces. “Stay and visit a bit.”

“Mummy, can I show Mr. McNair the garden?” Daisy asks. “It’s really nice.”

“If he wants,” Michelle say.

“I would be honored.” Merlin puts the guitar away and allows Daisy to take him by the hand again.

“They have a swing,” she informs him as they walk away.

Eggsy goes to the window and watches Merlin go outside with the children. He smiles as Daisy orders him onto the swing and tries to push him. It takes all three children and they’re soon shrieking with delight as they get him to move. “So…Merlin of Wizard’s Wand is Daisy’s guitar teacher.” Michelle steps up to his side.

“Yeah,” Eggsy says. “Crazy, right?”

“Yeah, but he seems nice.”

“He is fuckin’ amazing, Mum. Like, just incredible.”

“Is he now?” Michelle leans in closer. “I also think Merlin of Wizard’s Wand is the man you’ve been dating.” He turns to look at her but she’s watching out the window. “I’m yer Mum, Eggsy. I see things…and I see the way he looks at you, like ya hung the moon.”

“Mum…” 

“And you feel the same.” Eggsy slowly nods. “Be careful, Eggsy.”

“I am, Mum. We ain’t…it ain’t like that.”

“That’s not what I mean. Be careful of your heart. It’s bigger than most.” She kisses his cheek and goes to help make the tea.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we earn our explicit rating.

THIRTEEN

As they walk up the steps of Merlin’s flat, he says to Eggsy, “I was thinking. Ye should probably call out tomorrow.”

“Call out?” Eggsy stops walking and turns to frown at him. “But I’m fine.”

“I knew ye are, lad,” Merlin promises. “But would it kill ye to take a day to yourself? Ye know your mother and Daisy are fine, and if ye like…I could take the day with ye. I only have two lessons on a Monday, and I can cancel.”

“Ya don’t gotta do that,” Eggsy says, but he seems to like the idea.

“I was thinking we could have lunch with your mother. Daisy will be in school, so we dinnae need to worry about her. There’s a lot to talk about.”

Eggsy waits for Merlin to open the door. “What do ya mean, a lot ta talk about?”

“Well, your living situation, for one. Do ye think ye will be safe returning to your flat?” Merlin takes his hand and keeps him from walking any farther. “I know I have no say over your life, Eggsy, but I dinnae like the idea of your family going back there if ye will be in danger. I could nae live with myself.”

“Hamish.” Eggsy turns pink. “I think we should be all right. Anyone who might take Dean’s side is in there with him. He definitely didn’t have any friends anywhere. We should be fine. I’m sure the police will be contacting us soon to let us know what’s happening next.”

“Aye. I’m fairly certain Dean and his band of idiots will nae be allowed out on bail.”

“Yeah. I…I told ‘em about everything. About the…” Eggsy goes and sits on the sofa.

“About the abuse,” Merlin finishes quietly. He sits close to Eggsy and puts an arm around him. “I can read it all over your face, lad. Ye feel guilty.”

“Shoulda said somethin’ a long time ago, Merlin. What…what if he’d have really hurt her? So many times me an’ Mum jumped between him an’ Daisy, but what if one day we wasn’t quick enough?”

“Ye took care of it this time, Eggsy. Daisy is fine, and perhaps this is what your mother needed.” Merlin takes a deep breath. “I will only say this once, Eggsy, because it is really nae my concern. Ye…ye are not the parent here. Your mother is. She should have done something a long time ago, for both ye AND Daisy. However, I absolutely cannae judge her, because I have nae walked in her shoes. But ye cannae feel guilty, because Daisy was NOT your responsibility…although ye have done a wonderful job protecting her and caring for her. Ye are an amazing young man.” Merlin gives him a gentle kiss.

“Always wondered why she never did nothin’,” Eggsy says in a small voice. Merlin cuddles him closer. “Always wondered why she let him hit me, let him call me names. I guess she…she didn’t know what else ta do. Ain’t got no fancy education, got no real job skills. Think she was afraid ta go to her family, thought they’d turn her away, although we know now they wouldn’t have.” Eggsy heaves a sigh. “But then again, I never asked her ta do anything. I never tried ta help her get away.”

“Ye did everything ye could.” Merlin holds him close. “I’ve been thinking, Eggsy…what if the three of ye moved to a better neighborhood?”

“How?” Eggsy asks. “My job don’t bring in much, an’ if Dean’s gone fer good…we ain’t even got tha money he brought in now an’ then. Any job Mum can get once she gets herself together ain’t gonna pay much.”

“I thought, well, I figured…perhaps ye would let me help ye.” Eggsy crawls out of his embrace to turn and stare at him. “Just a loan. Until ye can get on your feet.”

“Hamish.” Eggsy reaches up and touches his cheek. “That’s…that’s so sweet. But ya only known us a short while. Can’t do that.”

“But I want to help ye. I have money to burn. Money that would help ye more than it’s helping me.”

“We can’t take a handout,” Eggsy says. Merlin opens his mouth to protest but Eggsy puts a finger over it. “We gotta do this on our own, okay? I appreciate it, but no thank you. We should be safe there, and maybe…maybe having this goal, finding a job, maybe it’s what Mum needs. Okay?”

“Okay. But if things get bad…please come to me.”

“Promise.” Eggsy snuggles close again. “But I do like the idea of having lunch with Mum tomorrow.”

“Good.” Merlin closes his eyes for a moment, wondering just how he’s gotten himself in this position. For so long he’s hidden himself away, both emotionally and physically. He’s opened up to no one, perfectly happy to live his life as a hermit. Now this beautiful boy has wormed his way into Merlin’s heart, bringing his sister and mother along for the ride. Merlin finds himself feeling empty when Eggsy’s not around, feeling lonely just because he’s not touching Eggsy in some way. He’s actually been writing again, music AND lyrics, which he hasn’t done in years. All because of Eggsy. He figures he should be terrified, but he’s not. Because it absolutely feels right.

 

Eggsy yawns and opens his eyes, glancing at the clock on the wall. The room’s started to grow dark; they’ve been sleeping for over an hour. “Fuck,” he says yawning again and sitting up. “Hamish, wake up, bruv. We fell asleep”

“Hmmm?” Merlin opens one eye and pulls Eggsy back down. “Hush. Sleeping.”

“Hamish!” Eggsy says, giggling a bit and pulling away again. “We gotta get up or we’ll never sleep tonight.”

“Is that a bad thing?” But Merlin immediately gets to his feet and stretches. “I’m sorry, lad. I was so comfortable with ye in my arms.”

“Me, too,” Eggsy says almost shyly. “Ya hungry? I could make dinner.”

“Ye are my guest, Eggsy. I cannae ask ye to cook.”

“Yer not askin’, I’m offerin’,” Eggsy points out. “Think I can handle something easy, Hamish.” He wanders to the kitchen and starts poking around in the cupboards. “Here.” He holds up a box of pasta and a jar of sauce. “Trust me with this?”

“Aye,” Merlin says with a grin. “I suppose I can trust ye with that.”

“Good.” Eggsy stands on tiptoe to kiss him. He puts the pasta and sauce on the counter before turning back around to face Merlin. “Realized I ain’t never said thank you. Thank you fer openin’ tha door for me, even when ya thought I was standin’ ya up. Thank ya fer takin’ me in an’ givin’ me a safe place to land.” He feels his face burn a bit. “Thank ya fer not takin’ advantage of me in tha shower.”

“I would never…”

“I know ya wouldn’t, but thank ya anyway. An’…an’ thank ya fer what ya offered earlier. The money. I…” Eggsy rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Don’t know many people that would have done what you’ve done fer me. So, yeah. Thanks.”

“Leannan,” Merlin says softly, and Eggsy gets a bit of a shiver down his spine. Sweetheart. He calls him sweetheart. “Do ye really nae see what I feel for ye? Granted, we have nae know each other long, but…something about ye called to me from the start, and I…I would do anything to keep ye safe and happy. Let’s just say that.” Merlin kisses the backs of Eggsy’s hands, and then the insides of his wrists.

“Thank you,” Eggsy whispers again. He kisses Merlin. “Now go find something ta do while I make dinner.”

“Yes, dear,” Merlin says obediently and Eggsy laughs.

 

As Eggsy starts water boiling and digs around for another pot Merlin starts tidying up the flat. He bags up the rubbish and says, “I’m going to take this out, be right back.”

“All right.” Eggsy smiles at him over his shoulder and Merlin has to turn and walk away. It’s frightening how RIGHT it all seems. So domestic and perfect. He’d had to stop himself from asking Eggsy just to move in altogether earlier…but he knows it’s too soon for that. Eggsy has faults, and god knows Merlin has his own. They’re still getting to know one another, and this isn’t the time to rush things along. Merlin just wants Eggsy safe and happy. He wants him to start enjoying his life instead of working and worrying all the time.

Merlin lugs the rubbish bag outside and drops it into place. He starts thinking about where Michelle might want to go for lunch the next day. He wants to take them somewhere nice, maybe even convince her to agree to a salon day. “Eggsy, I…” Merlin says as he walks in the door, but what he hears makes him stop short.

Eggsy’s standing at the stove, leaning against the counter and idly stirring the pasta. He’s also singing a Wizard’s Wand song, one of their lesser known tracks that Merlin’s always loved but Harry never wanted to perform live. “Are you with me after all…why can’t I hear you? Are you with me through it all…then why can’t I feel you? Stay with me, don’t let me go…because there’s nothing left at all. Stay with me, don’t let me go…until the Ashes of Eden fall…”

Eggsy’s voice is pure and beautiful and it sends a shiver right down to Merlin’s bones. Suddenly he doesn’t seem in control of his body. He walks over to the kitchen and simply says, “Eggsy.”

“Sorry,” Eggsy says immediately. “Know ya don’t like hearin’ yer songs…didn’t know you was back.”

Merlin cups his face in his hands and kisses him, a long passionate kiss that leaves Eggsy gasping for breath. “Ye may sing whatever ye want. I will never stop ye. Yer voice is incredible and hearing ye sing my songs…” Merlin shakes his head and kisses him again.

“I need…dinner…”

Merlin takes the spoon from Eggsy’s hand and puts it on the counter. He turns off the burners and moves the pots to cooler areas before kissing Eggsy again. “I am nae hungry…except for you,” he says, knowing it sounds cheesy but not giving a fuck. “I want…I’d like to take ye to bed.”

“Really?” Eggsy whispers, his eyes wide.

“Aye, if ye would like it as well.”

“Yer damn right I’d like it,” he whispers. He slides a hand into Merlin’s and Merlin leads him down the hall.

Once they’re in the bedroom Merlin hesitates at the foot of the bed, suddenly feeling awkward. Eggsy looks up at him, blue-green eyes trusting and beautiful. He reaches for the hem of his shirt and pulls it up over his head, and Merlin now has the opportunity to look all he wants. And touch. He can touch all he wants. He reaches out and spreads his hands over Eggsy’s bare chest. He’s had his hands on it before, but they’ve worked very hard not to let things go too far too fast. That doesn’t matter now. “Ye…ye are beautiful,” Merlin whispers.

“I’M beautiful?” Eggsy makes short work of Merlin’s shirt. His fingers slowly trace along the lines of Merlin’s tattoos. “First time I saw ya without a shirt I about choked on my own spit.”

Merlin can’t help but laugh. “That’s…flattering.”

“Well, ya were drunk off yer arse at the time,” Eggsy points out. His hands slowly run over Merlin’s chest. “Hamish,” he whispers, and the laughter fades away.

They kiss again for a long moment, just standing at the foot of the bed. They’ve done this before, kissed and touched and caressed, but have never made it to being completely naked other than in the shower that one night. “Are ye sure about this?” Merlin murmurs, kissing his way down Eggsy’s neck.

“More than,” Eggsy promises. Merlin steps back and undoes his trousers, shoving them and his pants to the floor. He steps out of them and looks at Eggsy. “Jesus fuck,” Eggsy whispers. His hands slide down Merlin’s sides to his hips, thumbs circling the bones. “Fucking gorgeous.”

Merlin puts his hands at the button of Eggsy’s jeans and Eggsy nods. He helps Eggsy shimmy out of them and soon they’re both naked. Merlin places his hands on Eggsy’s backside and pulls him close. “Ye are a work of art, my Eggsy.”

The kisses grow more passionate and they eventually climb onto the bed. They lay on their sides, wrapped in each other’s arms. Merlin cannot keep his hands still. They explore the strong back, slide down and grab the beautiful arse. One of Eggsy’s legs moves up over Merlin’s own, and he groans as he massages the thick thigh. “Hamish,” Eggsy gasps, biting Merlin’s shoulder as Merlin’s hand ghosts along the crack of his arse. “Want ya so bad…wanted ya for so long.”

“I want ye, too, Eggsy…” He rolls so Eggsy’s on top of him, his body undulating over Merlin’s. Their cocks rub together, sliding through drops of precome. Merlin’s harder than he can ever remember being before, and he moans as Eggsy arches his back and moves his body in just the right way. “I need to ask, lad.” Merlin stops talking to kiss Eggsy’s chest, suck on a nipple. He bites it and Eggsy cries out, body thrusting against him even harder. 

“Anything,” Eggsy gasps. He runs a thumb along Merlin’s mouth, then pinches Merlin’s chin between that thumb and his forefinger. He brings Merlin’s face up for a kiss.

“How much…experience have ye had?” Merlin knows Eggsy’s no virgin, but he needs to know.

Eggsy blushes a bit, dipping his head down to hide his face on Merlin’s chest. “Some,” he finally answers. “It was mostly blowies and hand jobs behind a pub or somethin’. Only had actual, ya know, sex with a bloke three or four times, in a car. More with birds, of course.” He looks up at Merlin. “Dean…Dean used ta say I was always on my knees behind the pub, but I weren’t. Called me Easy Eggsy, but I wasn’t, swear down.”

“I believe ye, lad,” Merlin says soothingly, running a hand through Eggsy’s hair. Yet again he wishes he could have just five minutes with Dean Baker.

“An’ I always used protection when I actually, ya know, got fucked by someone, an’ I been tested a bunch of times. They do that free at the clinic.”

“I’ve been tested as well, although it’s been a very long time since…it’s been a while,” Merlin finishes. “I just wanted to make sure before we went any further.” Eggsy nods and kisses him again.

“Want ya, Hamish.”

Those words go straight to Merlin’s brain and swim around a bit. He growls and rolls them over again, pressing Eggsy into the bed on his back. He kisses his way down Eggsy’s chest, tongue dipping into the beautiful muscles of his abdomen. He settles between Eggsy’s legs, hands sliding up and down his thighs. “This all right?” Eggsy mutely nods, biting at his bottom lip. 

The first taste of Eggsy against his skin, the slide of his cock against his tongue…it all sends Merlin’s body into almost an intoxicated state. He can only focus on his senses…taste, touch, smell. He continues to stroke Eggsy’s legs as he works him into his mouth, tongue sliding up the underside even as his lips hold onto the tip every time he moves his head up again. One of Eggsy’s hands pets at the back of his head while the other clutches at the covers on the bed, and Merlin slowly reaches over to take that free hand. He looks up as Eggsy’s eyes flutter open to look down at him, hand clenching Merlin’s like a lifeline. “Ye are perfect,” Merlin tells him. He strokes Eggsy’s cock as he nuzzles down to kiss the inside of Eggsy’s thigh, the crease where it meets his groin, the seam of his balls.

“Hamish…oh fuck, Hamish…” Eggsy gasps, arching his back. “No one…no one ever…”

Merlin gets it. No one’s ever taken their time with Eggsy, never worshipped him the way he deserves. He slides both hands under Eggsy’s arse and lifts him up a bit. “Good…I want to be your first for something.” He takes Eggsy into his mouth again and sucks him until he’s shivering. He then moves to lap and suck at his balls until he’s whimpering. He places a tender kiss just below his balls before slowly kissing his way back up Eggsy’s chest.

Eggsy wraps himself around Merlin, legs and arms twining around him until he almost can’t breathe. He doesn’t mind. He could happily die like this. “Hamish,” Eggsy whispers. Strong hands grab at Merlin’s arse, pulling him close and rocking their bodies together. “Please.”

“Anything ye want, leannan.”

“Just want you. Get me ready, need ya inside me.” Eggsy writhes below him. “Never felt this way before, never felt like I needed it. Always just…just got off an’ it were done. But this…”

“That’s because ye never had anyone who wanted to love ye like ye deserve, lad.” Merlin shudders as Eggsy’s lips find the pulse point of his neck. He slides his hands under Eggsy to cup his arse again, one finger sliding between to gently trace over his entrance. Eggsy gasps and bites down, sucking hard on Merlin’s skin. “Jesus, Eggsy.” Merlin welcomes the pain, loves the way Eggsy’s hands dig into his body hard enough to probably leave marks.

Eggsy slowly unwraps himself from around Merlin’s body and lays motionless on the bed. His arms are thrown over his head and his hair is everywhere on the pillow. Merlin can’t take his eyes off of him as he gets up and goes to the nightstand for a condom and lube. He does look away long enough to glance at the box of condoms. “Are you checking the expiration date?” A cheeky grin crosses Eggsy’s face, and between that and his pink cheeks he looks absolutely adorable.

“As a matter of fact I am,” Merlin tells him. “We’re good, but barely. I will have to restock.”

“Told ya I was clean. Ya don’t…”

“Eggsy.” Merlin takes his hand and kisses it. “Ye have never had sex without protection. I have, and while it is incredible…we are nae in that place yet. Someday.” He kisses it again. “I will never do anything to possibly hurt ye.”

“Babe,” Eggsy says, and the word swirls around Merlin and goes right to his heart. “Don’t gotta worry about protectin’ me all the time.”

“Oh, but I do, leannan. Ye will find me quite insufferable on that front.”

Eggsy’s grin is blinding. “I suppose I could get used to it.”

Merlin sits on the edge of the bed. “How would ye like me?”

Eggsy looks surprised. “Uh, well, wanna see ya, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is okay.” Merlin takes his place between Eggsy’s legs again, making sure his fingers are well-coated with lube. As he starts to work a finger in, he kisses the inside of Eggsy’s thighs. “Let me know if it is too much.”

“I will, but…God…been a while,” Eggsy says with a choked laugh. 

Merlin continues to murmur quietly against Eggsy’s skin, occasionally licking and kissing Eggsy’s cock as it softens a bit. By the time he’s working a third finger in, however, Eggsy’s hard and throbbing, his hips arching up to meet Merlin. “Are ye ready?”

“I…yes, please…” 

Merlin kneels and reaches for the condom. He’s startled when Eggsy sits up, kisses his chest, and takes the condom from him. “Wanna do it…plus yer hands are a bit messy.” Eggsy opens the wrapper and removes the condom, brow furrowed with concentration. No one has ever done this for Merlin, and he thinks it might be the most erotic thing he’s ever experienced. Eggsy’s hands shake just a bit as he unrolls it down Merlin’s length, giving him a few strokes for good measure. “Jesus…yer fuckin’ huge.”

“I wouldn’t say huge.”

“Ain’t goin in YER arse, now, is it?” Eggsy winks at him. “Take the compliment and say thank you.”

“Thank ye.” Merlin crawls up Eggsy’s body, kissing him passionately as he gets him on his back again.

Eggsy wraps one leg around Merlin’s waist as he puts the other up at his shoulder. Merlin’s eyebrows shoot up. “Used ta do gymnastics…stretch a lot every day even though I don’t do it no more.”

“I will file that away for later.” Merlin takes himself in hand and gently pushes inside. Eggsy gasps, back arching a bit as his eyes flutter closed. “Christ, lad…ye are tight,” Merlin groans. He pulls out a bit and slowly goes back in deeper each time. By the time he’s fully seated inside, Eggsy’s fingers are digging into his biceps. “Are ye all right?”

“Yes, just…” Eggsy takes a few deep breaths. He then opens his eyes and looks at Merlin. “Ya feel incredible. So deep…”

“Aye, lad…ye do feel incredible.” 

 

Eggsy feels as if he has ceased to exist other than as an extension of Merlin’s body. Merlin presses into him, leaning on his forearms and kissing Eggsy’s forehead. He looks up into the hazel eyes and for the hundredth time wonders what he’s done to get here, to this place. He slides his hands down Merlin’s back to urge him on. He cants his hips a bit and Merlin actually slides in a bit deeper. “Oh, fuck, Hamish…”

“My Eggsy.” 

No more words are said as Merlin starts a steady rhythm that Eggsy easily catches onto. He moves his body to meet every thrust, and Merlin’s back soon becomes slippery with sweat. He buries his face in Eggsy’s shoulder, occasionally kissing and licking at the skin. He tries to pull away to thrust deeper, but Eggsy is having none of that. He keeps Merlin close, biting and sucking at his skin as his cock rubs against Merlin’s abdomen. He cradles the back of Merlin’s head, holding him in place for a hard kiss before sucking Merlin’s bottom lip into his mouth. He bites down a bit and Merlin growls, sucking Eggsy’s tongue in response. “Like a bit of pain, do you?” Eggsy pants with a grin.

“Ye dinnae want to open that Pandora’s box, lad.”

“Oh, I think I do.” He digs his fingers into Merlin’s arse and pulls him in hard.

“Oh, my naughty lad.” Merlin finally pulls away and gets to his knees. He lifts Eggsy at the waist, pulling him in hard to meet each thrust.

“Fuck…oh fuck, Hamish!” Eggsy reaches down for his cock and starts to stroke hard and fast.

“That’s my boy…let me see it…come on my cock…” Merlin begs. His eyes are wide and dark, and his hands dig into Eggsy’s hips.

“Hamish…fuck, Hamish…” Eggsy wants to close his eyes but he cannot look away from Merlin’s face. He cries out as he comes, long ropes of white streaking over his stomach. Merlin groans and pushes in deeper. He drags a thumb through the mess on Eggsy’s abdomen and brings it to his mouth. “Jesus,” Eggsy whispers, his cock twitching a bit more. “That’s…filthy.”

“Nae, lad,” Merlin grunts. He does it again, sucking Eggsy’s come from his thumb. “But this might be.” He leans down to kiss Eggsy, allowing him to taste himself on his lips. Eggsy growls and sucks hard on Merlin’s bottom lip and suddenly Merlin’s body stills. He can feel the throb of Merlin’s cock inside him as he comes and he wraps himself around Merlin, ignoring the wetness between them. “Oh, Eggsy,” Merlin sighs, kissing his cheek, his chin, his throat.

“Fuck,” Eggsy manages. He tries to regulate his breathing, slow his heart rate. He can feel Merlin’s heart pounding in his chest and he grins. He finally releases Merlin and allows him to slowly pull out and roll onto his back. Eggsy immediately wriggles close and lays his head on Merlin’s shoulder.

“All right?” Merlin finally asks, his voice raspy.

“Yeah.” He tilts his head a bit so he can look up into Merlin’s face. “Are you?”

“Mmm.”

“Glad I could end your drought,” Eggsy teases, but Merlin doesn’t smile.

“This…ye…worth waiting for.” Merlin puts a finger under Eggsy’s chin and tilts his face up for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Eggsy sings: "Ashes of Eden" by Breaking Benjamin. I highly encourage you to listen/watch it on YouTube. SUCH a good song.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very brief guest appearance from rockstar!Merlin...and a very long overdue conversation between Eggsy and Michelle.

FOURTEEN

Eggsy wakes up and stretches, wincing a bit as he feels a familiar burn in his arse. He smiles as he remembers everything about how he got that burn, and he slowly rolls over to face Merlin. But Merlin isn’t stretched out beside him. He’s sitting with his back against the headboard, sheet up to his thighs, guitar on his lap. And he’s singing. Eggsy immediately freezes, not wanting to disturb Merlin or alert him to his wakeful state. The song isn’t one Eggsy knows.

“There’s a light in you that tears me down to nothing…there’s an angel in your eyes. There’s a hope inside that you can make it better, you see right through my disguise.” Eggsy holds his breath. “When it rains it pours and everybody stumbles, I won’t let them bring you down…I won’t let you down when the seasons change, I won’t go down…I’ll fight through the pain. I’ll be there right by your side, I’ll never let them bring you down…when the seasons change…”

Merlin glances to his side and does a bit of a double-take when he sees Eggsy watching him. “Hi,” Eggsy whispers.

“Hello there.” Merlin turns pink. “I’m sorry if I wakened ye. I just…needed to get this down.”

“You’ve been writing?” Eggsy asks in surprise. He sits up and rubs at his eyes. 

“Aye. For a few days…had this in my mind and needed to work on it.”

“That’s great!” Eggsy smiles happily. “Know how much music means to ya. Glad ya found a reason to write it again.”

Merlin looks at him for a moment before putting his hands in place on the guitar once more. “When the seasons change and we’re in for colder weather…look for me on the divide…I won’t let you down when the seasons change, I won’t go down, I’ll fight through the pain. I’ll be there right by your side, I’ll never let them bring you down…I won’t let you down…when the seasons change.”

“I like it,” Eggsy says softly, honored that Merlin feels he can sing in front of him.

“I would hope so.” Merlin puts the guitar on the floor by the bed and snuggles back down. Instead of laying on the pillow, he puts his head in Eggsy’s lap. Eggsy gently strokes his smooth head. “I’m writing it for ye.”

Eggsy’s hand stops moving. “Wh-what?”

“I’m writing it for ye.” Merlin turns to look up at him.

“I…”

Merlin frowns and starts to sit up but Eggsy’s hand holds him in place. “I’m sorry. Is it too soon for something like that? It probably is. I just…ye have me feeling things, lad, and the only way I can make heads or tails of all these feelings is to write music.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy says, his voice tight and strangled. He moves his hands and Merlin sits up. “I can’t…did…are ya really writin’ that fer me?”

“Aye,” Merlin whispers.

Eggsy blinks hard, ordering the tears to stay back. “But ya…ya never wrote like, dunno, love songs.”

“Not as Merlin of Wizard’s Wand, nae. But now…” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hand and kisses it. “It seems I have a reason to write them.”

“But ya said ya loved Charlie.”

“Dinnae mention that bastard’s name,” Merlin says savagely, and Eggsy startles a bit at the anger in his voice.

“I’m…I…”

“I’m sorry, lad.” Merlin pulls him into an embrace. “I dinnae mean to yell at ye. I just…I dinnae want him here with us, in this bed. With us at all, actually. He is a horrible mistake I made years ago and I dinnae want ye to even think about him. He is nothing.” Merlin cups Eggsy’s face in his hands and kisses him. “I thought I loved him. Knowing what I feel for ye now…while I think it may be too early to call it love…what I felt for him cannae hold a candle to what I feel for ye, Eggsy.”

“I’m not sure what to say.” Eggsy leans his forehead against Merlin’s.

“Dinnae say anything.” Merlin kisses him again and soon they sink back under the sheet.

 

“I have a gift for ye,” Merlin says as they clean up the breakfast dishes.

“Thought ya gave me a gift last night.” Eggsy comes up to give him a syrupy-sweet kiss. “And this morning. Plus a song.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss.

Merlin’s never been a huge fan of syrup but he believes that has now changed. “Those were nae gifts.”

“I consider your cock in my arse a very lovely gift. Ya had ta wrap it first and everything,” Eggsy teases.

“Cheeky lad,” Merlin growls, nipping at Eggsy’s neck. He’s never felt this before, this easy camaraderie, this ability to joke and banter one minute and declare deep feelings the next. Charlie certainly wasn’t interested in joking around with him, and everyone post-Charlie was simply a fuck. He loves the way Eggsy has eased into his life and simply filled a hole Merlin never knew existed. “Start the dishes. I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, sir.” Eggsy actually salutes and Merlin rolls his eyes.

As he heads for the bedroom he shakes his head. He cannot believe he’s going to do this. He’d found the item while digging through his closet for something, and he’s shocked it even still fits. He pulls on a black vest as well along with a pair of black boots he’d forgotten he owned. He takes a deep breath, adjusts things, and heads back to the kitchen. He simply leans against a wall and watches Eggsy do dishes. He’s humming to himself, occasionally shimmying his hips as he rinses a plate. “I might change your job description. I’ve always wanted a houseboy.”

“Oh have ya now?” Eggsy says, smiling over his shoulder. Once he catches sight of Merlin he drops the plate into the sink. Water splashes everywhere but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Holy fuck,” he whispers, eyes going wide. He absently dries his hands on his jeans; he hasn’t bothered with a shirt as they’ve not gotten into the shower yet. “I…you…”

“Is there a problem?” Merlin asks innocently.

“Ya…yer wearin’…”

“Oh, this old thing?” Merlin runs a hand over the red plaid of the kilt. “I just was rummaging in the closet the other day and found a box of old clothes. Figured I’d donate it to charity.”

“The fuck…you…will.” Eggsy stumbles over. “Sweet Jesus…this…ya look like my poster!” His eyes are wide with wonder and he suddenly looks ten years younger. His hands reach out and then pull back.

“Eggsy, it’s still me…still Hamish,” Merlin says with a chuckle.

“No. No it ain’t,” Eggsy says solemnly. “Yer not Hamish right now. Yer Merlin. Fuckin’ rock god.” He actually falls to his knees and runs his hands up the back of Merlin’s legs. “Told ya yer calves are gorgeous. Christ.” He stares up at him, pink lips open as he actually seems to pant for breath.

“I’m getting the strange feeling that you’ve imagined us like this before,” Merlin says with a sly grin, thumb rubbing over Eggsy’s bottom lip.

“Might have.” Eggsy’s cheek turn pink.

“And why don’t ye tell me exactly what ye imagined?”

“Well…” Eggsy moans as his hands slide up under the fabric and he obviously realizes Merlin’s wearing it in the traditional style. His hands squeeze at Merlin’s arse. “Fuck, ya fuckin’ tease. I imagined ya layin’ down an’ me flippin’ the kilt up an’ riding yer cock…”

“That…that’s a good idea…” Merlin’s hand runs through Eggsy’s hair.

“Also imagined strokin’ ya off, not even movin’ it.” Eggsy rubs his face over Merlin’s groin as his hand moves forward. 

“Unfortunately, lad, I fear ye have gotten everything out of me that ye can today,” Merlin says regretfully. Eggsy strokes his soft cock, lifts the fabric, and gives it a tender kiss. Merlin shivers.

“That’s fine, babe. Knowin’ ya got this? Best gift ever.” He slowly stands and grins, kissing Merlin’s chin. “Gonna go wank in the shower now.” Eggsy turns and walks away, adjusting himself in his trakkies. Merlin chuckles and goes to put the kilt away for later, making sure it’s somewhere within easy reach.

 

“Hey, Mum.” Eggsy gives her a hug as soon as she’s within reach. “Ya look nice.”

“Oh, this? Marie loaned it to me.” Michelle tugs at the blouse uncertainly.

“It is a nice color on ye,” Merlin tells her, and Eggsy’s heart jumps a bit. Merlin’s been so kind regarding Michelle. Other than his comments the day before, he’s not said anything judgmental. He’s simply offered his support in any way possible.

“Hey…you flirtin’ with my mum?” Eggsy teases, trying to make his mother smile.

“And what if I am?” Merlin asks.

“She liked Galahad best, remember?” Eggsy says, poking him in the side.

“That was then. I’m here now.” Merlin actually offers Michelle his arm. “Shall we?”

She giggles and takes the offered arm, allowing him to lead her into the small café. Eggsy follows behind them, grinning at the way Merlin’s acting. He’d never thought the man on his poster would be like this. Sexy, of course, that he expected. But funny and charming and smart and oh so kind. Never in a million years.

“I hope ye can find something ye like here,” Merlin says as he pulls out Michelle’s chair. “I’ve been here a few times. It’s nice without being pretentious.”

“It looks real nice,” Michelle says. 

“Been forever since we been out fer meal, just you an’ me,” Eggsy says. He looks over at Merlin. “Meanin’ without Daisy,” he says quickly. “Glad yer here.”

“It has been forever,” she agrees. 

As they look over the menu Merlin says, “Order whatever ye like, Michelle, this lunch is on me.” She opens her mouth to protest. “I have to court Eggsy’s mother as much as I have to court him, do I not? Make sure she approves?” He gives her a wink.

“Hamish,” Eggsy groans. “Ya make me sound like I’m a bloody teenage girl.”

“Ye have your moments,” Merlin replies and Michelle laughs again.

They order their food and as soon as the waiter leaves, Eggsy reaches for his mother’s hand. “How ya doin’, Mum? An’ Daisy, she okay goin’ off ta school today?”

“She’s fine. Excited to have her Aunt Marie take her to school. And I’m good.” She sips at her water. “I suppose I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“He can’t come back, Mum,” Eggsy says firmly. “Don’t care if he gets a signed letter from the fuckin’ Archbishop of Canterbury, sayin’ what a bloody saint he is. Ya can’t take him back.”

“I know that, Eggsy,” she hisses. “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

“I don’t…” Eggsy presses a finger to his forehead. “M’sorry, Mum. Yer right. I was actin’ like a jerk. But ya ain’t never…ya had tha chance ta…”

“I am nae an expert,” Merlin begins gently, “But it seems to me the police will nae be releasing Mr. Baker anytime soon. He’s obviously a flight risk, not a mention a danger to the two of you and the lass. Perhaps you could pack up some of his things before ye move back home?” He suggests. “I would be happy to stop and get ye boxes and such if ye wanted to go to the flat and work a bit before Daisy gets home from school.”

“I think that sounds like a good idea,” Eggsy says. “Mum?”

“Yes,” she says faintly, twisting her thin wedding band.

“Spectacular,” Merlin says. He smiles at Michelle. 

“Now, Mum, know yer holdin’ back,” Eggsy says suddenly. They both stare at him. “Know ya got about five thousand questions ya wanna ask Hamish about the band. Bet he’d let ya…since he wants to make a good impression and all.” He smiles innocently.

“Of course,” Merlin says, glaring at Eggsy. There’s no heat in the glare, however, so Eggsy knows Merlin really doesn’t mind.

“Oh, well…” Michelle turns pink. “Was that really Galahad’s hair? Like, he didn’t wear extensions or a wig?”

“Nae, the bastard was blessed with a head of beautiful curly hair,” Merlin sighs. “And he’s the reason I no longer HAVE hair.”

“Really?” Michelle and Eggsy gasp as one.

Merlin looks at them in surprise. “Ye really want to know?”

“Yes,” they say again as one.

“Well then…we were in our twenties, the band just starting to tour. Not really tour…gigs at seedy pubs with only six people in attendance. We got paid next to nothing but drank for free. Drank a LOT, I’m afraid.” Merlin actually looks a bit ashamed…ashamed for living the life of a young musician when he WAS a young musician. “We were most definitely half-drunk then. At any rate, Harry decided I should stand out a bit, and figured the best thing for me to do was dye my hair.”

“Dye yer hair?” Eggsy gasps.

“Aye. It was a medium brown shade, and he decided it should be green.”

“Green?” Michelle asks, starting to laugh.

“Aye…my favorite color. I should have known better…any time I went along with one of his ideas it dinnae end well for me. I dinnae ask where he got the dye, and that was my first mistake. We’re in the tiny bog in the back of the pub, going onstage in less than an hour. He pours this…sludge…onto my head and works it into my hair. Twenty-five minutes later he rinses it out, and the sink is filled with green liquid…and my hair.”

“Harry made yer hair fall out?” Eggsy asks in shock.

“Aye. But only half of it. In large clumps. I looked as if I’d survived a nuclear bomb. He started apologizing, of course, but I was furious. I grabbed the closest razor and shaved my head just in time for us to go onstage…and I realized I liked it.”

“I like it, too,” Eggsy says softly. 

“Did you ever forgive him?” Michelle asks.

“Aye, I did. I always forgave him.” Merlin gets a faraway look on his face and Eggsy quickly changes the subject.

 

“Is there anything else ye need other than boxes and such?” Merlin asks as they exit the restaurant. 

“That should be good. Don’t gotta do it all today,” Eggsy says. “Ya got the address?”

“Aye.” Merlin pats his back pocket. “In my phone. See ye soon.” He barely hesitates before bending down to kiss Eggsy goodbye.

“See ya soon,” Eggsy says, unable to keep the blissful smile from his face. He and his mother turn and walk toward the closest Tube station.

“Ya really like him, don’t you, Eggsy?”

“Yeah, I do. Still new and all, but…yeah. He’s so much more than a face on the wall, ya know? He’s kind and smart, really funny.”

“And attractive.” Michelle gives him a hip bump.

“And attractive,” Eggsy agrees. “Ya sure yer all right with it, Mum? Me likin’ a bloke, I mean.”

“You are a grown adult, Eggsy. It ain’t my place to judge you on that. As long as you’re safe…” Eggsy blushes at this. “And happy. I don’t want…I don’t want you making the same mistakes I did.”

Eggsy waits until they’re seated on the Tube to respond. “Was my Da a mistake?” Michelle has never said much about Lee, especially after Dean came into the picture.

“Absolutely not. He was the love of my life,” she says softly. Eggsy says nothing more, simply reaches over and takes her hand.

He’s a bit nervous as he opens the door of the flat, making sure to step in ahead of Michelle. He doubts anyone would have broken in or done anything; while no one has ever liked Dean other than his mutts, no one has ever had a problem with Michelle or Eggsy, and of course the neighbors adore Daisy. “Well,” he says, relieved. “Same mess as always.”

“Cute,” Michelle says, stepping around him. “Oh, the dishes.” She wrinkles her nose as she looks at the sink. 

“What would ya rather do, Mum? Box things up or wash dishes.”

She looks at the mess in the living room. Beer bottles, full ashtrays, Dean’s shoes under the coffee table. “I…I’m not sure we should…”

“Mum,” Eggsy says firmly. “Don’t think fer one minute that yer lettin’ that rat bastard back in here.”

“You are not the boss of me, Gary Unwin,” Michelle snaps. “I am your mother.”

“Then why ain’t ya ever fuckin’ acted like it?” Eggsy yells, and realizes this is a very long overdue conversation. She crosses her arms over her chest.

“Because I didn’t get a job, or cook the foods you liked, or…”

“No, Mum! Fer fuck’s sake! Because ya never said nothin’! Ya never stepped in!” Eggsy’s eyes filled with tears. “Ran quick enough when he was threatenin’ Daisy, an’ that’s good. That’s right. She couldn’t defend herself. But what about me? Dean came into our lives when I was ten…I couldn’t defend myself then. Ya never…ya never told him ta stop. Well, ya SAID it. ‘Leave the boy alone, Dean,’ ya said, but ya never sounded like ya meant it. When he took my stuff and sold it. When he tried ta make me run his drugs. When…when he called me worthless an’ stupid an’ easy…ya never stopped him.” Tears are streaming down both their faces by this point. “Why, Mum? Why wasn’t I worth it?”

“Oh, Egg.” Michelle reaches out and pulls back. “I’m so sorry. Everything you’re sayin’…it’s true. I’m so sorry. I can’t say that enough. Thought he really loved me, ya know? Thought he loved you, too. He was so willing to accept how broken I was. He knew I wouldn’t ever love him like I loved Lee, said it didn’t matter. But then it did. He hated you because you were the symbol of what I couldn’t give him, no matter what. I know when ya look at Dean ya think he wouldn’t care about things like love, but he did. He wanted me to want HIM, and he knew he could never really have that.”

“But that weren’t my fault.”

“I know.” Michelle sobs for a moment. “I didn’t know what to do. We had so little money, I knew if he left we’d struggle. I thought it would get better, that we’d settle into a routine and he’d go back to the way he was when we were datin’. But…”

“That never happened,” Eggsy finishes. “Mum, yer smart an’ hard-workin’. We coulda made it until I got old enough ta find a job.”

“Didn’t feel smart. Especially when all I heard was how stupid I was…lazy…couldn’t do anything right. Soon I forgot what it was like to stand on my own two feet and do what needed ta be done,” she murmurs. “An’ the booze an’ shite made it easier to deal with.”

“I thought…I thought ya didn’t care about me,” Eggsy finally says out loud. “Was workin’ so hard, tryin’ so hard ta protect you, protect Dais.”

“I saw it,” Michelle says, wiping away tears that simply won’t stop. “I hated myself so much. Saw everything ya did…ya worked hard enough fer three people, an’ then ya…ya took care of Daisy.” She slumps onto the sofa and sobs into her hands. “I’m such a shite mum…shite person.”

“No. Ya ain’t.” Eggsy sits as well, putting an arm around her. 

“Why dontcha hate me?”

“Sometimes I did,” Eggsy admits. “There was nights I laid in that bed and was so fuckin’ angry. Hated everyone but Daisy. Hated Da for gettin’ killed in that accident. Hated ya fer not seein’ me an’ helpin’ me. Hated Dean, of course. Hated ya fer not doin’ somethin’ ta get us outta here. But as I got older, I realized it weren’t all yer fault, that you felt as lost as I was.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Eggsy. I didn’t know when I brought Dean into this house that…”

“Shush, Mum. No way you coulda known. I remember how he was, all sweet-talkin’ an’ nice. Brought us gifts, took us to dinner, an’ to tha park. Promised us a family, didn’t he?”

“That’s all I wanted,” she whispers. “I wanted to give you a family.”

“Well, me an’ you an’ Daisy are a family now,” he tells her. “Ya know that even if by some miracle he gets out an’ all…he ain’t gonna change. Probably be worse.”

“Yeah,” she says. “I was angry at ya that first night at Marie’s, after Daisy was in bed an’ I had time to get my mind together. Was so angry at ya for rocking the boat, going to the police. Was angry because…because you were forcing me to take responsibility and grow up for the first time in years.” She looks him in the eye, her face red and eyes swollen from crying. “But it was the right thing to do.”

“M’sorry, Mum. I was a wreck, too. Always believed ya don’t grass, and I grassed big time.” Eggsy draws a ragged breath. “Showed up on Hamish’s doorstep ramblin’ about how I grassed an’ how scared I was…how I could only see the way he was gonna hurt Daisy someday.”

“Hamish,” she says softly. “Don’t rush things with him, Eggsy. Make sure ya really know him before you commit to something serious. Trust me.”

“I know, Mum.” They lean their heads against each other for a long moment. “Ya gotta divorce him, Mum. Gotta get his parental rights taken away, get a protection order. Ya can’t let him near Daisy…or you.”

“But we don’t…” 

“No excuses,” Eggsy says firmly. “I’ll find the money.”

“But…”

“I’ll find the money,” he repeats. “Hamish is gonna be back soon an’ we ain’t got shite done. Right now we focus on one thing at a time. Ya box up his shite, an’ I’ll take care of the dishes. Put the boxes in a corner, an’ tomorrow we move back here, okay? Take a few days ta get yerself together an’ maybe…maybe ya could start lookin’ fer a part-time job.”

“I can’t do anything.”

“Sure ya can,” Eggsy says. “Yer beautiful, Mum, smart, friendly. Even if ya stand at the market an’ hand out flyers or sommat…ya can do anything.”

“How do ya still have room in yer heart for me?” Michelle whispers.

“Yer always gonna be my mother…ain’t nothin’ ever gonna change that,” Eggsy says. He stands and helps her to her feet. She immediately wraps her arms around him.

“I love you, my Egg.”

“Love you, too, Mum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Merlin "writes" for Eggsy - When the Seasons Change by Five Finger Death Punch. I urge you to go listen to it; it's not what you'd usually expect from this band, and it's so beautiful.


	15. Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

“Gonna miss ya,” Eggsy says sadly as he puts his bags by Merlin’s front door. “Only been a few days, but…I like spendin’ this time with ya.

“Aye, lad, it has been lovely…but we dinnae wish to move things too fast. We might end up growing to hate each other.”

“Doubt I could hate you.” Eggsy sighs. “Wish I could stay one more night.”

“I would never let ye go,” Merlin promises, and Eggsy smiles shyly. He’d gone back to work on Tuesday, coming back to Merlin’s flat to get his things before returning to his own home.

“Thanks, Hamish…thanks so much. Fer everything. Fer takin’ me in…fer not judgin’ my mum.”

“I have no issues with your mother, lad. None of that is my concern…my concern is your well-being now.”

“Gonna take care of me?” Eggsy asks with a cheeky grin.

“Aye, if ye will let me.” Merlin pulls him into an embrace. “But now I will let ye go.”

“All right. I’ll text ya tomorrow.”

“Call me if ye need to talk,” Merlin tells him. “Any time.”

“Don’t tell me that or I’ll keep ya on the phone all night.”

“I can’t wait.” Merlin kisses him and finally opens the door. 

“Bye,” Eggsy says with a sigh. He shoulders his bags and goes out into the hall.

“Goodbye, lad.” Merlin forces himself to close the door.

He makes himself some dinner and looks over his lesson plans for the rest of the week. He can’t help but smile when he sees Daisy’s name on his calendar for Thursday. He cleans up the kitchen, sits down on the sofa, and realizes how very empty the flat feels without Eggsy. It’s never felt this way before. Normally he would turn on the television and watch something until he’s ready to fall asleep. He ignores the remote and instead picks up his guitar.

 

“Hey, Mum, sorry I’m late.” Eggsy tries not to knock things over as he wrestles his bags through the door of their flat. 

“It’s okay, babe. We ate without you but I saved you some.” Michelle nods at the stove.

“Aces, Mum, thanks.” Eggsy kisses her cheek as well as the top of Daisy’s head. “Whatcha doin’, flower?”

“Homework,” Daisy says seriously. “I hafta color everything on this page that starts with S and H, and everything on THIS page that starts with T and H, and everything on the other pages that start with special letters.”

“Good girl.”

“And Mum said I could do it at the table!”

Eggsy smiles sadly. So often they shuffled her off to his room or the other bedroom just because Dean wanted her out of the way. “That’s great. Gonna drop this stuff in my room, then I’ll come out an’ sit with ya.”

Michelle follows him to his room. “How’s Hamish?”

“Good.” He blushes a bit. “Miss him already.”

“I bet.” She leans in the doorway and crosses her arms over her chest. “Seems to like ya a lot.”

Eggsy blushes more. He realizes this is an olive branch, a way of starting to create a more normal mother-son relationship. He never realized how much he’s been craving it. “Yeah. He…” Eggsy can barely say the words. “He’s writin’ me a song. Like he wrote it…for me.”

“Really?” Michelle’s mouth drops open. “That’s so…”

“Yeah.” Eggsy sits down on his bed and stares at the poster on his wall. “Should be all macho about it, shrug an’ act like I don’t care, but fuck, Mum…he’s writin’ a fuckin’ song for me.”

“Nothing wrong with that…he IS Merlin of Wizard’s Wand, after all.” A smile slowly crosses her face. “My boy, datin’ a rock star.”

“Mum,” he mumbles, blushing again.

They return to the kitchen and Eggsy makes himself a plate of food. He looks around the kitchen and living room. “What?” Michelle asks.

“Just…you were busy today,” he says, not wanting to offend her. “Looks…looks real nice.”

“I know what yer trying to say, Eggsy,” Michelle says with an embarrassed look on her face. “Wasn’t the best housekeeper, now, was I?”

“Change takes time, Mum,” Eggsy tells her. “Ya feelin’ all right? Know you was…know yer used ta havin’…”

“Wanted a drink today, ain’t gonna lie,” she says quietly. “But I had tea instead.”

“Water is best for you,” Daisy pipes up. “Our teacher said you should drink lots of water.”

“That’s right, flower.” Eggsy ruffles her hair. “At any rate, Mum, can tell ya worked hard today cleanin’ up an’ it looks great. I should help ya more…do dishes, laundry, somethin’.”

“Babe, ya work hard, that’s enough,” Michelle insists.

“Someone else could help, too,” Eggsy points out, gently poking Daisy with his fork. “Bet she could empty rubbish bins or sommat.”

“I can help. My teacher says I’m a real good helper.”

“I know ya are, Daisy. Thing is, we’s a family, an’ everyone has ta do their part ta keep the house nice. We’re a team, right?”

“Right!” Daisy chirps. Michelle smiles at Eggsy and ruffles HIS hair.

 

“I didn’t get to practice at Aunt Marie’s,” Daisy says mournfully as they head up the pavement to the studio. She actually drags her feet. “Maybe I shouldn’t go today.”

“Daisy!” Eggsy says in surprise. “It’s Thursday. Dontcha wanna go to yer lesson?”

“I do. I love guitar, and love Mr. McNair. But…but won’t he be mad cuz I didn’t practice?”

“Oh, flower.” Eggsy squats down to look her in the eye. “Mr. McNair knows all about what’s been goin’ on with us. He an’ I even talked about it. Yer gonna do some review today, an’ then he’ll give ya new stuff ta work on for next week. All right?”

“Okay. I don’t…don’t want to make him mad.”

“He ain’t never gonna get mad at ya like yer dad did, Daisy,” Eggsy says seriously. “I mean that. Ya gotta believe me. Mr. McNair ain’t like that.”

“Okay.”

“As long as ya work hard and don’t waste his time, he ain’t never gonna yell again,” Eggsy says with certainty.

Daisy moves a bit faster after that, almost skipping along the pavement. Eggsy wishes HE could skip as well. He’s talked to Merlin every day, of course, but he’s missed seeing him. They’ve agreed that they need to take their time with things, not spend every waking minute together. Merlin does have other students, and Eggsy needs to focus on helping his mother. But he’s not going to lie…he is practically aching to feel Merlin’s arms around him.

“Miss Baker,” Merlin says formally. Eggsy knows he’s teasing but Daisy’s face falls.

“Uh, hi, Mr. McNair,” she says almost shyly.

“Mr. Unwin,” Merlin says to Eggsy, looking him up and down.

“Evening, Mr. McNair,” Eggsy says, giving him a cheeky wink.

“And how are ye settling back in at home, lass? Everything all right?”

“Yes. I miss my cousins, but Mum says we’re gonna see them this weekend. But I didn’t get to practice,” she tells him.

“I appreciate your honesty, but I figured as much. We will go over a few things and see where you’re at,” Merlin tells her. “Go ahead, I’ll be right there.” Daisy happily trots into the practice room. Merlin turns to Eggsy and reaches for him. “Hello, my beautiful lad.”

“Hamish.” The kiss is soft and fierce and passionate all at once. “Christ, I missed ya.”

“And I missed ye as well.” Merlin actually buries his face in Eggsy’s hair and inhales.

“Are ya SNIFFIN’ me?” Eggsy asks, laughing as he pulls back to look at him.

“I might be,” Merlin says, turning an adorable shade of pink.

“Aw, babe.” Eggsy kisses the base of his throat.

“I should go start her lesson,” Merlin says, slowly pulling away.

“Hey…Mum’s takin’ Dais to my aunt’s fer dinner on Saturday…wanna take ya out on a date,” Eggsy says. “My treat.”

“Leannan, ye dinnae…”

“My treat,” Eggsy says firmly. “So shut it.”

“Your treat,” Merlin agrees. He gives Eggsy one last kiss and goes into the practice room.

 

“Ye look nice,” Merlin says as soon as he opens the door.

“Thanks.” Eggsy waits for Merlin to step aside before coming in. He was wearing trainers, jeans and a blue button-down, and was carrying a knapsack.

“And what is that?” Merlin knows exactly what it is, but figures he’ll ask.

“Gotta date with a bloke who’s fuckin’ fit. Figure if I play my cards right, he might ask me back ta his…let me spend the night.”

“I believe I know this fellow…and I think he might just let you spend the night,” Merlin agrees. Eggsy grins and stands on tiptoe to kiss him. “Am I dressed appropriately?” Merlin is also wearing jeans and a button-down, although it’s unbuttoned over a black vest.

“Look fuckin’ fit…like I said.” Eggsy kisses him again. “Heard about this place from one of the security guards on my route…said the food was good.” 

“Lead on.” Merlin grabs his keys and follows Eggsy out the door.

They grab a cab a short distance down the block, and when Eggsy reaches for his wallet, Merlin growls at him. “Told ya, my treat.”

“Your treat starts when we sit down,” Merlin tells him. Eggsy rolls his eyes. He checks his phone when they get out of the cab, and leads Merlin down the street to a decent sized pub with a blue neon sign over the door. “Priority,” Merlin reads. “Never head of it.”

“Me either but the bloke said it’s good.” Eggsy pushes the door open and they find themselves inside a clean yet dimly-lit pub. There are a few tables along the wall and they quickly grab one, as the room is already half-full.

“What can I get you, mates?” A waiter shows up at the table almost immediately. Eggsy orders a pint and Merlin follows suit. “Menus are right there…open mic starts in twenty.”

“I beg your pardon?” Merlin asks as Eggsy’s eyes light up.

“Open mic…every other Saturday. Ya sign up, sing whatever ya want as long as ya ain’t offending anyone.” The man points to a small table by the stage.

“Thank ye.” Merlin glances at Eggsy suspiciously but he’s simply bouncing a bit in his seat, looking around the room. 

The waiter returns and they both order fish and chips. “I like this place,” Eggsy decides. “Dark but not too dark. Clientele seems clean enough…don’t gotta worry about a fight breakin’ out or nothin’.”

“Ye sound as if ye have experience with that,” Merlin comments.

“Yeah.” Eggsy picks at the corner of the table. “Dean used ta drag me along fer some of his meetings…had ta sit by tha door and watch for tha filth.”

“Meetings?”

Eggsy looks around as if he’s worried someone might hear. “He didn’t get the stuff he sold all by himself, see…it trickled down ta him. Guy named Nealy ran it all. Big ugly fuck.” He shudders at the memory. “Dean sold drugs for him…stole for him, too. Didn’t take me along often…maybe three or four times. Think he did it ta keep me scared.”

“And ye were scared.”

“Fuck yeah,” Eggsy says immediately. “One time Nealy actually showed up…Dean usually dealt with his minions, if ya get me. Door opened an’ there he was…biggest bloke I ever seen.” Eggsy swallows hard and Merlin wishes he could hug him. “His blokes was the ones started the fights now an’ then. Started one that night, too. Nealy liked watchin’ people fight.”

“This Nealy…does he know ye, Eggsy?” A terrible thought occurs to Merlin.

“No. Never been introduced ta him or nothin’. For all he knew I was just some stupid kid hangin’ around a pub.”

“Good,” Merlin says with relief. “If he knew ye…it’s fairly certain that Dean and the others will sing all kinds of songs about him and everyone else…I would nae like to think he might come looking for ye.”

“Aw, babe.” Eggsy presses his foot against Merlin’s under the table.

Their food is delivered as the first person takes the stage. It’s a woman a little older than Eggsy, and she has a very pretty voice. There’s a surprisingly long list of people waiting to get onstage, and Merlin enjoys most of the music. There are a few individuals who obviously go onstage due to some sort of a dare, but most of them seem to take the music seriously.

“He was nae bad,” Merlin comments as a man returns the guitar to its stand and comes back to his table. “Not quite John Lennon, but he did a fair job.”

“You…you should go up there.” Eggsy looks terrified to suggest it, but his eyes meet Merlin’s. “Yer better than all of them.”

“Lad, I am nae singing in front of people.”

“But babe, yer good,” Eggsy insists. “Ya love the music, know ya do. Bet ya loved singin’ in front of people. Know ya miss it.”

“Not the point,” Merlin snaps. His eyes narrow. “Is this why ye brought me here, Eggsy?”

“No!” Eggsy protests. “Swear down, Hamish, had NO clue it was any kind of open mic night. Told the truth…bloke said it was a nice place ta get somethin’ ta eat.” He looks miserable. “Would never lie to ya like that.”

“I know,” Merlin says with a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“What would it hurt? Ain’t no one recognizin’ ya…just this one time. Don’t gotta sign one of yer songs or nothin’.”

“Ye are a vile influence on me, Eggsy Unwin,” Merlin growls.

“If ya do good, I’ll give ya a treat later,” Eggsy says with a wink. Merlin growls again.

“Fuck.” He stands up and goes to the list before he can change his mind. “I swear, lad, ye have bewitched me,” he grumbles as he returns to the table.

Eggsy just beams at him. “Hamish McNair.” A man calls his name fifteen minutes later and Merlin slowly stands. He walks over to the small stage, where a microphone, a stool, a guitar and a keyboard are situated. He picks up the guitar and sits down, quickly tuning it. When he looks up Eggsy is smiling at him, hands clutched in front of him on the table.

“Here we go,” Merlin murmurs. The room is over half-full, with perhaps fifty people at various tables. This is nothing. He’s played to fifty THOUSAND people…but that was with his band surrounding him. This is one song. One song, he keeps telling himself. “Saying I love you…is not the words I want to hear from you…it’s not that I want you…not to say but if you only knew…”

He starts to relax as he sings, his hands moving over the guitar almost without thought. This is a song he and Harry used to warm up with, back in the day when they were still playing pubs just like this. It’s better with harmony, but Merlin finds he doesn’t exactly miss it. He feels strangely calm, as if he’s done this on his own a thousand times. When the song is over he’s almost surprised, leaning back on the stool and removing his fingers from the strings. Eggsy jumps to his feet, clapping hard. Everyone else applauds as well, a few of them standing along with Eggsy. Merlin thanks them and starts to stand.

“Might as well sing another one, mate,” the employee says. “No one else is on the list for now.” 

Merlin glances at Eggsy, whose eyebrows go up into his hair. “All right.” Merlin looks down at his hands for a moment, smiling and shaking his head at the song that pops into his brain. He’d written this on the second anniversary of Charlie leaving him, when he was still trying to find a way to fill the hole in his heart. Now it’s bittersweet, because he’s found someone better, someone so amazing that Merlin can almost forget Charlie Hesketh ever existed. “Now that it’s all said and done…I can’t believe you were the one to build me up and tear me down…like an old abandoned house…what you said when you left…just left me cold and out of breath, I felt as if I was in way too deep…guess I let you get the best of me…”

 

Eggsy is so proud he thinks he might burst. Merlin starts with a very simple song, a song he knows…a song his mother would sing when she rocked baby Daisy. He knows Merlin is anxious, but no one sitting there would ever know it. When Merlin finishes it he looks around the room bashfully and Eggsy is pulled to his feet. He wishes he could run to Merlin and kiss him. When the man asks Merlin to do a second song, Eggsy almost falls back into his chair. He doesn’t know this song, but he can tell from the look on Merlin’s face that it’s an original piece…and that it’s about Charlie. That’s fine. He wrote a song for Charlie AFTER they broke up. He’s written one for Eggsy at the very beginning of their relationship.

Merlin returns to the table amid thunderous applause. “Babe, ya were fuckin’ amazin’. Holy fuck!” Eggsy says, leaning across the table and kissing him. He doesn’t care who sees it. “Ya just…Christ.”

“Don’t hold back, lad,” Merlin says with a grin, blushing as he finishes his pint. 

“We gotta go home now,” Eggsy decides. He wants to get Merlin naked and do all sorts of delicious things to him.

“Someone seems to be a little turned on?”

“Someone was hot as fuck on that stage,” Eggsy retorts and Merlin snickers.

He pays the bill and they head for the door. A man stops Merlin with a hand on his arm. “Excuse me. My name is Jackson…I own this pub.”

“Nice place,” Eggsy tells him. “Food was real good.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Listen…you were really good up there,” Jackson says to Merlin. “You’ve been onstage before…I can tell.”

“Ye can say that,” Merlin says slowly, but it’s obvious the man doesn’t recognize him. 

“Would you be interested in singing here on Sunday nights? I need someone for three hours with a few breaks, and I think people would really like you.”

“Ye want to hire me to sing?” Merlin almost gasps. Eggsy’s mouth falls open.

“You have something…the way you sang, the way you played.” Jackson hands over his card. “Here’s my card. Think about it and let me know?”

“I’ll think about it,” Merlin says. “Thank ye.”

“Have a nice night.” Jackson shakes his hand and goes back to the pub.

“Bloody hell,” Eggsy gasps as they leave the pub and Merlin whistles for a cab. “Told ya you was amazin’, bruv.”

“It’s just a pub, Eggsy,” Merlin says, but he seems to be deep in thought. Eggsy says nothing more, simply holds his hand until they arrive at the flat.

Once they’re inside Merlin puts the business card on the refrigerator. Eggsy leans against the front door and smiles at him. “So…”

“So…” Merlin echoes, giving him an odd look.

“Promised ya a treat, didn’t I?” Eggsy saunters toward him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and letting it drop to the floor.

“That ye did.” Merlin’s eyes wander over his bare chest.

“How about ya get naked, sit up in yer bed, an’ I ride ya til ya come?” Eggsy asks almost innocently.

“I’ll get the lube and condom while ye get naked.” Merlin practically runs to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "More than Words" - Extreme
> 
> "Over You" - Chris Daughtry


	16. Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

“You’ve GOT to be joking.” Merlin stares at the flyers plastered to the windows at the front of the pub.

“Now playing Sunday evenings, guitarist and vocalist Hamish McNair. I like it. Looks classy.” Eggsy stands on tiptoe and kisses his cheek. “Would be better with yer picture on it.” He thinks for a moment. “Actually, never mind, don’t want yer picture on it. Don’t need people walkin’ by an’ seein’ how fit ya are.” Eggsy blinks. “Christ…I may hafta fight off some groupies!”

“I think ye are rushing things a bit, lad,” Merlin says, but he blushes. “Although I do like the thought of ye being so possessive of me.”

“If even one pair of knickers goes flyin’ on the stage, I will not be held responsible fer my actions,” Eggsy replies and Merlin laughs.

They enter the pub and head for the tiny room he’s been given to store his things and prepare. He swallows hard as he puts his guitar case on a table. “This is a bad idea. No one wants to hear me sing.”

“I do,” Eggsy says. He puts his arms around Merlin and kisses him. “Ain’t that enough?”

“Ye are always enough, my Eggsy. But…it’s been years since I’ve been on stage, and I’ve never done it alone. I’m not sure I’m ready for all this. I’m not this person anymore. I’m a music teacher.”

“Babe.” Eggsy tugs Merlin down to the rickety sofa in the corner. “This ain’t Merlin goin’ on stage, remember? This is Hamish McNair. That’s who this Jackson bloke heard at open mic night, and it’s who he’s payin’ ta sing. Yer bloody brilliant, an’ I think yer gonna be great.” He gives him a long kiss.

“Talk about a pep talk,” Merlin murmurs.

“Want my bloke ta do his best,” Eggsy says against his neck.

“I’ll do this on one condition.”

“Hmm?”

“Ye will sing with me.”

Eggsy yanks his head back. “Are ya takin’ tha piss, babe?”

“Nae…ye will do one song. ‘More Than Words’ is better with harmony, and I know ye know the lyrics.”

“Babe, no. I ain’t no singer.”

“I beg to differ, my lad. Ye have a gorgeous voice…and I think I should know.”

“Hamish, I don’t belong on a stage.”

“Nae, ye belong on a pedestal,” Merlin says and Eggsy blushes. 

“Hamish, I can’t…”

“Eggsy, ye sing some of Harry’s songs better than he ever did,” Merlin confides, and Eggsy’s eyes widen. “Please…it will make me feel a little better with ye sitting beside me.”

“Fine,” Eggsy grumbles. “But I’m sittin’ like behind ya…not right next to ya. This is YER performance, not mine.”

“All right.”

“And ya owe me dinner out this week.”

“All right.”

“An’ tonight when we get home I want the best blowie in the history of oral sex.”

“Done.” Merlin stands up. “I’ll go tell the tech we need a second microphone.”

“Bloody hell,” Eggsy mutters as Merlin leaves the room.

 

Eggsy bites a thumbnail and paces as Merlin and the tech get the microphones ready. He can’t believe he’s agreed to this. Singing in public? That’s Merlin’s domain, not his. But he’s quite surprised at how nervous Merlin is. He figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to just sit down with a guitar and sing. He’d done it for years before thousands of people. Then again, he’d been one of four, never alone onstage. He was the bassist, which meant he never carried the melody. He sang harmony to Harry’s lead, meaning he was never the focus of the lyrics. This was a big deal. And Eggsy has realized over the past few weeks that he would do anything to make Hamish happy. Anything.

People start to trickle in, and Eggsy’s pleased to see them looking at the stage with interest. At least Merlin won’t be singing to a room full of bored people. “Eggsy, was it?”

Eggsy turns to see the owner. “Yes, Jackson, how are ya?” He shakes Jackson’s hand.

“You’ll be singing with him tonight?”

“Just one song,” Eggsy says quickly. “He’s feelin’ a little nervous, asked me ta get up there with him.”

“Well, our regulars are quite excited to have music tonight,” Jackson says. “We get a decent crowd for a Sunday night, and I think he’ll go over well.”

“Great,” Eggsy says. “Thanks again fer askin’ him. He used…he used ta sing a lot but hasn’t in a long time.”

“He has something special. You can tell he knows what he’s doing with a guitar and a microphone.” Jackson claps him on the back and moves on to speak with Merlin.

Before he knows it Merlin is pulling two stools into place and hopping off the small stage. “Are ye ready, lad?”

“No,” Eggsy says faintly, turning to look around the room.

“Ye will nae be singing for them,” Merlin says, touching his cheek. “Ye will be singing for me. All right?”

Eggsy nods. “For you.”

He follows Merlin onto the stage and takes his place on the second stool. “Evening, ladies and gentlemen,” Merlin says. “My name is Hamish McNair, and Jackson has kindly allowed me to sing and play for ye a wee bit. This is my boyfriend, Eggsy Unwin…he’s helping me out with the first song. He’s a little shy, though, so please give him a warm welcome.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy mutters bashfully as the people applaud.

“Here we go then.” Merlin starts playing and then singing. Eggsy taps his foot in time with the music and gets ready to join in.

“More than words…is all you have to do to make it real…then you wouldn’t have to say…that you love me…cause I’d already know…” 

Eggsy’s shocked at how easily their voices blend together. He’s singing almost without thinking, his eyes on Merlin instead of the audience. It’s obvious how much he loves this, how much he’s missed it. Eggsy’s so proud he can barely stand it.

 

The night passes in a blur and before he knows it Merlin is packing up his guitar. People keep coming up and thanking him for singing, and a few even compliment Eggsy as well. He frowns as he sees Eggsy grab a few of the flyers. “What are ye doing, lad?”

“Call me a sentimental fool, but I want proof I knew ya when.” Eggsy winks and puts the flyers in his pocket. “Ya might even be a star someday.”

“Imagine that.” Merlin leans in and kisses him. “Will ye be my number one groupie, then?”

“Fuck yeah…be beatin’ those twinks off with a stick,” Eggsy growls and Merlin laughs.

“Come along, lad. It’s late and we both work tomorrow.” Merlin waves at Jackson and leads Eggsy out the door.

Eggsy chatters about the performance the entire ride home, telling Merlin all about the patrons and their positive comments on Merlin’s singing. “They loved ya, bruv. Knew they would. Ye were so fuckin’ perfect.” He leans across the backseat and kisses Merlin. “So fuckin’ proud of ya.”

“I heard some nice things about my singing partner,” Merlin points out, just to see Eggsy blush.

“Was all right. Did what I could.”

“Ye are brilliant and beautiful and lovely.” Merlin kisses him so hard he leaves Eggsy breathless.

“I’ll sing any time ya want,” he whispers and Merlin laughs. 

Merlin pays for the cab and leads Eggsy upstairs. Eggsy leans against the wall and yawns as Merlin unlocks the door. “Tired?”

“A bit,” Eggsy admits.

“Could I keep ye from your bed a moment longer?” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hand and leads him to the sofa.

“Sure…everything all right?”

“I think so.” Merlin slowly kneels before Eggsy, spreading his legs a bit so he can get between them. “I believe I owe you a little something.”

“Oh.” The word is exhaled from Eggsy’s pink lips as he leans back against the cushions of the sofa. He grabs a pillow and tosses it down to the ground. “For your knees.”

“I should be insulted at the suggestion my knees are old…but I will take it with thanks.” Merlin kneels on the pillow and winks at him. His hands slowly slide up Eggsy’s thighs to the button and zip of his jeans. He slowly undoes them and Eggsy lifts his hips, allowing Merlin to tug his pants and jeans down almost to his knees. “Ye are gorgeous, my Eggsy.” Eggsy’s cock is only half-hard but it doesn’t take long for him to grow fully erect under the weight of Merlin’s gaze.

“Hamish…oh fuck, Hamish…” Eggsy gasps as Merlin starts to stroke him. “God…”

“I love the sounds ye make.” Merlin kisses his way up the inside of Eggsy’s legs, tongue flicking briefly at his balls before sliding up his cock. 

“Hamish!” Eggsy bites at his knuckles to muffle his shout. His hips cant up as Merlin takes him all the way in. “Hamish…fuck ya feel so good…”

Merlin simply hums, taking Eggsy in deeper with each bob of his head. He feels the palm of Eggsy’s hand rubbing over the back of his head and he smiles. As he moves up to just suckle the head his eyes meet Eggsy’s. He keeps that connection as his tongue whorls around the had and then flicks over the slit. Eggsy whimpers and presses against the back of his head. Merlin obediently takes him all the way in again and it isn’t long until he feels Eggsy’s entire body tense. He hums again and Eggsy comes, splashing deep into his throat. Merlin takes it all, pressing gentle kisses to Eggsy’s cock before pulling away and resting his cheek on Eggsy’s leg. “I think I am falling in love with ye, lad,” he whispers against Eggsy’s skin.

“Wot?” Eggsy asks, voice hoarse from shouting.

“Nothing.” Merlin kisses his leg. “Let’s get ye into bed, lad.”

Eggsy allows Merlin to help him up, pulling his pants and jeans back to his waist. “But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, Eggsy. Pleasuring ye was enough.” He kisses Eggsy’s forehead and leads him to bed.

 

Eggsy stands for a long moment staring up the skyscraper in front of him. The building is familiar; he enters it two or three times a week. Although so many business dealings are done through the internet and email, he still is required to deliver paper documents on a daily basis. This particular piece of correspondence, however, is quite personal. He looks at the envelope in his hand, a name printed in neat block letters. He takes a few deep breaths and pushes the door open. 

“Eggsy, good morning! How’s that sister of yours?” The security guard asks as he approaches.

“Good, Edward, thanks. Hey…I have a ‘for his eyes only’ letter fer the boss. Buzz me up?”

“Of course. Just sign in.” Edward motions to the book.

Eggsy scribbles his name in the book and heads for the bank of lifts. He makes his way to the top floor and stops by the secretary’s desk. “Morning, miss.”

“Morning.” The secretary looks him over.

“I got a special letter for Mr. Hart…his eyes only?”

“His eyes only?” The secretary studies the envelope.

“Yes. If you’d be so kind…it’ll be my job if it don’t get on his desk unopened.”

“Of course,” she says, standing up.

“Thanks.” Eggsy draws a shuddering breath as he turns and walks away.


	17. Chapter 17

“Ye are doing very well, lass,” Merlin says as he leads Daisy from the rehearsal room. “That was a difficult piece, and you’ve learned it much quicker than I expected.”

“I practice it every night,” she tells him. “I like that it’s hard. It makes it more fun than something easy.”

“Aye, Daisy…ye will learn that applies to many things in life.” Merlin smiles at Eggsy. “Isn’t that right, Eggsy?”

“Absolutely.” He shares a look with Merlin. “Hey, flower, let’s sit down for a mo before we go home.” He pulls a chair out for her and sits beside her. Merlin sits on her other side. “I have something to tell you.”

“Okay.” She swings her legs and looks up expectantly. 

“You know how grown-ups like go on dates and everything?” She nods. “Boys and girls go on dates, but sometimes girls and girls go on dates, and boys and boys go on dates. And after they date for a while, sometimes they get married.”

“Are you getting married?” Daisy asks hopefully. “Because I really want to be the person that drops the flowers down the thing where you walk. Can I be that person?”

“I’m NOT getting married, not yet…but yes. You can be the flower girl.” Eggsy clears his throat and Merlin tries very hard not to smile. “Yer not helping,” Eggsy snaps and Merlin finally gives in and grins.

“This was your idea.”

“I know. I’m an idiot.” He takes a deep breath. “Anyway, so, yeah, they get married. Men and women, and women and women, and men and men.”

“Elton at school, he has two mummies,” Daisy informs them. “One is really nice, but one is kinda mean. But his nice mum makes really good biscuits.”

“Well, there ya go. Ya know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t know if I do,” she says. “I knew all this already, Eggsy.”

“Right.” Eggsy looks completely helpless and Merlin has to bite back laughter. “Look, flower, I just wanted ta tell ya that I…I want to date boys. Men. I’ve dated girls, but I prefer men.”

“Okay.” She looks bored.

“I’m actually datin’ someone now. Someone ya know…and I wanna make sure yer okay with it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I know. Yer the best. But…”

Merlin takes pity on him. “What your brother is trying to tell you, lass, is that he’s dating me. I am his boyfriend and have been for quite some time now.”

Daisy’s mouth drops open. “You?” They nod. “You’re boyfriends?” They nod again. “Oh. Are you getting married?”

“Nae…I’m not saying never, but not now,” Merlin tells her.

“Can I have my own room?”

They look at each other in confusion. “Yer own room?” Eggsy asks slowly.

“Yeah. When you have a flat together. That’s what happens, right? It’s what happens on Mum’s shows on the telly. They date, and then they kiss, and then they roll around on a bed, and then someone moves in. And I want to come have sleepovers with you and have my own room.”

Eggsy bites his bottom lip and stares at the ceiling. Merlin has to look away, knowing he will start laughing shortly and that will probably embarrass Daisy. “Lass, I promise ye if that time comes for us, ye will definitely have your own room.”

“Good. Can we go now? I want to practice this new song.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says faintly. They all stand and Eggsy looks at Merlin. “Well…that was…”

“Easy.” Merlin leans in and kisses him. “Ye were stressed over nothing.”

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Eww, kissing.” Daisy wrinkles her nose. “That’s gross.”

“You just keep thinking that way, Daisy, til yer at least thirty.” Eggsy kisses Merlin once more. “Talk to ya later?”

“Aye. Have a good evening.” 

“I will, after I talk ta Mum about just what she’s watching on the telly.” Eggsy shakes his head as he leads Daisy out of the shop.

 

Eggsy gets two calls from an unknown number while he’s working the next day and finally has time to check the voicemails while shoving lo mein into his mouth over lunch. He frowns and almost drops his chopsticks as he listens. He slowly finishes his lunch, tosses his garbage, and dials the number.

“DI Knowles.”

“Detective…I mean Inspector, um, Detective Inspector Knowles, this is Eggsy Unwin. Sorry I couldn’t take yer calls, was workin’.”

“That’s fine, Mr. Unwin, I understand. I just needed to speak with you about setting up a time for you to sit down with one of the crown prosecutors.”

“Oh.” Eggsy scuffs his shoe along the pavement. “Yeah, guess…guess I need ta do that, huh.”

“Mr. Unwin, do you feel unsafe? We can do something…send someone to watch your flat…”

“Nah, it’s fine. Dean an’ his blokes weren’t well-liked in our neighborhood…he ain’t got no one else ta go after me. An’ I got somewhere safe ta go if that would change.”

“Good. Is tomorrow a problem?”

Eggsy thinks. The next day is Wednesday, and he normally isn’t too busy. “Lemme speak to my supervisor today, but I think it should be all right.”

“We can fit you in very first thing, at eight. It should take an hour, ninety minutes at the most, and then you can get to work.”

“He’ll like that…then I don’t gotta take the whole day. If it’s a problem can I call you at this number an’ leave a message?”

“Of course.”

“All right. Thanks.” Eggsy hangs up with a frown and slowly walks to his next location.

 

Merlin throws the door open as soon as Eggsy knocks. “Are ye all right?” He pulls Eggsy into a hug. “Your text concerned me.” Merlin frowns into Eggsy’s hair. The message had simply said he needed to come over and he was on his way. 

“Sorry.” Eggsy sighs and leans into Merlin’s embrace.

“Have ye eaten?”

“Yeah. Sorry about just invitin’ myself over.”

“Eggsy Unwin, dinnae ever say anything like that again. Ye are always welcome here,” Merlin says sternly. “Come sit down.” Merlin leads Eggsy to the sofa. He sits down next to him, planning on taking Eggsy’s hand in his. Instead Eggsy cuddles close and Merlin puts his arm around him. “What’s going on?”

“Got a call from the police today…they want me ta talk to their prosecutor about Dean.”

“Already?”

“Yes.” Eggsy sighs and cuddles closer. Merlin says nothing, simply holds him tight and occasionally kisses his head. “Know it was the right thing ta do, ya know…turnin’ him in. Especially after what he did ta Daisy. But…I just…grew up knowin’ ya don’t grass people. But he’s not people, is he? He’s a fuckin’ monster.”

“That he is, lad, and ye did the right thing. Not only for ye and your family, but for all the other families his activities affected.”

“Yeah, never thought of that.”

“Do ye wish me to come along when ye speak with the prosecutor?”

Eggsy turns to look at him. “You’d do that?”

“Of course I would,” Merlin says immediately. “I will do whatever ye need.”

“Fuck, I love you,” Eggsy blurts out. He claps a hand over his mouth. “I…I mean…I’m sorry.”

“Dinnae apologize, lad, unless ye dinnae mean it.” Something swirls through Merlin’s abdomen and lands in his heart.

“I…did. I do. I love you. Realized it a little while ago. Know it’s sorta sudden, we ain’t been datin’ all that long, but yeah. I do. You wantin’ ta do somethin’ like this for me? Yer just…yer fuckin’ amazin’, Hamish.”

“Oh, my Eggsy.” Merlin touches his cheek. “I love ye as well.” Eggsy’s eyes widen. “I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now, but was afraid to tell ye, dinnae want to scare ye away.” Eggsy slides to straddle his lap and Merlin gently kisses him. “I love ye.”

“I love you, too.” They kiss for a long time, gentle sweet kisses that do nothing but express their feelings for one another. Soon Eggsy moves in close with his head buried in Merlin’s neck. “I don’t need ya there tomorrow, but thank ya fer offerin’.”

“Anything for ye, Eggsy,” Merlin says, and realizes his means it. He’s been alone for so long, happy in his hermit lifestyle…or so he thought. Since Eggsy’s come into his life, however, he’s realized that he’d barely been living at all. “If ye need me tomorrow, ye can call anytime. Even if I’m in a lesson, I’ll take it.”

“Okay. I just…I need ta do this on my own, ya know? Still not used ta anyone havin’ my back.”

“I understand.” 

“Are ye sure ye are nae hungry?”

“I ate at home.”

“I made pizza.”

“Yer homemade pizza?”

“Aye.”

“I’m starvin’.” Eggsy slides off his lap and stands up, reaching for Merlin’s hand. “Feed me, old man.”

 

The next morning Merlin awakens a good thirty minutes before the alarm is set to go off. He leans himself up on an elbow and just looks at the young man next to him. Young, beautiful, intelligent, brave, caring. He’s not sure what he’s done in his life to earn such riches, but he’s willing to thank any God out there for the privilege. His eyes wander over the soft hair, the strong jaw, the pink lips. The tender throat, the gorgeous chest. He leans in and kisses Eggsy on the mouth. “I love you,” he whispers.

“Mmm.” That mouth moves into a sleepy smile. “Me too.”

“You love you?”

“Grrr.” Eggsy slowly rolls over to plaster himself along Merlin’s body. “No. Love you.” He throws a leg over Merlin and places his head on his chest.

“You should love ye as well,” Merlin says. “Ye are pretty fantastic.”

“Says you.”

“Says me and only me, I would hope.”

Eggsy stretches and sits up enough to put his chin on Merlin’s chest and look into his eyes. “Ain’t no one else’s opinion I care about. You an’ only you.”

Merlin takes Eggsy by the arms and brings him up so he can kiss him. “Me and only me.”

“You and only you,” Eggsy says, kissing him. 

They finally pull themselves out of bed and start getting ready. They’ve already learned that if they have a place to be they cannot shower together, as wandering hands and mouths make the shower take twice as long as it should. Eggsy goes into the shower while Merlin throws together some breakfast, since Eggsy actually has to be somewhere fairly soon.

Merlin walks him to the door. “Remember what I said. If ye need me…”

“I know. I’ll call.” Eggsy stands on tiptoe to kiss him. “Love you an’ only you.”

“Are we going to have a catchphrase now? Like ‘call my by your name and I’ll call you by mine,’ or ‘maybe okay will be our always?’”

Eggsy stares at him. “That is a ridiculous amount of romantic movie knowledge, bruv.”

“Prove it.” Merlin smiles and kisses him. 

“Next date night I’m gettin’ ya ta show me yer favorite romantic movie,” Eggsy says.

“Go, brat!” Merlin shoves him out the door and closes it.

“I’m partial ta ‘Love, Actually,’ if ya wanna know!” Eggsy calls through the door.

 

Eggsy smooths down his jumper as he waits for DI Knowles. He’s decided to dress nice, even though he’s not going anywhere but into a conference room at the police station. At least he can look respectable, even if he comes from the Estates. He wants them to believe his story. He knows Dean will find the oiliest, most disgusting cheap solicitor he can, and that man or woman will do anything to discredit Eggsy’s account of their lives with Dean. 

“Mr. Unwin…so sorry to keep you waiting.” DI Knowles comes out and shakes his hand. “There’s been…just come along, please.” 

The man leads him to tiny room not far from the lobby. “Is…I got the time right, didn’t I?”

“Yes, of course.” DI Knowles closes the door. “We won’t need your testimony.”

“I don’t…I don’t even gotta tell ya what happened?”

“No.”

“But…” Fury rushes through Eggsy’s body. “He convinced ya, didn’t he? He got ya ta believe him an’ not me, right? Lemme guess…told ya I was just some cocksucker who spends all his time on his knees, an’ there ain’t no way I coulda seen tha things I seen. Probably said I ran inta stuff, that he ain’t never hit me, right?”

“Mr. Unwin, please calm down.” The man’s face is completely unreadable. “I assure you that is NOT what happened.”

“Sorry,” Eggsy mutters. The whole idea of being in a tiny room with a detective inspector at a police station has him on edge. 

“We no longer need your testimony because Mr. Baker is dead.”

Eggsy grips the back of a chair. “Wot?”

“He’s dead.”

“But I talked to ya just yesterday!”

“Yes. He…let’s just say he met an unfortunate end in the corridor outside his cell last night.”

“Nealy,” Eggsy whispers, and the man stares at him. “One of his cronies, right? He sent them in ta Dean so he won’t talk…an’ that will scare his mutts enough that they don’t say nothin’ either.”

“I really wouldn’t know, Mr. Unwin,” DI Knowles says, and Eggsy knows it’s what he’s thinking. “I do have a few things for you to read over and sign, however.”

“All right,” Eggsy says faintly, sitting down.

 

“You did very well, Gregory,” Merlin says to the man as they exit the rehearsal room. “I do think ye need to work a bit on the second piece…the fingering is quite difficult.”

“I will, Mr. McNair. Have a good week.”

“Ye as well.” Merlin goes to the wall and takes down a guitar as his student leaves. He has three hours before his next lesson and he needs to restring. He’s shocked when his door opens and Eggsy walks in. He’s even more shocked by the look on his boyfriend’s face. “Lad?”

“Hey, Hamish. Do…do ya mind if I sit here a bit? Called out from work.”

Something in Eggsy’s voice tells Merlin not to ask. Instead he says, “Of course, Eggsy. Any time spent with ye is a pleasure…as long as ye dinnae mind me working while ye visit.”

“Course.” Eggsy sits at the piano and begins to pick out a simple tune. Merlin goes to his workbench and gets out a length of guitar wire. Eggsy stops playing and Merlin waits. “Dean’s dead.”

“What?” Merlin gasps. He puts down the guitar and goes to sit next to Eggsy on the bench. Eggsy hunches into himself and Merlin doesn’t touch him. “What happened?”

“Didn’t say, but I’m thinkin’ Nealy’s blokes go to him…made sure he don’t grass them.”

“I’m not sure what to say,” Merlin says honestly.

Eggsy turns to look at him and his eyes are sad. “I killed him. Good as, anyway. If it weren’t fer me, he wouldn’t have been in there.”

“Eggsy, no. Ye cannae take this on yourself,” Merlin says firmly. “It is nae your fault. He was a bad man, a bad person. Sooner or later he would have angered the wrong person, ye have to see that. I never met the man, but from what ye told me, he was not destined to die in his old age. And this is nae your fault. Do ye understand me?” He cups Eggsy’s face in his hands, draws his thumbs over the soft skin. Eggsy nods. “Not your fault,” Merlin repeats, gently kissing him.

“Still feel guilty,” Eggsy whispers. “Know I shouldn’t…world’s fuckin’ better off without him.”

“Aye, but ye are a generous soul. Ye are not sorry he’s gone, I know that deep down.”

Eggsy sighs. “I need ta tell mum. They’ll tell her anyway, I mean, they was legally married. DI Knowles said he was gonna call her but I asked…I asked if he could just give me a bit of time first…break it to her.”

“Let me make a call.” Merlin gets up and goes for his phone.

“What are ya doin’?”

“Cancelling my next appointment. I’m going with ye to see your mother.” Merlin stops. “That is, if ye want me to,” he adds, realizing that perhaps Eggsy would prefer this to be a private moment.

“I do,” Eggsy says, looking relieved. “That’d be aces.”

“All right, my lad.” He comes back over and kisses Eggsy’s forehead. “Just give me a moment.” He stands with his arm around Eggsy while he makes the call.


	18. Chapter 18

EIGHTEEN

“Well, this is a surprise!” Michelle says as Eggsy and Merlin enter the flat. “Thought you was workin’, babe! And Hamish!”

“Hello, Michelle.” Merlin smiles at her. “Nice to see you again.”

“I need ta talk to ya, Mum,” Eggsy says, sitting down with her at the kitchen table. 

“All right. Was just checking the job ads.” She folds up the newspaper. “Let me make tea.”

“I have it, Michelle.” Merlin easily maneuvers around the tiny kitchen, putting the kettle on and preparing three mugs.

“How’d it go at the station?” Michelle asks Eggsy.

Eggsy takes a deep breath and glances at Merlin, who gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Well, talked to the DI. Don’t gotta give my deposition or nothin’.”

“Why?” Michelle looks concerned.

“It’s…Dean’s dead, Mum,” Eggsy says quietly. 

“What?” Michelle whispers.

Eggsy waits until Merlin’s finished with the tea and sitting at the table. “He…he was killed last night. They won’t tell me how, or nothin’, but I’m thinkin’ it was probably that Nealy.”

“So…he’s dead?”

“Yeah.”

Michelle says nothing, just stirs her tea. Eggsy reaches over and takes her hand, but she pulls it away. “Ya hated him.”

Eggsy blinks at her. “Well, yeah, Mum, I did. He treated us like shit, both of us. Didn’t love us, didn’t care about us. Didn’t care about Daisy neither, his own flesh an’ blood. Course I fuckin’ hated him.” Merlin puts a hand on Eggsy’s leg under the table and he draws a shuddering breath. “An’ to be honest, I wished him dead more than once.”

“He was nice, once upon a time,” Michelle says faintly, still looking down at her tea. “Told me I was pretty, bought me presents.”

“Yeah, I remember that. Ya ARE pretty. Yer beautiful. An’ ya deserved those presents. Course ya thought he was someone who was gonna treat us nice. But it didn’t end up that way.”

“I loved him at the beginning,” she says almost wistfully. “He said he loved me…said I made him look good.”

“That’s a fuckin’ understatement,” Eggsy snorts. Merlin squeezes his leg.

“Said I made every bloke in the neighborhood jealous, cuz I was with him and not them.” A single tear slides down Michelle’s cheek. Eggsy frowns but Merlin doesn’t say anything. Eggsy’s young…he still sees things through a young man’s eyes. Merlin understands completely what Michelle is going through. She can still look at Dean and see the man she married, the man who promised to love her and care for her son as if he was his own. She can look at their marriage and wonder where she went wrong, where she failed. Was she so blind that she couldn’t see the monster back at the very beginning? Merlin understands because he’d gone through the same thing with Charlie. He wondered how he could be so blind to Charlie’s selfish greedy ways. He wondered how he could have been so stupid to allow Charlie’s tight arse and perfect mouth get in the way of his own logic and intelligence.

“I just wanted ya ta know, Mum. Police are gonna call ya soon, give ya the details, but I wanted to tell ya.”

“I appreciate that, Egg.” Michelle tries to smile. “Ya stayin’ with Hamish again tonight?”

“Well, I figured ya might…”

“I’d rather be alone, thanks. Me and Daisy will have a girl’s night. Maybe order in some pizza, do our nails.”

“Oh. That sounds nice.” Eggsy looks hurt. “I’ll, uh, go pack a bag.” He gets up and leaves the table, his tea untouched in its mug.

“He does nae understand,” Merlin says quietly, the first time he’s spoken since he sat down. “He has nae been through a failed romance…does nae know how your mind works, how ye try and try to figure out where it went wrong, how ye allowed it to happen.” He gives her a sympathetic smile. 

“I suppose you’re right.” She sighs.

“And if I have anything to do with it, he will never know what a failed romance feels like,” Merlin tells her, and she manages a smile.

 

Eggsy spends the rest of the day in Merlin’s flat while he has the rest of his lessons. He curls up on the sofa and watches telly, wrapped in one of Merlin’s jumpers. He occasionally brings the fabric up to his face and inhales it, smiling when he realizes that Merlin’s scent means security to him now. Safety.

He dozes off on the sofa and only wakens when Merlin comes through the door around seven. 

“Babe,” he says, yawning and stretching. “M’sorry! Was gonna have dinner ready fer ya. Been so lazy today.”

“I think ye of all people are allowed a lazy day.” Merlin kisses him upside down from behind the sofa. “That’s fine. Why don’t we order in? I’ve been craving Thai.”

“Mmm…aces. But I’ll take another one of those kisses, if ya have extra.” Eggsy smiles up at him.

“Always.” Merlin kisses him again. “I have a few songs I’ve been working through. If I could, I’d like to share them with ye, see what ye think.”

Eggsy blushes. “Really?”

“Why is that such a shock?”

“Merlin wants ta play his songs fer me. That’s…it’s still a bit crazy ta me sometimes.”

“I’m nae Merlin any longer, lad. I’m only…”

“Yer only Hamish. Yeah. Whatever.” Eggsy rolls his eyes. 

“Brat. Grab the menu and pick something…I just want to change and wash up.” Merlin tousles his hair and heads for the bedroom.

Merlin comes back out in a vest and jeans and Eggsy sighs. He still doesn’t quite know how he’s gotten so lucky. Caring, loving, handsome, talented…perfection in one tall Scottish package. He sighs a bit and Merlin looks at him quizzically. “Nothin’. Just admirin’ ya.” 

“I charge for that,” Merlin says as he picks up the menu. “Now…what would ye like?”

They call in the order and go back to the sofa, Merlin with his guitar on his lap. He pulls some sheet music out of a drawer in the coffee table. “Christ, you’ve been busy.” Eggsy flips through the pages.

“Some of it isn’t original,” Merlin admits. “Some are songs that I’ve done a bit of work with, to make them sound better with one voice and the guitar.”

“Anything you do will sound amazin’, babe,” Eggsy says, leaning his head against the back of the sofa.

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” Merlin leans over and kisses him. “Now…this is one of the new ones…”

Merlin sings and plays for Eggsy until the delivery boy knocks on the door. Eggsy hops up and pays him, bringing the bags to the table. “Hamish…that all sounds really good. People are gonna love it.”

“Jackson hired me to do covers, but he said a few originals now and then wouldn’t be a problem.” Merlin gets plates and brings them to the table, along with glasses of water.

“So proud of you.” Eggsy beams at him. “And proud of myself…I hooked a hot fuckin’ boyfriend.”

“I don’t know about hot…”

“I do. Yer hot.” Eggsy points his fork at Merlin. “Just say thank you.”

“Thank ye,” Merlin says primly and Eggsy laughs. “I never thought I’d be onstage again.” Merlin pokes at his food. “I just couldn’t see myself there without the group…without Harry.”

“Yer good, babe. An’ I ain’t just sayin’ that cuz yer my gorgeous man. Ya got a good voice, and Christ, yer hands on that guitar.” Eggsy shivers. 

“I know I’m lucky. I’m not good at so many things, but playing guitar…” Merlin shakes his head. “My mother always said it was a gift from the angels, because no one in the family could even carry a tune.”

“Yer my gift from the angels,” Eggsy says almost shyly. Merlin stares at him and he blushes. “I mean…fuck, that was cheesy.” Merlin takes his hand and kisses it. “I mean…never thought I’d find anyone like you. Someone that has my back, who cares about my family…who wanted more than a blowie in the backseat.”

“Eggsy,” Merlin says softly. “Ye deserve all of that and more.”

“Dunno about that…but I know I’m fuckin’ grateful for what I got.” Eggsy leans across the table and kisses him, making sure Merlin’s jumper doesn’t end up in his pho.

“But about that blowie in the backseat…”

“Fuck off, Hamish.”

 

Merlin kisses Eggsy three times for luck. “You and only you,” he murmurs.

Eggsy’s smile is dazzling. “You an’ only you, babe.”

Over a month later this has become their mantra, their secret way of saying I love you. Merlin knows it’s completely ridiculous but he loves it. True to his word Eggsy had forced him to own up to his favorite romantic movie (“Ladyhawke”) as well as his second favorite romantic movie (“Somewhere in Time”). Eggsy teased him mercilessly about his choices but still managed to choke out a few tears while watching both.

“Yer gonna knock ‘em dead, babe…yet again.” Eggsy gives him one more squeeze before heading to his favorite table by the stage.

Merlin’s becoming more and more comfortable doing these Sunday night shows, although he still doesn’t think he could do it without Eggsy right in the front row. The pub seems more crowded every Sunday and Jackson is quite pleased. He’s even hinted to Merlin about singing on Wednesday nights as well but Merlin hasn’t committed to anything. His music is still important to him, still means more than just a way to pay the rent. But while his lyrics and music for Wizard’s Wand had been dark and depressing, his songs now are full of hope and occasionally love. He’s only been recognized once, by a husband and wife a few years younger than he. They’d whispered excitedly as they approached him, and he’d looked at Eggsy nervously. They simply shook his hand, said how happy they were to see him performing again, and said they hoped he might record again someday. That night he lay awake long after Eggsy’d fallen asleep, thinking about the band…recording…Harry.

He starts out with a few covers, throws in the first song he wrote for Eggsy (there are more than one now), and then shakes it up a bit with acoustic covers of non-acoustic songs, such as “Bad to the Bone” by George Thorogood and “Rock and Roll All Night” by Kiss. The crowd seems pleased by those and happily shouts out the lyrics.

“Thank ye, everyone.” Merlin stops for a moment and takes a large pull from his water bottle. “I really appreciate ye coming out on a Sunday night…I know most of ye probably have to work tomorrow. I do as well, and I don’t know about you, but it gets harder and harder to pull my ancient arse out of bed every morning.” The audience laughs. “This is an original song I wrote recently…hope ye don’t mind that I give it a try tonight.” They clap politely. “It could be construed as a song about a lost love, but there are different kinds of love, not just romantic. There’s the loss of friendship, loss of a relationship between relatives, even loss of yourself. This…this is about all of that.” Merlin glances at Eggsy, looking for a bit of strength. This is one of his more emotional songs, and he wasn’t sure about singing it.

“Love you,” Eggsy mouths, and Merlin can only smile back.

“I painted your room at midnight…so I’d know yesterday was over…I put all your books on the top shelf…even the one with the four leaf clover…” Eggsy smiles at him encouragingly. “Man, I’m getting older…I took all your pictures off the wall…and wrapped them in a newspaper blanket. I haven’t slept in what seems like a century…and now I can barely breathe…” Merlin looks down at his guitar, focusing on his fingers so he doesn’t feel self-conscious about the words. He’s talked to Eggsy at length about this song. It’s not about Charlie. “Just like a crow chasing the butterfly, dandelions lost in the summer sky…when you and I were getting high as outer space, I never thought you’d slip away…I guess I was just a little too late.” A few people in the audience cheer. “Your words still serenade me…your lullabies won’t let me sleep. I’ve never heard such a haunting melody…oh it’s killing me…you know I can barely breathe…”

Merlin makes it through the rest of the song and the room erupts in applause. Eggsy stands up and cheers, almost bouncing up and down. “Brilliant!” Merlin hears him yell. Merlin rolls his eyes.

“Thank ye…thank ye very much.” Merlin quickly plays a few riffs and goes into another Kiss song.

 

“Babe, that was fantastic!” Eggsy crows as he follows Merlin into the tiny dressing room. “Ya had them eating out of the palm of yer hand. Bloody hell!”

“Eggsy, it was a pub, not Glastonbury.” Merlin pats Eggsy on the head before opening his guitar case. 

“Ha ha…you were really on tonight. I’m just so fuckin’ proud of ya.” Eggsy grabs Merlin by the face and kisses him hard.

“I…I can go back and play again,” Merlin says breathlessly. “If it means more snogging like that.”

“Forget snogging, bruv.” Eggsy undoes a few of Merlin’s buttons and actually bites his chest. “You was so good I think you’ve earned some good old-fashioned fucking.” 

“I do love a good old-fashioned fuck,” Merlin says. Eggsy growls and bites him again. “After I take a shower.” He carefully places his guitar in the case.

“I’ll take one with ya.” Eggsy closes the guitar case and picks it up. “Best to conserve water an’ all.”

“Horny little brat.”

“Horny for YOU,” Eggsy points out, and who is Merlin to argue with that.

Jackson waves him over from the bar as they exit the dressing room. “Fantastic yet again, Hamish. Have you thought about Wednesdays?”

“I have nae decided,” Merlin admits with a sigh. “I will have an answer for ye by next Sunday, I promise.”

“Fair enough. Have a good evening, gentlemen.” Jackson waves them toward the door.

“See? Told ya…yer brilliant.” Eggsy looks up at him adoringly.

A few people stop him to compliment his playing and he graciously stands and speaks with them, no matter how many times Eggsy gives him ‘take me home and fuck me’ eyes. Finally he thanks them and turns to Eggsy. “All right, lad, let’s go home.”

“Hamish.”

Merlin absolutely freezes. He hasn’t heard his name spoken in that voice for many years. He slowly turns around. “Bloody hell,” he hears Eggsy whisper.

“Harry.”

Harry Hart stands in front of him, as tall and handsome as ever. He’s in a proper bespoke dark grey suit, legs long and thin, body slender and fit. His dark brown hair is now streaked with quite a bit of grey, and he wears a pair of black-rimmed glasses. He looks as if he’s walked out of an advertisement for a Saville Row tailor shop. “Hello, Hamish.”

“Wh-what are ye doing here?” Merlin inwardly curses as he stammers. “I cannae imagine ye frequent this part of town much, now that ye have your own record company.”

“You’d be surprised the places I go,” Harry says smoothly. He looks around the room. “This place is quite nice, actually…much better than some of the places we played in our past.”

“Ye have nae answered my question,” Merlin says almost rudely. He sees Eggsy frown and ignores him. 

“Why, I came because you asked me to.” Harry looks at him strangely.

“What do ye mean, because I asked ye to? I have nae spoken to ye in thirteen years, Harry.”

“I know exactly how long it’s been,” Harry snaps. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out an envelope. “I received your note.”

“My note?” Merlin takes the envelope and studies it. “I wrote ye no note, and this is nae my handwriting.” He opens the envelope and pulls out one of the fliers advertising his performances at the pub. “I would appreciate it if you would come,” Merlin reads on the back of the flyer. “Harry, I dinnae…”

Eggsy clears his throat. “Yeah. That, uh, that might have been me. I might have sent it.” Merlin and Harry both turn to stare at him. “Well, I mean, it WAS me, and I didn’t send it. I, uh, sorta dropped it off with yer secretary…assistant…whatever.”

“Eggsy, what have ye done?” Merlin gasps, fury rushing through him.

“Look…you was miserable without him. He’s yer best fuckin’ mate, an’ I know yer still pinin’ for him, in a platonic sorta way. Least I hope it’s platonic,” Eggsy mutters. “I figured what could it hurt fer him ta get this, know you was performin’, and maybe come see ya. You two could talk, work things out. If he wasn’t interested, he didn’t have ta come, an’ you wouldn’t know an’ be upset by it.” Eggsy puts a hand on his arm. “I just…I was tryin’ ta…”

“Ye interfered in my life, lad.” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hand and removes it from his arm. “Ye had no right.”

Eggsy gasps and looks hurt, but Merlin cannot focus on that right now. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met,” Harry says. Merlin rolls his eyes. Perfect manners, perfect gentleman, just like always.

“Gary Unwin…Eggsy Unwin.” Eggsy shakes Harry’s hand. “I’m his…”

“He’s going,” Merlin interrupts.

“Hamish, lemme…”

“Go, Eggsy. I cannae deal with ye right now. One thing at a time.” 

“Hamish, please,” Eggsy begs, tears filling his green eyes.

“Go!” Merlin commands and Eggsy nods.

“Pleased…pleased ta meet ya, Mr. Hart. I’m…I’m a big fan.” Eggsy turns and slowly walks out the door of the pub.

“I do apologize, Harry. Please know that I had nothing to do with this. I had no clue the boy would do something so rash.”

“I believe you, Hamish.” Harry sighs and glances at his watch. “However, it is late, and I did drag my arse all the way down here. Is there somewhere nearby we could go and talk? At least that will make it worth the cab fare.”

“There’s a tiny café around the corner, open all night. I’ve seen the signs but never been.”

“Very well.” Harry motions for Merlin to lead the way. Merlin takes a deep breath and pushes open the door of the pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's song: "The Crow & the Butterfly" by Shinedown


	19. Chapter 19

NINETEEN

“Eggsy!” Michelle says in surprise as Eggsy comes through the door. She’s seated on the sofa watching television, a mug of tea in her hand. “I thought you was spending the night at Merlin’s.” Eggsy has told her time and time again to call him Hamish but sometimes she can’t help it. Merlin thinks it’s funny.

“I was, until I royally fucked up.” He collapses into a kitchen chair and buries his face in his hands.

She turns off the television and comes to the kitchen. She doesn’t sit until she’s placing another mug of tea in front of him. “I doubt you did all that, babe.”

“Oh, I did,” Eggsy says with a wry chuckle. He wraps his hands around the mug, hissing as the hot ceramic touches his skin. He doesn’t care. He can’t get Merlin’s face out of his mind, the shock, outrage and anger as he looked at Eggsy.

“Wanna tell me about it?”

He sighs, realizing if Merlin’s never going to talk to him again, it doesn’t matter what he tells his mother. “Okay, so the reason Wizard’s Wand broke up…” Michelle unconsciously leans forward and Eggsy has to smile. “Apparently the bloke that ran the record company, Chester King, he was a complete bastard who didn’t like Hamish. He wanted Harry to be the face of the band, and Harry weren’t havin’ none of that. He an’ Hamish were partners. Hamish wanted the band ta do more creatively. Chester didn’t like that.”

“Okay.”

Eggsy appreciates the way she’s just letting him talk. “Hamish has always been gay, of course, but back then he couldn’t really advertise it. He took up with one of the groupies, a fuckhead named Charlie. Hamish fell hard…weren’t just sex fer him, although he found out later Charlie was just usin’ him. Fuckin’ prick,” Eggsy says savagely, wishing he could get his hands around Charlie’s throat. “Anyway, Chester found out, and threatened to hurt the band, cancel their contract, whatever…”

“Jesus, he WAS a bastard,” Michelle says.

“Yeah. So Hamish didn’t want ta do that ta Harry, didn’t want ta take everything away from him or the other blokes, so he just left…decided he’d retire from music, cuz he thought he loved Charlie.” Eggsy sighs. “But Charlie dicked him over an’ he was alone anyway.”

“How do you figure into all this, Eggsy?”

Eggsy sips at his tea. “Well, Hamish got over Charlie eventually…but I know he misses Harry a lot. Ain’t talked to him since the day it all went down thirteen years ago. Found out Harry owns one of the businesses I run to…he has his own record company now. I…I might have left him a note about Hamish playin’ at the pub.”

“Oh, Eggsy,” Michelle says in dismay. “That wasn’t a good idea.”

“Know that now, don’t I? Thought I was helpin’.”

“Babe, if Hamish wanted to talk to him, he knew where to find him, right?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy mutters. “But he…”

“He’s a grown man…you don’t know what’s best for him.”

“Just wanted to see him happy!” Eggsy snaps, feeling guiltier by the minute.

“Of course you did, babe, cuz it’s how you are.” She ruffles his hair and kisses his forehead.

“He sent me away without lettin’ me explain,” Eggsy tells her. “He was so fuckin’ mad, Mum. I don’t know if I can fix this.” He gets out his phone. 

“Well, don’t try. Just give him space.” Michelle covers his phone with her hand. “Let him come to you, Eggsy. If he feels this is worth fighting for, he’ll come around and talk to ya.”

“Yeah.” Eggsy waits until she gets up to quickly send a text. _I’m so sorry. Only wanted 2 help. Luv U._

 

Merlin’s pocket buzzes as they enter the café. He glances down at the text from Eggsy. _I’m so sorry. Only wanted 2 help. Luv U._ Merlin sighs and shoves the phone back into his pocket. “Over there?” He points to a tiny table in the corner.

“That looks acceptable.” Harry leads the way and sits facing the door. Merlin sits across from him and they arrange their long legs under the table as they’d always done. 

The waitress comes and Merlin says, “A pot of coffee, please, and a cup of the soup of the day.”

“Don’t you want to know what it is?” The woman asks.

“Nae, I will eat whatever ye bring.”

“A pot of tea and..” Harry glances down the menu. “The Caesar salad.”

“Ta.” She grabs the menus and hurries away.

Merlin looks at Harry for a long moment. Thirteen years…it’s aged him but in a good way. He looks more distinguished, even more like a proper gentleman. He opens his mouth to speak but Harry says, “You haven’t aged a bit.” He almost sounds surprised. “A few lines at your eyes, but that’s it. How is that fair?”

“I was just thinking the same about you,” Merlin admits. “You look…posh, to use Eggsy’s word.”

“Ah yes.” Harry raises his eyebrows. “How long has this been going on?”

“A short time. Long enough, however, that he should have known to nae interfere in my personal life like this.” Merlin shakes his head. “But I dinnae wish to speak about him right now.”

“Fair enough.” Harry smiles his thanks as the waitress brings their beverages. After she walks away he continues, “Perhaps you would be kind enough to explain why you left me high and dry thirteen years ago, without a farewell or fuck off or even an explanation.”

“It was nae like that.” Merlin sighs and rolls his eyes. “Of course ye would make it sound like a scene from a movie.”

“I’m not sure I enjoy this kind of movie.”

Merlin adds milk to his tea and tries to gather his thoughts. It’s quite disconcerting having Harry so close after all this time, yet in some ways it’s as if not a day has passed. Harry still knows just how to rile him up. “I dinnae say goodbye because I knew ye would beg me to stay. I dinnae say fuck off because ye did nothing wrong. And I dinnae explain because…because I was petrified of leaving ye.” Harry blinks at him. “Chester found out about Charlie.”

“You weren’t exactly discreet, Hamish. He was backstage at every show, on your arm at every party.”

“But Chester never came to our shows and rarely showed up at the kind of parties we went to,” Merlin pointed out. “And he dinnae give a rat’s arse about me any other time except when it came to you.”

“Me?” Harry looks genuinely surprised.

“Harry, I know ye remember the way he kept pushing ye to the forefront. Michael and James dinnae mind, and ye know I sure as hell dinnae mind. But ye insisted on everything being equal…Chester dinnae like that.”

“Of course it should have been equal,” Harry says stubbornly. They pause as their food arrives. “We all did the work, and you and I wrote the songs together.”

“Right. And I always appreciated that.” Merlin gives him a small smile. “I mean it. Anyway, Chester got it into his mind that it was my fault…I was keeping ye from leading Wizard’s Wand the way it should be led. He was waiting for any opportunity to get rid of me, and he found it. Because of my stupidity.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Harry took a bit of his salad. “You were stupid on a regular basis.”

“Usually doing something ye convinced me to do,” Merlin retorts, pointing to his bald head. “Chester found Charlie and I…in a compromising position. He threatened to use the information to bring the band down. He said he would leak to the press that Wizard’s Wand had a homosexual member, and in doing that he would ruin your career…the one thing he knew I would never let happen. So I left.”

Harry drops his fork and it clatters against his plate. “Wait a minute.” He looks furious. “You left Wizard’s Wand…left ME…because of something like this?”

“I wouldn’t let my love for Charlie’s arse kill your career, Harry,” Merlin hisses. “What kind of friend does that?”

“What kind of friend doesn’t tell his best mate what’s going on?” Harry hisses in return. “Christ, Hamish. You should have told me!”

“And then what? Ye would have given Chester hell on my behalf, and he would have ended ye. He had long arms in the business, Harry. He would have made it so ye didn’t get a gig at an airport bar,” Merlin says angrily. “And I was nae going to let that happen to ye. Ye were a star, and rightfully so. Ye were so talented. The music just…” Merlin waves a hand around. 

“And what about you? Two months after you left I saw Charlie sniffing around that arsehole singer for Champagne,” Harry says. “I thought you left because of him.”

“I did.” Merlin pokes at his soup. “I loved him. I was IN love with him. He, however, dinnae return my feelings.”

“Oh, Hamish,” Harry says quietly.

“I know. Ye said it over and over, don’t get involved with the groupies because they are nae interested in forever. I found that out.” Merlin chuckles. “He dumped me as soon as he realized I was nae longer interested in being Merlin, that he was only going to have Hamish.”

“I am sorry,” Harry says. “I hate the thought of you getting hurt like that.”

“Well, I brought it upon myself, didn’t I?” Merlin takes a few bites of his soup.

“Once things ended with Charlie, you didn’t exactly reach out.”

“I wasn’t going to be an albatross around your neck, Harry. Ye were doing well, from what I heard…starting to produce.”

“True, but I missed my best mate. I did try to call once,” Harry confides. “But your number had changed, and it wasn’t as easy to find people as it is now. You weren’t working in the business, because I checked.”

“I traveled a lot. I could nae pick up a guitar for years.”

“But you do now…teaching.” Merlin looks up in surprise. “I’ve googled you now and then, since I knew your real name. I saw the listing for your studio.”

“I like teaching,” Merlin admits. “It allowed me to put my hands on a guitar without having to create anything.”

“I’m no expert, but I do believe some of the songs you did tonight were originals?” Merlin nods, surprised. “I could tell by your face when you sang them. They were very good. Really good, Hamish.”

“Thank ye, Harry. Ye always were my biggest cheerleader.”

“Of course. Because you were talented. Still are.”

Merlin looks him in the eye. “I’m sorry I ran without saying anything, Harry. I mean it.”

“I wish you would have trusted me,” Harry says simply. “You made a decision for me without consulting me. I would have had your back.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Merlin sighs. 

“What gave you the right to do that, Hamish? Why did you think it was a good idea?”

“I don’t know,” Merlin says, frustrated. “Chester had me backed into a corner. I didn’t want to be outed, it wasn’t done back then. I was nae ready to come out of the closet, although I was happy to parade about with Charlie on my arm. I was angry with him, and I thought I knew best. Obviously I didn’t.”

“Obviously,” Harry says stoically.

“I’ve followed yer career, Harry. I’m proud of ye…ye have really done well, and I know ye run your company better than that old sod Chester King.”

“I try. I really make an effort to get involved with all the artists who come on board, make sure they know exactly what they’re getting into.”

“Of course ye do.” Merlin smiles at him. Christ, this feels good.

“Did you know Michael has a daughter?” Harry asks. Merlin shakes his head and Harry gets out his phone. “He adopted her…a lovely young lady named Roxanne.” Harry shows him a picture of Michael with a pretty young woman.

“Talk about aging well. Jesus, he looks the same as the last day I saw him!”

“I know. It’s disgusting. He and James have both found the Fountain of Youth and refuse to share its location.” Harry shakes his head. 

“You’re still in contact with them?”

“Oh yes. We have lunch every few months, occasionally dinner. They’d probably love to hear from you.”

“I doubt it. They will nae be so forgiving.”

“Oh, I haven’t forgiven you. Not yet,” Harry says calmly. “I just see no reason to come to fisticuffs in this nice café.”

“Right,” Merlin mumbles. 

“But after we meet a few more times, perhaps I could be convinced to give my forgiveness.” Harry pulls a business card from his pocket along with a pen. He crosses something out and writes above it. “This is my personal mobile number. I…I’d like us to get together again. I don’t…I don’t want to lose you now.”

“Harry.” Merlin looks up at the ceiling, trying to control his emotions. “I’d like that as well.”

Harry hands him another business card and Merlin writes his mobile on the back. “You are not getting off that easily, of course. You need to tell me about your young friend. Eggy, was it?”

“Eggsy.” Merlin sighs. Eggsy. Something he’s going to have to deal with sooner or later. Not tonight, however; his emotions are too raw, too close to the surface.

“Eggsy.” Harry’s eyes light up the way they always do when he thinks he’s learning something exciting. “How did you meet?”

“He asked me to give his little sister lessons.”

“You teaching a child?” Harry looks amused.

“Yes. I normally don’t take younger students, but she’s quite talented.”

“And?”

“And we got to know each other, and we eventually started dating.” He refuses to tell Harry about the breakdowns he has on the anniversary of his departure from the band. “He’s a messenger, delivers packages and such around the city. Hence his presence at your office.”

“He apparently cares about you very much. It seems like he just wanted you happy.”

“He knows that my history with the band, with ye, is a very touchy subject. He should nae have interfered.”

“Well, your relationship with him is not my business…but I must admit I’m happy he did interfere.”

“I as well,” Merlin says with a sigh.

They sit in the café and talk until the sun comes up, leaving the waitress an exorbitant tip to make up for monopolizing her table. “I haven’t stayed up like this in ages,” Harry says, yawning as they head for the door.

Merlin watches him walk away. He’s still furious with Eggsy, although he knows deep down his heart was in the right place. His head’s still spinning from the events of the last eight hours. Harry has every right to be angry; Merlin really hadn’t acted like a true friend. He didn’t trust that Harry would stand firm with him against Chester, that Harry would be able to fend for himself. He’d made the decision to end Wizard’s Wand without asking its other members. It was selfish, and it was wrong. And they’d all been paying for it ever since, in some way.

“It was good to see ye.” They stand outside the café and look at each other.

“It was.” Harry gives him a small smile. “Go easy on your boy. He apparently cares a great deal for you.”

“Yes…he apparently does.” They hesitate just a moment before hugging. “Fuck, I’ve missed ye, Galahad.”

“I’ve missed you, Merlin.” Harry pulls back and smiles at him. “You have my number. Use it. We try to get together again at a more reasonable hour.”

“I will.” Merlin lets out his sharp whistle and even at such an ungodly hour a cab appears out of nowhere.

“You still have the magic,” Harry says before sliding into the back of the cab.

Merlin watches him drive away before heading home, deep in thought.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Eggsy talk.
> 
> Daisy and Eggsy talk.
> 
> Merlin and Eggsy talk again.

TWENTY

Eggsy waits to hear from Merlin. And waits. And waits some more. Two days go by without a text or a call. He wants nothing more than to blow up Merlin’s phone with calls and emails, begging for just five minutes of his time to explain. He realizes, however, that it’s not the way to deal with this. He needs to give Merlin his space, just like Michelle suggested. It’s probably the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, especially when he goes to bed each night and stares at the handsome face on his wall.

He focuses on work, both at his job and at home. The flat has suffered from years of neglect, basically because Dean always wanted his mother by his side even as he complained about the state of the flat. Eggsy helps her straighten up the living room, moving furniture so she can sweep and mop. They then focus on the ‘master bedroom.’ They can’t afford a three-bedroom flat, not yet, but what they CAN do is partition off part of Michelle’s room with a few sheets to make Daisy her own little space. She’s excited beyond belief, especially when they find a few unicorn pictures at the charity shop for her to hang on the wall.

“My own room, Eggsy!” Daisy says excitedly as soon as it’s done. “My own room.”

“Maybe I could give up my room,” Eggsy says slowly. “I don’t need space. I can kip on the sofa.”

“Babe, that’s ridiculous,” Michelle snaps. “You’re a grown man. Ya deserve yer space.”

“But she deserves it, too.”

“When she’s thirteen and needs somewhere to go in a huff and slam the door, then we’ll worry about it,” Michelle says knowingly. “We have time.”

“All right.” Eggsy smiles down at Daisy. “Yer room looks great, flower.”

“Thanks.” She hugs him, hugs Michelle and falls onto her tiny cot in delight. “I can even practice my guitar in here!” She hurries to Eggsy’s room to retrieve the precious instrument.

“Yeah,” Eggsy says faintly. They leave her to it and head back to the kitchen.

“No word?” Michelle asks.

“No. Doin’ what ya said, leavin’ him be. But fuck it’s hard. Miss him so much…just want to explain.”

“Babe, he’s met ya. He knows what a soft heart ya have, that ya were only tryin’ ta make him happy. He won’t forget that.”

“I hope not,” Eggsy mutters, picking at a scratch in the table.

 

On the third day Eggsy’s sitting in a tiny curry restaurant, inhaling his usual, when his phone rings. He almost drops it in his haste to answer it. “Hello.”

“Hello, lad.”

“Hamish,” Eggsy almost whispers, forgetting about his curry. “I…how are ya?”

“I am fine.”

“I…” Eggsy bites his tongue and counts to five. “That’s good,” he says finally.

“I was wondering if ye would like to come over after work, if it is not too short notice to ask ye.”

“Yes,” Eggsy says immediately. “I can do that.”

“All right. I’ll see ye after your shift then.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

Merlin disconnects the call and Eggsy stares at his phone. Merlin might have called him Mr. Unwin for as cold as his tone was. Eggsy sighs. He just has to explain. Merlin will understand…hopefully.

 

Merlin nervously paces around his living room, anxiously rubbing at the back of his neck. He’s missed Eggsy dreadfully over the past few days but hasn’t been ready to talk to him. He knows deep down that Eggsy meant well, but the interference in his private life…that cannot happen. He’s built this wall carefully over the past decade or so, and he isn’t quite ready for someone to scale it and make decisions about his heart without asking.

The knock at his door scares him and he actually jumps. He takes a deep breath and opens the door. Eggsy is on the other side in his work trousers and shirt, biting his bottom lip as he looks up at Merlin. “Hey, Hamish.”

Fuck, Merlin wants to kiss him. Instead he says, “Hello, lad.” He steps aside so Eggsy can come in. 

“Mind if I go wash up quick? Hurried right over.” Eggsy fidgets a bit, still chewing at his bottom lip. Christ, Merlin hates the look in the boy’s eyes. He looks petrified.

“Of course. I’ll be on the sofa.” Merlin forces himself to go sit down as Eggsy heads for the loo. When Eggsy returns he doesn’t even sit with Merlin; he instead chooses to sit on a chair across from the sofa.

“Thanks fer callin’. I…I was missin’ ya, ain’t gonna lie.”

“I missed ye as well,” Merlin admits. Eggsy seems to relax a bit. “But I must be honest, lad…I was quite angry. That’s why I dinnae call.”

“I know ya were. And I’m sorry. I really am,” Eggsy says earnestly. 

“Do ye know why I was mad?”

“Because…because ya think I overstepped, like. I went in an’ contacted Harry without askin’ ya.”

“I don’t THINK you overstepped, lad,” Merlin says with a frown. “Ye DID overstep.”

“But you was miserable!” Eggsy blurts out. “Fer thirteen fuckin’ years! He’s yer best mate, yer creative partner…ya miss him still. Look at how ya react every year on the anniversary of…”

“Dinnae bring that up,” Merlin says darkly. “That is nae for ye to comment on.”

“Not for me to comment on? I was there, remember? I saw it. Saw how sad ya were, how bitter. What better ta fix that than yer best mate?”

“And what if your plan backfired? What if ye dropped that note off and Harry called me telling me he wanted no part of me, and that I should never contact him again? Would have made me feel any better?”

“Well, no, but at least then ya woulda known. Ya wouldn’t have gone on like this, not knowin’ if…”

“Eggsy, ye realize I’m nae an idiot, right?” Merlin interrupts.

“Of course.” Eggsy makes a face.

“I know how to use a computer. I knew where Harry worked. I knew he owned his own company. He knew I was teaching…he’s been on my website. I could have contacted him at any time. He could have contacted me.” 

“I know ya got used ta bein’ Hamish the Hermit, hidin’ yerself away. But that don’t mean…”

“Oh, no, lad, ye dinnae know.” Merlin stands up. “Ye have no clue about my life. Ye have no clue how hard it was for me to turn and walk away from everything I loved. My music, my career, my best friend…”

Eggsy jumps up as well. “That’s just it! If you was such good friends, why didn’t ya tell him? He knew you was gay, right? He understood and didn’t judge ya! Bet he woulda listened and worked with ya ta find a way ta tell Chester to fuck off.”

Merlin sighs. “Lad, back then…even though homosexuality was legal, it was frowned upon. I could nae have walked down the street holding Charlie’s hand the way I hold yours. If Chester truly wanted to, and if he found the right people in the police department? He could have had me arrested…or found a few men who didn’t like the idea of “poofs” and suggest that they teach me a lesson. I would never bring Harry into something like that.” Merlin shakes his head. “It’s nae your fault, I suppose. Ye are just so young. Ye dinnae understand.”

“Don’t,” Eggsy snaps. “Don’t use my age against me. Me bein’ young don’t change nothin’ about what happened back then.”

“And what happened back then is none of your fucking business!” Merlin roars. “I love ye, Eggsy, and I value ye in my life. But ye dinnae get to make decisions about my heart without asking me.”

“Yer heart is what I was concerned about!” Eggsy almost yells. “I care about ya, Hamish, and I wanted ya happy.”

“Ye just don’t understand…ye have lived such a sheltered life.”

“I’ve lived a sheltered life?” Eggsy stares at him in disbelief. “Yeah, yer right. Lived the last ten years or so sittin on cushions, eatin’ fuckin’ bon-bons, watchin’ telly. Got no idea how tha real world works.”

“When it comes to relationships, no, ye don’t. The way ye grew up…”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” Eggsy hisses. “I can’t bring up that anniversary, you don’t bring up my past.”

“Christ.” Merlin rubs at his forehead. This isn’t where he wanted this to go. “Ye dinnae have the right to make these kind of decisions about my life, Eggsy, no matter how good your intentions.”

“Yeah, I get it. I get to love ya, ya get ta fuck me, but I don’t get to try an’ fix the biggest hole in yer heart. I got ya. Loud and clear.” Eggsy heads for the door.

“Eggsy, that’s not how it is.” Merlin clenches his fists in frustration. He can’t get the words right, can’t make Eggsy see.

“Ya sure, bruv?” Eggsy turns to look at him, eyes bright with tears. “Ya made yerself pretty fuckin’ clear, don’t worry.”

“Don’t leave like this,” Merlin says helplessly. “We have nae resolved anything.”

“Oh, I feel quite enlightened,” Eggsy says. “I’m young an’ ignorant, got it.”

“Eggsy…” Merlin puts a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate your reason, lad. I truly do. But ye…”

“I overstepped. Yeah. I know. I’m gonna go. This ain’t goin’ nowhere good if I stay.”

“We need to work this out,” Merlin says. “What we have is too good to let go over this.”

“I thought it was, anyway.” Eggsy opens the door. “I’ll bring Daisy to her lesson tomorrow, an’ I’ll ask Mum to pick her up. We can talk then. I just…I gotta go.”

“All right.” Merlin sorrowfully watches him walk out, his anger very slowly dissipating.

 

Eggsy stalks into the flat and slams the door behind him. “Didn’t expect ya for dinner, babe…I can make ya somethin’…”

“Ain’t hungry,” Eggsy snaps, heading to his room. He slams the door and flops onto his bed, glaring at the poster on the wall. Fuck him. Fuck him and his stupid kilt and his beautiful face and his sexy hands and his brilliant brain. Fuck Hamish and Harry and everyone else in the entire world. 

Eggsy buries his face in his pillow. He was trying to do the right thing. Hamish is the person he loves more than anyone on the planet except his mother and Daisy, and he was only trying to help him, make him happy. And this is the thanks he gets? Screw that. Why try helping people if this is what happens? He knows he’s being childish and a bit ridiculous, but at the moment he doesn’t really care.

“Eggsy?” A tentative knock falls on his door.

“WHAT?” Eggsy bellows. He hears a whimper and wipes a hand over his face. Christ. “I’m sorry, flower, come in.”

The door slowly opens and Daisy pokes her head in. “Can…can I come in?”

“Course you can, Dais. I’m sorry I barked at ya.” He opens his arms and Daisy comes crawling onto the bed.

“You’re upset.”

“Yeah.”

“I thought maybe Bunnykins could make you feel better.” Daisy places a worn stuffed rabbit on his chest.

“That was real sweet of ya, love, but I dunno if even Bunnykins can help with this.”

Daisy cuddles close with her head on his chest. “What happened?”

“I did somethin’ that made Mr. McNair real mad, an’ we tried talkin’ about it an’ we was both pretty mean.”

“Did ya say sorry for doing it?”

“I did. But it was such a big thing that sorry didn’t make it better.”

“Oh.” She ponders this for a moment. Eggsy knows that in her world, saying you’re sorry usually fixes things. “Didya say bad words?”

“Yeah. We both did.”

“Did he hit you?”

Eggsy winces. That’s the life she knows…if you make a mistake, you get hit. “Absolutely not, flower. I told ya, Mr. McNair ain’t like yer da.”

“Eggsy?” Her voice is small. “Can I tell ya somethin’?”

“Course.”

“I’m…” Daisy’s voice is barely a whisper. “I’m not sorry my Da went away and isn’t coming back.”

“Oh, Daisy.” Eggsy holds her close and kisses her head. “That’s okay. That’s perfectly okay. He weren’t a very nice man, and I know he scared ya.”

“I wish you were my da.”

“Well, I’m your big brother, so I hope that’s good enough.”

“It is.” She stays cuddled close and Eggsy starts to relax a bit. “Eggsy…I like Mr. McNair.”

“I know ya do. He’s a real good teacher and an amazing guitar player.”

“No, not just that.” She sits up. “He listens. Every time I have a lesson, when we go in the room, he asks how my day was, and he listens. Sometimes he tells me what to do but sometimes he doesn’t. He just listens.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I told him I was sad the day I had my new unicorn shirt on and no one noticed because it was Becky’s birthday and she brought in cupcakes. He said he thought my shirt was pretty and that cupcakes make his tummy hurt.” Eggsy smiles. “But then the day that Simon was real mean to me…”

“When was that?” Eggsy asks sharply.

“Oh, a little while ago. He was mean and he called me garbage cuz we’re poor…”

“He WHAT?” Eggsy sits up as well. “Why didn’t ya say anythin’?”

“Because of how you’re acting right now,” she says calmly. “I didn’t want ya to start yelling or whatever. Mr. McNair said I should tell the teacher, but I told him I couldn’t because ya taught me ya don’t grass ever.”

“Right,” Eggsy sighs. “I did tell you that.” And so did Dean, but in cruder terms.

“But he explained that it wasn’t right for Simon to say those things, and what if he was saying them to someone else, too? Mr. McNair said I’m real strong and brave, but maybe some other girl or boy wasn’t strong and brave like me, and it would really hurt them and make them cry. So I told the teacher. Mr. McNair said that sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy, but you have to make that choice.”

“He’s very smart,” Eggsy says.

“He is. I want him to keep being your boyfriend.”

“Me, too, flower.”

“I like that he doesn’t always tell me what to do, ya know? He doesn’t’ always try to fix it. He usually just listens, and sometimes that’s all I want.” 

“Yeah.”

“Maybe if you say sorry to him again?” She scrunches up her face and looks at him. “But like really mean it. And bring him a present. Just not cupcakes.”

“Right. No cupcakes,” he says with a small smile.

“I love you, Eggsy.” She throws herself into his arms and hugs him. She looks over his shoulder and suddenly gasps. “That…”

“What?”

“Is that Mr. McNair on your WALL?” She knee-walks to the edge of the bed to stare at the poster. “Eggsy…I never really noticed…that man looks like him!”

“It IS him, Daisy.” She gasps again. “But don’t talk to him about it…he don’t like talkin’ about when he was in the band. It makes him sad.” Eggsy closes his eyes and rubs at his forehead. “I talked about that…did more than talk, actually…and that’s what made him mad.”

“Oh, Eggsy,” Daisy says in a very maternal tone. He can’t help but laugh.

“Oh, flower.” He grabs her, throws her to the bed and starts tickling her.

 

Merlin paces in his shop as he waits for Eggsy and Daisy. He’s done nothing but think about Eggsy since he’d walked out the door, and he’s really quite anxious about seeing him again. While he still feels that Eggsy overstepped all sorts of boundaries, he knows deep down that his boy’s heart was in a very good place, and he probably shouldn’t have yelled at him. He definitely shouldn’t have pointed out his youth or his upbringing.

The bell rings above the door and he’s surprised to see Michelle following Daisy and Eggsy. “Michelle! What a lovely surprise. I thought ye were only coming to pick the lass up at the end.”

“Well, I realized I have yet to see your shop, although Daisy talks about it all the time.” Michelle gives him a warm smile. 

“Ye are quite welcome,” Merlin says. “Hello, Eggsy…Daisy.”

“Hi,” Eggsy say shyly. He looks tired, as if he hasn’t been sleeping well. Merlin knows HE hasn’t been sleeping well.

“Well, shall we, Daisy?” Merlin motions to the door.

“Okay.” Daisy skips into the rehearsal room and takes her usual seat. Merlin closes the door and before he can say a word, she says, “Eggsy’s really sorry. He told me he did something dumb that made you mad, about your before time that I’m not allowed to ask about. But he’s been very sad and he’s really sorry. I just want you to know that.”

“Well, thank ye for that information, lass. Now…where were we?”

Merlin does his best to focus on the lesson but his mind constantly wanders to the young man sitting outside. When they’re finally finished and he opens the door, however, Eggsy is nowhere to be seen.

“He went upstairs…said he has a key?” Michelle says. Merlin nods. “Well, then, lesson go all right?”

“I learned a new song!” Daisy exclaims.

“I can’t wait to hear it, babe.” Michelle takes her hand. “Have a good night, Hamish.”

“You as well, Michelle. And very good work, Daisy.”

“Bye!” Daisy waves at him as Michelle takes her out the door.

Merlin calmly puts everything away and locks the shop. He slowly goes up the steps, wondering if this was the last time he’d be seeing Eggsy Unwin. He unlocks the front door and stops short as amazing aromas hit his nose. Eggsy is standing by the table, blushing a furious red. “What’s all this?”

“It’s from that place ya took me in Chinatown on our first date. Daisy told me that when ya mess up, ya should say sorry, but maybe also bring a gift. So…I’m sorry…and my gift is dinner.”

“How did ye know what to order?”

“I mentioned your name and the owner said he knew just what you’d want…he even delivered it for free.” Eggsy bites his bottom lip. “Hamish, I am really REALLY sorry. Yer absolutely right. I overstepped. It wasn’t the right thing ta do. I was so focused on tryin’ ta fix yer problem that I didn’t think about yer feelings, or what might happen if Harry didn’t respond in a good way. It came from a place of love…but it was wrong.”

“Oh, lad.” Merlin walks over to him. “I know it came from a place of love. Your heart is an amazing place, and I’m glad ye have shared a tiny piece of it with me. I was just so shocked seeing Harry…and I overreacted. I dinnae like being put on the spot.”

“Of course ya don’t.”

“And I must apologize as well.” Eggsy gives him a curious look. “I should nae have brought your age into our discussion. It has nothing to do with anything.”

“No, it does. You were right…I dunno about a lot of things cuz I wasn’t around ta experience them. Plus I ain’t got a lot of history when it comes to relationships. It’s just…” Eggsy rubs at the back of his neck. “It’s MY sensitive point…how young I am compared ta you. Worry all tha time that ya will realize it an’ go lookin’ for someone more compatible…better for ya.”

“No one is better for me than you, my Eggsy.” Merlin slowly puts his arms around Eggsy who immediately snuggles close. “You and only you.”

“You and only you,” Eggsy whispers.

Merlin buries his face in Eggsy’s hair. “And I’m sorry I mentioned your upbringing. That was wrong. Ye are strong and amazing and brave and I am impressed by ye every day.”

“Well, me interfering with Harry wasn’t that impressive,” Eggsy points out.

“Maybe not.” Merlin pulls back so he can cradle Eggsy’s face in his hands. “I love ye, Eggsy. And what ye said was wrong. Ye don’t just get to love me and I just get to fuck ye…I love ye, I cherish ye. And I appreciate what ye tried to do for me.”

“I love you so much.” Eggsy stands on tiptoe to kiss him and suddenly the meal is long forgotten.


	21. Chapter 21

TWENTY-ONE

“Are you sure about this?” Eggsy fidgets in front of Merlin’s mirror. “I look young. I look too young. Maybe I shoulda brought a shirt an’ tie. I got one, fer like…special occasions. Funerals.” He frowns at his reflection and tugs at his jumper. “This looks cheap. I look cheap.”

“Stop, lad.” Merlin steps behind him and puts his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders. “Relax. You’re not meeting the PM.”

“But…”

“No matter what ye wear, ye will look young, because ye are standing next to me.” Merlin kisses the top of Eggsy’s head. “If ye would wear a shirt and tie, Harry would suspect ye were trying to make an impression, because he knows I am nae a shirt and tie type of fellow.” He kisses behind Eggsy’s ear. “I am amused that ye are comparing this to a funeral.”

“Shut it,” Eggsy growls.

“And as for looking cheap, I will thank ye to never say anything like that again.” Merlin solemnly turns Eggsy around. “Ye are handsome, ye are gorgeous, ye are mine. Ye never look cheap. Ye look like a young man who works hard and whose money from that hard work goes to more important things than expensive clothes.”

“Ya make me sound pretty impressive.”

“That is because ye are, leannan.” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hands and kisses them. 

Eggsy sighs and looks up into his beautiful hazel eyes. It’s been two months since the disaster with Harry and their relationship has only gotten stronger. Merlin’s met Harry five or six times for lunch or dinner or even a simple cup of coffee, and Harry’s been back twice to see him perform. Eggsy, unfortunately, hasn’t been able to make every performance; his mother has started attending meetings for victims of abuse, and he gladly stays home to watch Daisy and get her to bed, since his mother occasionally goes for a bite or coffee with people she’s met there. Michelle has also found a job hosting at a café three days a week and Eggsy could not be prouder.

Merlin now feels his relationship with Harry is solid enough to bring Eggsy along for dinner, and Eggsy is absolutely petrified. Merlin has assured him repeatedly that the reason for the delay isn’t because he’s ashamed of Eggsy, but because he wants to get back into a stable place in his friendship with Harry. He doesn’t want to involve Eggsy in any unnecessary drama. Eggsy believes that, but he still feels a bit intimidated by the idea of Harry Hart. Not only was he the lead singer for Eggsy’s favorite band, but he has a history with Merlin that’s longer than Eggsy’s been alive, and he feels a bit concerned that Harry will make Merlin realize how ridiculous the idea of a relationship with Eggsy truly is. Merlin swears it’s not true, but Eggsy’s insecurities don’t allow him to believe it.

“If ya ain’t embarrassed ta be seen with me, I guess it’s okay.” He turns back around. He’s wearing a deep blue jumper, a gift from Merlin, along with a pair of black jeans and black trainers. “Ya sure this is appropriate fer where we’re goin’?”

“Eggsy.” Merlin turns him around again and steps back. He points at his own body, clad in grey trousers and a burgundy jumper. “Ye are dressed no worse than I. Quit your strop and let’s go.”

“I’m sorry,” Eggsy says, sighing as they head for the door. “I just want this ta go well. Our first meeting was memorable fer all the wrong reasons.”

“It will be fine, lad,” Merlin promises. “Harry is looking forward to getting to know ye.”

“Can’t imagine why. It’ll be like meeting you all over again,” Eggsy mutters.

Merlin sighs but says nothing more.

 

They catch a cab and go across town to a neighborhood Eggsy is completely unfamiliar with. The cafes and restaurants are posh and shiny and he feels poorer by the minute. They go around a corner, down the street, and the cab pulls up in front of a tiny building about the width of Eggsy’s flat. Merlin pays and steps out of the cab, taking Eggsy’s hand as soon as he follows. “Where are we?”

“I thought ye’d like to see a bit of my past, lad,” Merlin says with a grin.

“Are ya sure we’re in the right place?” Eggsy stares at the brown façade doubtfully. A tiny sign above the door says McGinnis and nothing more.

“Aye.” Merlin pushes the door open and tugs Eggsy along behind him.

“Hamish!” The bartender yells. “Good to see you, mate!”

“Hello, Bill.” Merlin quickly maneuvers so Eggsy’s in front of him. “This is Eggsy.”

“THIS is Eggsy?” The bartender holds out a meaty hand. “Bill McGinnis.”

“Eggsy Unwin.” Eggsy shyly shakes his hand.

“Well, I cannot believe it. Not at all what I expected.” The man shakes his head and Eggsy blushes. “You look FAR too good to be hanging around with the likes of him.”

Eggsy blushes for a different reason. “Dunno about that, Hamish is pretty spectacular.”

“How much did he pay you to say that?” Bill asks with a guffaw. 

“Enough, idiot,” Merlin snaps, blushing as well.

“He’s in the back.” Bill nods toward the back of the room. “First round’s on me, mates.”

“Thanks.” Merlin waves over his shoulder and takes Eggsy’s hand again.

The pub is tiny and dark and absolutely perfect. It looks like it’s been there for two hundred years. “Ya come here often?”

“Used to…we used to spend hours back here, eating chips and writing music. Bill and his da would let us hang around as long as we want and we’d help out by washing glasses or sweeping floors.” Merlin waves across the room. “Harry and I have been coming back recently.” 

Eggsy swallows hard and stops walking as a tall man stands up from a table in the corner. It’s Harry Hart, dressed in what was apparently his idea of casual wear. He wore a pair of black trousers, a white button-down, and a grey cardigan. The cardigan alone looked like it would pay Eggsy’s rent for a month. “Hamish.”

“Hello, Harry.” Merlin puts a hand at the small of Eggsy’s back. “You remember Eggsy.”

“Ah, yes. A pleasure to meet you in more favorable circumstances.” Harry smiles and holds out his hand.

“Yeah…about that. I’m really sorry.” Eggsy shakes Harry’s hand. “I mean it. Twas wrong of me ta interfere in Hamish’s life…and yers as well.”

“Water under the bridge.” Harry motions to the seat on his left and Eggsy sits. Merlin sits across from Harry. “Your heart was in the right place, I’m sure.”

“Don’t make it right,” Eggsy says stubbornly. “But I appreciate ya sayin’ that.”

“You want the fish and chips, lad,” Merlin informs him. “Best in London, I promise.” Harry nods in agreement, although Eggsy cannot imagine him getting his hands dirty that way. 

“Bill!” Harry calls. “Three fish and chips, three pints of Guinness.” He looks at Eggsy. “If that’s all right with you.”

“The lad is not fond of Guinness. Make his a lager,” Merlin says. Eggsy frowns. “I’m sorry, Eggsy…I should nae answer for ye, ye are a grown man. Is that all right?”

“Of course,” Eggsy says, relaxing a bit. “Ya know what I like.”

“Two Guinness, one lager,” Harry calls to Bill.

“Thanks,” Eggsy says almost shyly.

“So, Eggsy. I know what you do for a living, and you know what I do for a living,” Harry says easily. “I believe Hamish mentioned you live with your mother and sister?”

“Yes, Daisy. She’s six. She’s how me an’ Hamish met.”

“I wish I could have seen your face, Hamish, when he brought a little girl in to be your student.” Harry smiles at Merlin in amusement.

“I was a bit shocked, although to be fair, Eggsy did say he was bringing his sister for lessons. I just dinnae expect her to be a child.” Merlin turns pink. “And to be honest, once I saw him for the first time, I dinnae care how old she was.”

Eggsy’s mouth falls open. “Ya never told me that!”

“Ye know I was interested in ye.”

“I didn’t know it was the first day!” Eggsy grins. “Good ta know.”

“Shut up,” Merlin mutters and Harry laughs. 

Eggsy is amazed at how easy it is to talk to Harry. He is posh and well-mannered but not condescending, and when Eggsy finishes his pint Harry insists on ordering him another, stating that the night is on him and he should order whatever he likes. He seems interested in what Eggsy has to say, but at the same time is casual about giving tidbits of information about his own life, including his love for his dog, Mr. Pickle.

“I always wanted a dog, and obviously when we were on the road I couldn’t have one. I refused to get a dog and then just leave him with someone else. As soon as I was settled and started doing production work, I got a dog. The Mr. Pickle I have now is actually my second one by that name…the first one died a few years ago.”

“I’m so sorry,” Eggsy says sincerely. “Always loved dogs.”

“Well, you and Hamish will have to come visit sometime, and you can meet him. He is a very well-behaved chap.”

“I’m sure he’s also a very well-spoiled chap,” Merlin adds. “I know your soft spot for dogs, Harry.”

“He is…comfortable,” Harry says and Hamish chuckles. Harry then turns to Eggsy. “I’m so glad to have you here, Eggsy, because I wish to speak with Hamish about something he probably won’t like, and I’m hoping you’ll be on my side.”

“Me?” Eggsy frowns. He’s not looking to take sides against Hamish, even with his best friend.

“Yes, you.”

“What do ye have up your sleeve, old man?” Merlin asks suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Harry says innocently, holding out his arms and shaking them a bit. Merlin rolls his eyes. “I just had a thought…professionally speaking, of course.” Merlin’s eyes narrow. “At your last show you played three original songs, and they were incredible.”

“Told ya,” Eggsy says, poking Merlin in the side. “Ya get too modest sometimes, babe.”

“I believe that,” Harry says. “I mean it…they’re very good, and when you sing them, the emotion in your voice? Beautiful. Especially the one…” Harry snaps his fingers, trying to remember. “Something about seasons changing?” Eggsy turns red.

“Aye, that song is special to me,” Merlin says quietly. “I wrote it for Eggsy.”

“Indeed.” Harry’s eyebrows raise. “You’ve gotten romantic in your old age.”

“I have quite the inspiration.” Merlin’s eyes are warm as he looks at Eggsy and Eggsy wants to lean over and snog him breathless.

“At any rate, I think your voice has gotten better over time. Your playing, of course, is always exemplary.”

“While I appreciate the kind words, Harry, I know how ye are. They never come without a price.” Merlin looks at him suspiciously.

“I want you to record an album on my label.”

Eggsy gasps. “Bill!” Merlin calls. “Harry’s cut off.” Merlin takes Harry’s pint and moves it out of reach. “Obviously ye are drunk.”

“Obviously I’m not.” Harry takes his glass back. “I mean it. I want you to show me all your original material because I think you could make an album out of it.”

“Ye are mad.”

“Yer brilliant,” Eggsy breathes. They both turn to look at him. “Sorry. I’ll shut up.”

“See? Eggsy’s on my side,” Harry says happily.

“What does he know?” Merlin snaps, and Eggsy feels as if someone’s peeled a layer of skin away. “I’m sorry, lad,” Merlin says immediately, placing a hand on his arm. “I dinnae mean that the way it sounded. I haven’t recorded in years, Harry…since…since…”

“I realize that, Hamish. What better time than now? Your personal life is going well, to put it mildly…” Harry winks at Eggsy. “…and you’re building quite a following at the pub.”

“One hundred people coming in and out every Sunday is nae enough reason to make an album!”

“I think it is…because I think those people will tell their friends. And believe it or not, Hamish, people still listen to Wizard’s Wand, still remember us. They’d buy your album.”

“I was the bassist. I wasn’t important.” Eggsy chokes on a cough. “Just because YOU had my poster on your wall, Eggsy, doesn’t mean that…”

“He had your poster on his wall?” Harry looks delighted by that information. “How charming.”

“Oh, do shut up, Harry.”

“Babe, I think Harry’s right,” Eggsy says slowly. “And not just cuz I love ya. Yer voice is incredible, and these songs yer writin’…they’re fuckin’ aces, swear down. Ya put yer heart an’ soul into them, and it’s only fer the love of writin’ them. Not cuz anyone expects ya to do it. What’s better than that?”

“I would never intentionally lead you astray, Hamish,” Harry says seriously. “I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now.”

“I need time to think it over,” Merlin finally says. 

“Why don’t you come into the office in a fortnight?” Harry suggests. “We’ll meet with some people, talk it over.”

“I’m not making any promises, Harry.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Harry looks at Eggsy. “In the meantime, perhaps Eggsy can assist me in pushing you in the right direction.”

“No way, bruv…ain’t gettin’ in tha middle of this. Said my piece, supportin’ Hamish no matter what he decides. I learned my lesson.”

“That’s my boy,” Merlin says, squeezing Eggsy’s leg under the table.

 

Merlin spends the next fortnight obsessing over the idea of recording an album. He’d always enjoyed recording although Harry liked it more. Merlin preferred to be onstage, to feel the energy of the crowd, feeding off their excitement. Harry had more patience, and therefore he behaved better in the studio. Merlin just wanted to get in, play his guitar, and get out again. He cannot possibly imagine that anyone would be interested in him or his music, no matter what Harry said. Merlin is old, Wizard’s Wand is mostly forgotten. 

But Merlin also cannot possibly deny that Harry knows what he’s doing. He might be wealthy and his company might be successful, but he would never sacrifice his company’s reputation or waste money on something he didn’t believe in. And he seems to believe in this.

As Merlin heads to Harry’s office for lunch with his staff, he realizes he hasn’t come to a decision either way. Eggsy, true to his word, hasn’t given an opinion either way. He stubbornly repeats that he is on Merlin’s side no matter what, and refuses to say much else. 

Merlin signs in at the front desk and is immediately greeted by an attractive young woman. “Hello, I’m Amelia, Mr. Hart’s assistant. Mr. McNair?”

“Yes.”

“Come with me, please. He said I’m to bring you to one of our conference rooms…lunch will be served there.”

“All right.” He allows her to clip an ID badge onto his jumper and follows her to a bank of lifts. The lobby is busy with people coming and going, and he can see how easily Eggsy must have made his way up to leave the note with Harry. He had the credentials to get in the door and after that all he had to do was talk to the right people. 

They head for the top floor and Amelia leads him off the lift and down the hall to a closed door. “Mr. Hart is waiting for you, sir. Enjoy your lunch.”

“Thank you.” Merlin takes a deep breath and opens the door, prepared to deal with Harry and his army of employees. 

But he doesn’t find Harry and an army of employees. He finds Harry and two other men. “Ah, Hamish…right on time,” Harry says.

“Bloody hell,” Merlin whispers. 

“Hello, Hamish.” The two men get up from the table. 

“James…Michael…” Merlin fidgets in the doorway, unsure what to say or do. Apparently Eggsy isn’t the only one full of surprises. He makes a mental note to kill Harry later. “I’m…I’m so very…”

“It’s good to see you, Hamish.” James quickly walks over and hugs him.

“I’m so sorry,” Merlin mumbles into James’ shoulder. “I’m so sorry I left without an explanation…without even saying goodbye.”

“Harry explained everything,” Michael says from behind James. James finally releases Merlin so Michael can hug him as well. “I can’t say I understand, but I understand that you had your reasons, and at the time you felt they were valid.”

“I suppose you two haven’t been starving in the meantime,” Merlin says, looking them over. “Still fit and well-fed.”

“Some of us more than others,” James says, patting his mid-section. “It just so happens that I am a brilliant designer and Michael is brilliant with his family’s money.”

“I don’t believe this.” Merlin looks at them, shaking his head. “Harry…”

“We were due to get together, and when I approached them with this idea they were eager to attend,” Harry tells him. “I figured they might help me to convince you to do the album.”

“Harry’s talked to us about that as well,” Michael says. “I’m eager to hear your thoughts, Hamish.”

“Before that, however, I want to hear about everything else.” James practically drags Merlin to the table and sits beside him. “Tell me about this boy of yours. Harry says he’s absolutely adorable.”

“I did not,” Harry retorts. “I said he was charming and well-mannered.”

“I believe Harry’s exact words were ‘Hamish and Eggsy are adorable together,’ James,” Michael corrects, and Harry turns pink.

“I see some things haven’t changed,” Merlin says.

“No, they haven’t. James still acts like a fifteen-year-old,” Michael replies.

“And you still act like there’s a cricket bat up your arse,” James retorts.

No, Merlin thinks to himself with a grin. Nothing has changed….except a weight that slowly starts to lift from his heart.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's come along for this ride. This story did not go anywhere near the direction I initially planned, but you have all held on and been quite sweet in your support. Thank you for your lovely comments and feedback.
> 
> A special thanks to wyvernwolf, who was by my side pretty much for the entire story. Without you I'm not sure this story would have sounded half as good, or been received as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> Another special thanks to Breaking Benjamin for kicking ass in concert and having a very attractive bald guitarist (by the name of Aaron Bruch). He's who inspired this thing in the first place.
> 
> Please come find me on tumblr as zebraljb...I love making new friends.
> 
> And obviously there is one more chapter that decided to add itself.

“Jesus.” Eggsy face-plants onto his pillow as he tries to catch his breath. 

“Aye.” Merlin rolls onto his back next to him, smiling as he pants for breath as well. He leans down and snags something off the floor. “I never knew when I bought this all those years ago that it would bring me such good luck.” He twirls the red kilt in the air a bit.

“Shut up,” Eggsy mutters.

“I love the thought of young teenaged Eggsy Unwin looking at it and…”

“Not just teenaged,” Eggsy says into his pillow. Merlin is silent. Eggsy opens one eye and looks at him. “Okay, yeah, I might have wanked lookin’ at yer poster when I was in my twenties, all right? Fine. I said it.” He turns his head and faces the wall.

“Oh, my poor lad. Dinnae be mad,” Merlin says cajolingly. Eggsy ignores him. “Ye are quite cute when ye are having a strop.”

“Not having a strop,” Eggsy mumbles.

“Very cute.” Merlin kisses his bare shoulder and runs a finger down his naked back.

“Ugh, ya make it too fuckin’ hard ta hate ya.” Eggsy turns his face back and kisses Merlin. “So…what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Ye got my favorite kinda pizza, even though ya don’t really like it. Ya show up in the kilt when I’m brushin’ my teeth an’ pretty much fulfill every naughty fantasy I’ve ever had about ya wearin’ it. There’s gotta be a price.”

“Perhaps I just love ye?” Merlin says innocently.

“Bollocks.”

“I do love ye, and try my best to find ways to make you smile,” Merlin says, and Eggsy nods in agreement. Merlin’s constantly finding ways to please Eggsy, to surprise him. It’s been six months since the night they confessed their feelings for one another and their relationship is still going strong. “But perhaps I wanted to ask ye a favor.”

“All right…but can we clean up a bit first? Sorta layin’ in my own spunk here, kinda rank.”

“Of course. Go clean up and I’ll change the covers.”

Eggsy drags himself out of bed and heads for the loo. His legs feel like gelatin and his throat is hoarse from shouting Merlin’s name. He’s thankful the closest neighbor is three buildings away. He wipes himself down and brushes his teeth again before padding back into the bedroom on bare feet. Merlin tosses him his pajama bottoms and finishes making the bed. Eggsy admires the view as Merlin stretches and bends over the bed. “Never knew someone could look so sexy changing sheets.”

“Ye are a bit biased, leannan.” Merlin flips the covers back and Eggsy crawls into bed. Merlin lays down as well and Eggsy immediately cuddles close. 

“So…”

“So…I was wondering if ye would sing at the pub tomorrow night.”

Eggsy leans on an elbow and stares at him. “Sing. On stage? Babe, I don’t think…”

“I do. Ye have a gorgeous voice, my Eggsy, and more people should hear it.”

“Ain’t nothin’ like you,” Eggsy points out. 

“One song. Please?” Merlin gives him the most pitiful set of doe eyes Eggsy’s ever seen.

“Christ…that’s just shameful,” Eggsy tells him. Merlin smiles proudly. “Any song in particular?”

“Ashes of Eden.”

“Really?” Eggsy’s surprised. “But that’s a Wizard’s Wand song.”

“Aye…Harry doesn’t mind when I do our music, of course, but I generally try to avoid it. That song, however…we never did it live and I love the way ye sing it.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please, Eggsy. One song.” Merlin raises an eyebrow. “I fucked ye while wearing the kilt.”

“Fuck.” Eggsy drops onto his pillow and sighs. “Bastard. Fine.”

 

Eggsy paces in the dressing room, biting at a fingernail as he runs a hand through his hair. “Ya sure ya want me singin’ with ya? Openin’ yer set, no less?”

“Leanna, would ye be able to survive waiting until later?”

“No,” Eggsy admits. 

“All right, then.” Merlin’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he gets it out. “Ah. I need to run out front for a moment.”

“Okay.” Eggsy continues to pace.

Merlin hurries out into the pub, smiling and greeting people he recognizes. The room is almost full; over the last few months he’s gained quite a following. The person he’s looking for is fidgeting by the bar. “Michelle!” He hugs her. “I’m so glad ye could make it. I know your meetings are important to you.”

“You said this was important as well…and I haven’t heard Eggsy sing yet.” She looks down at her jeans and blouse. “Do I look all right?”

“Yes. You look very pretty. I have a table reserved for ye over here. It has the best view of the stage.” He leads her for a table and six chairs by the wall.

“How much room do ya think I’ll need?” Michelle asks with a laugh.

“Oh, it’s not all for you. He’s late, of course, but I have a few friends…” Merlin glances at the door. “Ah, yes. Here they are.” He smiles and waves at Michael, James, and Harry as they enter the pub.

“Bloody fucking hell!” Michelle blurts out and Merlin stares at her in shock. “Hamish, that’s…and they’re…and I look horrible!” She looks down at her clothing in dismay.

“Michelle, ye look fine.” She gives him a dirty look as she quickly tries to arrange her hair. “Hello, James…Michael. Harry, how nice of ye to join us this millennium.”

“You gave me a thirty-minute window, and I arrived within the window,” Harry says haughtily.

“With ninety seconds to spare,” James points out with a grin. “Well, Hamish, who is this lovely lady?”

“This is Michelle.”

“Michelle. A pleasure.” James takes her hand and kisses it, making her giggle.

“She is Eggsy’s MOTHER, James,” Merlin growls. “Quit flirting.”

“Oh, it’s all right. Nice to know I’m not dead yet,” Michelle says.

“And Michael.”

“Very nice to meet you,” Michael says, shaking her hand. “Eggsy is a charming lad.”

“Thanks,” she says breathlessly.

“And this is…”

“Galahad,” Michelle whispers, her face red. “I mean…H-Harry.”

“A pleasure, Michelle.” Harry shakes her hand.

“I…your band…I was…am…was a big fan,” Michelle stutters.

“Of course you were.” James rolls his eyes.

“Here is your table. I must get back to Eggsy,” Merlin says. “James, behave.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him, Hamish,” Michael says. “We’re used to babysitting him by now.”

“Please have a seat, Michelle.” Harry holds a chair out for her and Merlin thinks he actually sees her swoon. Eggsy will LOVE this.

Eggsy is still pacing when Merlin returns to the dressing room. Merlin takes him in his arms and kisses him. “Relax, leannan. A room full of people ye dinnae know, and who ye may never see again,” he lies. “Nothing to worry about.”

“All right.” 

When the time comes Merlin leads him out on stage to thunderous applause. He lines up two stools one directly beside the other. When Eggsy tries to pull his back a bit, Merlin glares at him. “Ye will be singing WITH me, lad, not behind me.” Eggsy sighs and puts it back, adjusting the microphone as he sits down. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Hamish McNair, as ye have gathered. But what some of ye may not know is that I used to sing. Well, I used to play guitar, mostly, and sing a wee bit. I played bass guitar in a band by the name of Wizard’s Wand…going by the name Merlin.” Merlin blinks as a roar of applause pushes forth from the audience. “Well…thank ye. And here I thought perhaps ye have nae heard of them. For those of ye who haven’t…we were fairly popular in the early two-thousands.”

“Fairly popular my arse,” Eggsy says with a cheeky grin. “How many number one singles?”

“Six,” Merlin admits, and the audience cheers again. “I suppose it’s obvious that my boyfriend is a bit of a fan.” There’s the tiniest murmur in the crowd. Eggsy tries to get to Merlin’s performances as often as possible, and it’s obvious by their body language that they’re more than friends. This is the first time he’s said anything on stage, however, and Eggsy blushes a beautiful shade of pink. “Yes, it’s true. This lovely young man not only had my poster on his bedroom wall, but he has my heart as well.”

The audience calls out a collective “Awwww” and Eggsy looks mortified. “Hamish,” he mutters, but there’s a shy smile on his face as well.

“Anyway…I thought I might perform one of the band’s songs tonight. I don’t have the voice for it, but he does. So, here’s a bit of Wizard’s Wand, with Eggsy Unwin on vocals.”

“Ya said we was singin’ together!” Eggsy hisses with his hand over the microphone.

“No, I simply asked ye to sing.”

“I’ll get you for this,” Eggsy growls, but he smiles at the crowd. “All right, then,” he says, removing his hand. “If I don’t do it justice, blame him.” 

“I take full responsibility,” Merlin promises. He tunes the guitar a bit and starts to play.

Eggsy takes a deep breath. “Will the faithful be rewarded, when we come to the end…will I miss the final warning…from the lie that I have lived? Is there anybody calling, I can see the soul within…and I am not worthy, I am not worthy of this…” He wipes his hands on his jeans and smiles nervously at the crowd. A few people whistle and clap. “Are you with me after all…why can’t I hear you? Are you with me through it all…then why can’t I feel you? Stay with me, don’t let me go…because there’s nothing left at all. Stay with me don’t let me go…until the Ashes of Eden fall…”

 

The audience jumps to their feet and applauds when Eggsy’s done singing. He stands up and gives a small bow, pulling his stool to the side of the stage. He glances at Merlin, who is absolutely beaming with pride. “Eggsy Unwin, ladies and gentlemen,” he says, and they all applaud again. 

Eggsy sits on his stool and watches Merlin sing. By now it’s like he’s never left the stage, as if he’s always been a solo artist. He holds the audience in the palm of his hand, sometimes not even singing, just playing a solo on the guitar. Yet again Eggsy is amazed that this is his life. His mother and sister are finally safe and sound, his mother is working hard and earning her own money, and he has the most amazing man on the planet as his boyfriend.

“I’d like to thank ye for coming out tonight,” Merlin says finally. “I also have a bit of an announcement to make. Unfortunately I may not be here on a regular basis, starting in a few weeks.” The audience boos and Eggsy frowns. He knows nothing about this. “I have a full-time job…but I also will be working with the lovely people at Round Table Records to records my very first solo album.”

The audience screams and Eggsy does as well. He barely waits for Merlin to put the guitar down before he throws himself into his boyfriend’s arms. “Hamish! Ya decided ta do it!”

“Aye, lad, Harry wore me down.” Merlin hugs him then pulls away. “I’ll be quite busy, lad, and more than likely quite grumpy. I’m scared as hell.”

“Yer gonna be brilliant. I love ya so much!” Eggsy hugs him again.

“Eggsy. Eggsy!”

Eggsy turns at the sound of a familiar voice claling his name. “Mum?” He gasps. “What are ya doin’ here? Where’s Daisy?”

“Hamish invited me ta hear you sing. You were incredible.” His mother hugs him tight. “I was so proud. You sounded beautiful. And Daisy is stayin’ the night at Marie’s.”

“Course. Sorry.” He allows her to hug him until he can’t breathe. “Mum…oxygen…”

“Sorry.”

“I didn’t see ya in the audience.”

“Well…” Michelle turns red. “I was, uh…”

“She was sitting with us, my boy.” Harry puts out his hand. “You sounded incredible. You sang that song better than I ever did.”

“No, sir, no way.” Eggsy shakes his head.

“Trust me, Eggsy, you did.” 

Eggsy’s mouth falls open as he stares at the men behind Harry. “Bloody hell.”

“I suppose ye recognize Michael and James,” Merlin says with a grin.

“Course I fuckin’ do. Christ.” He shakes their hands. “An honor. Really.” He knew that Merlin was talking to the other band members on a regular basis now, but didn’t expect to meet them anytime soon. 

“You won’t regret your decision, Hamish,” Harry is saying. “I won’t let you down.”

“I think we need to worry if I will let YOU down,” Merlin says. 

“You won’t be alone in this, Hamish,” James reminds him. “We’ve all got your back.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says quietly. He takes Merlin by the hand and pulls him close, looking up into his hazel eyes. “I got you. You an’ only you.”

“You and only you,” Merlin repeats, kissing him in front of everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Eggsy sings - "Ashes of Eden" by Breaking Benjamin.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I planned on writing this when I officially finished the story, and then challenges happened.
> 
> I dedicate this final chapter to wyvernwolf, who has been begging for 'kilt sex' since day one.

TWENTY-THREE

“Nothing big,” Eggsy announces as he stumbles out of Merlin’s bedroom.

“Too late, lad. I cannae help what the good Lord’s given me.” Merlin grabs his crotch and winks.

“Really, Hamish, it ain’t that big.”

“That is nae what I remember ye saying just a few hours ago. I distinctly remember…”

“Shut it.” Eggsy gives him a hard kiss.

“I thought ye were going to sleep the day away, my Eggsy.” Merlin gently nudges him onto a chair and gives him a smile. He does love when Eggsy sleeps over. He’s been trying to get up the nerve to ask him to move in, but even after a year the idea of Eggsy loving and wanting him still blows his mind. Michelle is doing better, taking a few night classes and working full-time at the restaurant during the day. Daisy is thriving and has made more friends, and Eggsy…Eggsy is everything wonderful in his life. Even better than the solo album that will be dropping in just a few months.

“Can’t help it that SOMEONE kept me up late last night. Thought your interest in sex was supposed to wane with age,” Eggsy grumbles, attempting to sit more comfortably on the chair.

Merlin grins and goes back to the stove. The most recent round of sex had definitely been…lively. “I dinnae remember you complaining.”

Eggsy rolls his eyes and Merlin chuckles. “Thanks, babe,” Eggsy says as Merlin gives him a plate of bacon and eggs. He turns his face up and Merlin gives him a tender kiss.

“So…what were ye saying about not wanting something big?” Merlin sits down with a cup of coffee and watches Eggsy eat.

“Nothing big for my birthday. I’ve met you. Yer gonna try to go all out and it ain’t necessary.”

“Is it such a crime that I wish to spoil my beautiful boy on his birthday?” Merlin asks innocently.

“Babe, you know I don’t need all that.”

“I know ye don’t need it…I just like making ye smile.” Merlin sips at his coffee.

“You make me smile all the time just by being yourself. Show me all the time how much you love me, and that’s all I need.”

Merlin sighs and watches Eggsy shovel eggs into his mouth. Now’s as good a time as any. “Speaking of showing ye I love ye…I have something I’d like ye to look at.”

“All right,” Eggsy says slowly. 

“Keep eating while I find it.” Merlin stands and goes to his desk to paw around a bit, as if he doesn’t know exactly where it is. He gets a padded envelope from a drawer and brings it back to the table. He’s been hesitating for days about this, unsure as to how Eggsy will react. “So…”

“Christ, Hamish.” Eggsy wipes his mouth and pushes his plate away. “You look miserable. Is…did…did I do something wrong?”

“Lad.” Merlin leans over and gives him a hard kiss. “Ye have done nothing wrong. I swear it. I’m just nervous.”

“You proposing?” Eggsy looks half-elated, half-petrified.

“Would ye be averse to the idea?”

“No, but dunno if I’m quite ready for all that yet,” Eggsy says honestly.

Merlin smiles. “My thoughts exactly. Especially with this album, I’ll have to start traveling a bit, doing shows and things…and I cannae plan a wedding while I’m doing all that.”

“You’d…you’d really want to marry me?” Eggsy asks timidly.

“Oh, leannan, I most certainly would. Someday.”

Eggsy shoves himself away from the table and Merlin barely has time to sit down before Eggsy falls onto his lap. “I love you.” His kisses taste like bacon and Merlin chuckles.

“I love ye.” Merlin gets Eggsy situated on his lap before holding out the envelope. “I’ve been struggling with this for weeks. Harry finally told me if I didn’t get something down he’d show ye pictures of the time I had the flu and puked up everything except my essential internal organs. It was nae pretty.”

“I’d still love you,” Eggsy promises.

“Well, here it is.”

Eggsy takes the envelope and opens it, pulling out the tiny booklet. “Is this…this is for your album?”

“Aye, it goes in the CD case. I know most people buy the music digitally now, and this really doesn’t matter, but it was important to me and I had a hand in all of it. Picked the photos, the colors, everything.”

“It’s great.” 

Merlin looks over Eggsy’s shoulder as he flips through the pages. He’s decided to use his Wizard’s Wand stage name, Merlin McNair, since it’s how most people will recognize him. There’s a picture of him on the cover, seated on a stool, guitar on his lap. He’s wearing jeans and a jumper Eggsy’d given him for Christmas, and he supposes it’s not a bad likeness. “It was surprisingly exhausting. It was so much easier doing that with three other people.”

“This is a gorgeous picture. And you’re wearing my jumper.” Eggsy gives him a sunny grin and kisses his cheek. He continues to flip through. “Ooh…I want a blow-up of this one.” Eggsy taps the center of the booklet, a picture of Merlin dressed entirely in black. Black boots, tight black jeans, a black vest. “In poster size.”

“The real thing is nae enough?” Merlin asks, poking him.

“More than.” Eggsy frowns. “But other people seeing you all hot as fuck like this? Maybe it’s not a good idea.”

“No one else thinks that.”

“I doubt it,” Eggsy grumbles. He stops on the page with lyrics to ‘his’ song and blushes a bit. He’s known the track listing all along, but he still seems amazed that Merlin’s including the song he wrote specifically for him. He goes through the rest, smiling at some of the pictures. The smile freezes on his face as he gets to the ‘thank you’ section. Merlin clears his throat and waits. Eggsy finally looks up at him with wet eyes. “I can’t…I can’t really read it…guess my eyes are getting old. Ain’t because they’re full of tears. Read the first few sentences, but that was it.”

“I will help you.” Merlin takes the booklet and clears his throat again. “I owe a debt of gratitude to my oldest and dearest friends, Harry, Michael and James. Thank you for forgiving my ridiculous mistake and giving our friendship a second chance. To my dearest Eggsy, the love of my life…” Merlin glances up and sees Eggsy’s bottom lip trembling. “To my dearest Eggsy, the love of my life. I gave up on romance a long time ago, thinking I would never be worthy of anyone’s heart. But not only have you entrusted me with yours, you have painstakingly mended my own. I wake up every day happy in the knowledge that I have you to love, and I am thankful for each new experience we share. I am so blessed that you have given me your time, your love, your beauty. I love you, leannan.”

“Babe,” Eggsy sobs, burying his face in Merlin’s neck. “You…you really think all that about me?”

“All that and more. They only gave me so much room.” Merlin kisses the top of Eggsy’s head and feels Eggsy’s lips on his neck. 

“Everyone’s gonna read that and know what a sap you are.”

“Yes, I know,” Merlin sighs. “Harry’s already had a lovely time with it.”

Eggsy looks up, green eyes shining. “I love you so much, Hamish.”

“And I you, my Eggsy.” Merlin taps the booklet. “And now everyone in the world will know it.”

 

“Happy birthday, babe!” Michelle attacks him with a hug as soon as she can reach him.

“Mum, public pavement. Mum!” Eggsy grumbles, embarrassed.

“Don’t care, never gonna see these people again. My son deserves a hug on his birthday.” She pulls back to look at him. “My baby.”

“Mum!” Eggsy turns red. “Can we just get to the restaurant or whatever?”

“You don’t seem very happy. You love your birthday.”

“Yeah, it’s just…” Eggsy pulls his mother aside so pedestrians don’t run them over. They’ve met in a busy part of town, headed for Eggsy’s birthday dinner at a nice restaurant. “I don’t understand why Hamish couldn’t get out of that stupid meeting with Harry. Or why Harry simply HAD to have a meeting tonight. Of all nights!”

“We don’t know about the music business, babe. Stuff probably came up they had to get working on.” Michelle shrugs. 

“He said if they finish early, he’ll call.” Eggsy sighs. Over the past three or four weeks Merlin has been practically invisible. If he’s not in Harry’s office having meetings, they’re at late night dinners with executives from the company.

“So your old mum ain’t good enough? I did all the work on your birthday anyway…”

“I know.” Eggsy realizes he’s throwing a tantrum. “I’m sorry. Ya look real nice, Mum.”

“Thanks.” She actually fidgets a bit. “I got something I wanna tell ya.”

“Right here on the pavement?” Eggsy looks around. “It could wait til dinner.”

“No, cuz I might lose my nerve.” She takes a deep breath. “How upset would you be if I told you I was seeing someone?”

Eggsy thinks for a moment. “You’re a grown adult, Mum. I got no right to get upset. Unless the guy’s another…”

“No,” she says quickly. “He ain’t nothing like Dean. He’s handsome and smart, got a good job. Thinks I’m worth something, you know? Even though I just work in a café.”

“You are worth everything, Mum, and if this guy’s willing to see it, I’m willing to give him a chance.”

“Thanks, babe.” Michelle smiles at him and kisses his cheek. “Speaking of the café…reservation ain’t for twenty minutes…wanna show you something.” She takes his hand and starts leading him down the pavement. “Café is thinking of opening a new location in this hotel up here…said they might promote me to dining room manager.”

“Mum!” Eggsy gasps. “Fuck, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of ya!”

“Don’t got the job yet, Eggsy, so don’t get too excited.” She continues to hold his hand as they enter a posh hotel.

“Mum…are we allowed ta just go in here?” Eggsy whispers as she strides through the lobby.

“It’s a public place.” She nods to the man at the desk and keeps walking.

“Mum,” he says weakly, surprised yet proud of this confident woman holding his hand. 

“It’s just down here…” She leads him down the corridor toward the banquet rooms.

“Ya sure, Mum, cuz you’d think they’d want a restaurant near the front…” But he continues to follow her until she stops at a set of double doors. She opens the door and steps aside for him to enter first. “Mum, it’s dark. I don’t think we…”

“SURPRISE!”

The lights blaze on and Eggsy stares in shock. The small banquet room is decorated in black, gold and green and there are balloons everywhere. Eight round tables are set with beautiful centerpieces, and there is a small stage set up in the front of the room.

“Mum! This…and a band…and Jamal!” Eggsy fiercely hugs his best friend. “What the actual fuck?”

“Happy birthday, mate.”

Eggsy slowly works his way through the crowd of people which includes work friends, his mates from the neighborhood, and a few people they’ve befriended at the pub where Merlin’s been singing. He’s pleased to see Roxy, Michael’s daughter, in attendance, although he frowns as he realizes there’s no Michael, no James…no Harry or Merlin.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy,” Roxy says as she hugs him. They’ve met quite a few times and have hit it off like a house on fire. “Michael and James are stuck on a site, and Harry and Merlin had meetings at the company.”

“Yeah, figured as much,” he says with a sigh. “Been nice if they coulda switched things around for my birthday.” He swallows the lump in his throat. “Guess I gotta get used to it…this album does well our lives will change forever.”

“He’ll still love you, babe,” Michelle promises. “Know that for sure.”

“Right.”

Someone shoves a drink into Eggsy’s hand and he manages to drink it slowly until they sit down to eat. Eggsy keeps the chair next to him empty just in case, but Merlin doesn’t show. He texts him about the surprise and receives a quick return message saying that Merlin loves him and that he’s sorry not to be there.

He has two more drinks with dinner and has a pleasant buzz by the time the plates are cleared away. “So…a band.” He turns on his mother. “Really, Mum? A bit much, innit? Must’ve cost a fortune. And I bet Hamish is payin’ for this.”

“Band didn’t cost nothin’, bruv,” Jamal says, punching him in the shoulder. “And I’m sure you’ll be paying your bloke one way or another later on tonight, right?”

“Jamal! My mum is right here!”

“Your mum has two children and it just so happened she had sex last week,” Michelle informs him.

“Oh, bloody fuck.” He actually covers his ears.

Jamal laughs as he stands up. “Happy birthday, Eggsy.”

“Shit, Mum, really? Wish I could bleach that from my brain,” Eggsy moans. Michelle laughs long and hard as Jamal heads for the stage. “What the fuck, Jamal? Get back here!”

“On behalf of Eggsy, wanna thank you all for comin’ out tonight,” Jamal says into the microphone. “Eggsy, you’re my best mate and I love ya…you’re a good person and deserve all the things that have been happening to you lately.”

“Thanks,” Eggsy whispers as he blushes.

“Now…this is one helluva party…thanks, Michelle, for organizing it…” Everyone applauds and Michelle smiles modestly. “But a party ain’t a party without music.” Jamal motions to the instruments behind him. “It just so happens we were able to convince Eggsy’s favorite band to reunite for just one night.”  
Eggsy slowly stands up. This isn’t happening. “Wot?”  
“First time they’ve played together in well over a decade. Ladies and gentlemen…Wizard’s Wand.”

Eggsy stares in shock as James comes out and gets behind the drum set, and Michael goes to the keyboards at the side. They’re both in jeans, button-down shirts and ties. Harry strides out in his trademark trousers, tie, and shirt with cut-off sleeves, guitar around his neck. There’s a pause and then Merlin appears carrying his bass. Eggsy’s knees go weak and he actually stumbles back against the table. Merlin looks as if he’s stepped right off Eggsy’s poster. Black boots, black vest, black leather wristbands…and that gorgeous red plaid kilt.

“Eggsy, you all right, mate?” Jamal asks, actually looking concerned. He waves a hand in front of Eggsy’s face.

“This so isn’t happening. I’m dreaming.”

“Don’t think you are, Eggsy.”

Michael plays a quick scale on the keyboard, James riffs on the drums and Merlin’s fingers fly over the bass. “He is so getting laid tonight,” Eggsy says faintly. “Anything he wants I’m gonna do. Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah, that was way too much information.” Jamal wanders away and Eggsy continues to stare open-mouthed.

“We’ve only been practicing for a few weeks, so you’ll forgive us if we’re a bit rusty,” Harry says into the microphone. “It’s been a pleasure to get back up on stage with these idiots, but we will not be making it a habit. Except for this one, who’s solo album will be dropping soon.” He points at Merlin and everyone cheers. “Happy birthday, Eggsy.” Harry gives him a bit of a salute and they start the intro for Eggsy’s very favorite song.

Eggsy slowly sits down, unable to keep his eyes off his boyfriend. Harry’s voice is a bit weaker but otherwise they sound incredible. And Merlin. Merlin looks gorgeous on stage, fingers weaving over the strings of his bass, voice strong as he backs Harry and occasionally sings some lines on his own. When the song ends the room goes mad, and Eggsy notices some employees standing at the doors on the side of the banquet room. He stops a waitress and tells her that if any of the employees want to come listen to the impromptu concert they can, as long as they won’t get in trouble. She nods and scurries away.

“Thank you,” Harry says. He nods at Merlin, who starts a low pulse on the bass as Harry gets ready with his guitar again. “Will the faithful be rewarded…when we come to the end? Will I miss the final warning, from the lie that I have lived? Is there anybody calling? I can see the soul within…and I am not worthy…I am not worthy of this…are you with me after all? Why can’t I hear you? Are you with me through it all? Then why can’t I feel you? Stay with me, don’t let me go…because there’s nothing left at all. Stay with me, don’t let me go…until the ashes of Eden fall.” Michael and James come in on the next verse, but again, Eggsy only has eyes for Merlin.

They do three more songs before putting their instruments down and bowing. The crowd cheers for more but they shake their heads and slowly hop down from the small stage. Eggsy does nothing but stare, unable to even applaud. He finally manages to stand up as the four men approach him. “Well, that wasn’t too horrible,” James says cheerfully. “Although I’d forgotten about the stick blisters.” He rubs at his hands. “Many happy returns, Eggsy.”

“Thanks,” Eggsy says.

“Yes, Eggsy, happy birthday. I need a drink,” Michael says, and he and James make a beeline for the bar. 

“You…that…” Eggsy stammers. “What the actual fuck?”

“Quite articulate of you, my boy,” Harry says with a grin. “We’ve been practicing for weeks, as we said. At night.”

“So…the nights Hamish said you was having meetings for his album?”

“Oh, we did, but mostly we rehearsed.”

“Are ye surprised, lad?” Merlin asks, looking a bit worried.

“Best fucking surprise EVER. You were so fucking sexy, Hamish, Christ. Wanted to crawl up on that stage and see what was under that kilt.” Okay, so maybe he’d been drinking throughout their entire performance and his brain to mouth filter was broken. “Wanted to get my mouth on you and…”

“We get the idea, leannan.” Merlin kisses him.

“And what did you think?” Harry turns to Michelle.

“I thought you were amazing.”

“I hoped we lived up to years of expectations,” Harry murmurs.

“More than,” Michelle says as he puts his arms around her and kisses her.

“Whoa!” Eggsy stumbles over and yanks Michelle away. “Don’t care who you were or how much money you got, you don’t go attacking my mum!”

“Eggsy, he didn’t attack me.”

“Just cuz you’re all posh and my man’s best friend, don’t mean ya got the right to be sticking your tongue down her throat,” Eggsy says angrily. “Should punch your fucking face in for that! Taking advantage of…”

“Eggsy!” Michelle slides back between Eggsy and Harry. “Remember I told you I been seeing someone? It’s Harry.”

“Harry. Harry Hart? Galahad?” Eggsy gapes at her. A light bulb goes off, although it’s a bit dim. “Wait…you said you had sex last week. Yer fuckin’ my MUM?” Eggsy shoves at Harry.

“We are involved in a responsible adult relationship that involves sexual relations, yes,” Harry says calmly.

“Well, ye just made it sound like an educational textbook,” Merlin mumbles.

“Since WHEN?”

“Since we started planning this party,” Michelle says. “Met with Harry and Hamish a bunch of times, then…then Harry asked me out for coffee.”

“And things progressed from there.”

“I’ll say they did,” Eggsy says with a glare. “Look, don’t be thinking…”

“Eggsy, your mother is a smart, attractive woman. I know how lucky I am that she has agreed to go out with me, and each time I see her, I can’t wait to see her again,” Harry says. Michelle turns pink and giggles a bit.

“Well, yeah. She’s fuckin’ aces and don’t you forget it.” Eggsy looks from Michelle to Harry. Could this night get any weirder?

“I most certainly will not, and if I do, you have my permission to ‘punch my fucking face in,’ as you so eloquently put it,” Harry says.

“Still not real happy about this,” Eggsy grumbles, but allows Merlin to lead him over to the birthday cake. “Did you know about that, babe?”

“Yes,” Merlin says honestly. Eggsy opens his mouth to speak but Merlin gently closes it. “Your mother is a lovely person who deserves someone that will treat her right. Harry Hart will most definitely treat her right. And trust me, lad, if I saw this relationship forming and dinnae think it was wise, Harry would have gotten an earful.”

“All right,” Eggsy says with a sigh.

Everyone gathers around him to sing as Michelle lights the candles. Merlin pulls him close and puts an arm around him as they sing and Eggsy sighs. He knows how lucky he is. He blows out the candles and thinks hard about his wish. Right now there’s only one thing he truly wants, and if he doesn’t get it, he’s still one of the luckiest men in London.

He drinks a bit more as the party starts to wind down; he doesn’t do it often and he figures he’s safe here with the people he loves. Harry and the others go back to the stage to pack up the equipment and Eggsy wanders over to him. “Sorry that I threatened to hit ya,” he says. Harry closes his guitar case and stands up straight. “It’s just…she’s had shite luck, you know? And she’s finally getting on her feet and I worry about her. Know you’s not a monster, not a waste of space like Dean Baker. But I still worry.” Eggsy sighs. “Probably trust you more than any other bloke, though, except maybe Hamish.”

Harry puts a hand on his shoulder. “Eggsy, I know a bit of your mother’s history, although I have never asked. She’s told me some things, and Hamish has as well. I know she’s had a rough go of it, and I promise to you that however long our relationship lasts, I will always treat her with honor and respect.”

“Fair enough.” Eggsy shrugs. “Ain’t callin’ you Da, though.”

Harry looks horrified at the mere thought, and Eggsy chuckles as he hops back down from the stage.

 

“That went well,” Merlin says as he unlocks the door to his flat.

“That was amazing.” Eggsy leans against the wall with a sigh. “Never expected that. A surprise party…and you blokes. You were incredible.”

“I think we were a bit rusty, but with only weeks to prepare, we couldn’t ask for more.” Merlin hangs up his keys and shrugs out of his leather jacket.

“How did it feel being back on stage with them?”

“Like coming home,” Merlin says honestly. It was strange at first. They all took their usual places, but the faces behind the drums or over the keyboards were quite different from the last time they’d played together. A bit older, a bit wiser. Michael and Harry argued about key changes, as usual, but then once the music started, it flowed over them and brought them all together. He hadn’t told anyone, but Hamish had come home and cried after their first rehearsal. “I’m just glad ye were pleased.”

“Pleased is an understatement. Ask Ryan ta show you the video he took of my face when you all came out. Gobsmacked is probably the best word.”

“Good.” Merlin cradles Eggsy’s face in his hands and kisses him. “Happy birthday, my Eggsy.”

“Mmmm.” Eggsy allows himself to settle against Merlin. “When I saw you all decked out like this, just about nutted in my pants.”

“Ye have seen me in the kilt before…we’ve played a bit with the kilt,” Merlin points out.

“Yeah, but ya never had your guitar with ya before…was never onstage.” Eggsy takes his hand and starts pulling him toward the bedroom. “Jesus, I wanted to jump up on stage and worship you.”

“Eggsy, I’m sweaty and…”

“Don’t care,” Eggsy says with a cheeky grin, and to be honest, Merlin really doesn’t care either. “Just…stay.” He stops Merlin just inside the door of the bedroom. “Wait.” Eggsy toes off his shoes and flings them across the room before wrestling himself out of his shirt and undoing his jeans. Merlin deosn’t think he’s ever seen Eggsy disrobe this fast, although the slight intoxication makes him clumsy and adorable. He winks at Merlin as he slides down his pants and stands naked before him. His cock is hard and red against his stomach.

“Ye are a work of art,” Merlin whispers.

“Ain’t all that.” Eggsy saunters over and gracefully falls to his knees. “You, on the other hand…” He fights with the laces of Merlin’s boots and finally wins, tugging them from Merlin’s feet as Merlin balances with a hand on Eggsy’s head. He peels Merlin’s socks off and slowly runs his hands up Merlin’s legs. He looks up at Merlin and bites his bottom lip, fingernails lightly grazing over the back of Merlin’s thighs. He whimpers with disappointment when his hands reach the briefs Merlin’s wearing under the kilt.

“I could nae go traditional, lad, not around so many people we know,” Merlin tells him. “There is always the possibility of a wardrobe malfunction.”

“Pity,” Eggsy murmurs. He reaches up for the waistband of the briefs and slowly wiggles them down and off. “Much better.” He rubs his cheek on the front of the kilt.

“Oh, my naughty little lad,” Merlin says with a grin, moaning as Eggsy slide up to grab his arse and squeeze it.

“Not my fault. You know what this thing does ta me. Turns my brain to mush, can only think about one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“This.” Eggsy fondles Merlin’s balls with one hand and strokes his cock with the other as he leans his head on Merlin’s hip.

“Oh, fuck yes,” Merlin hisses, a hand fisting in Eggsy’s hair. 

“Look like such a badass in this getup,” Eggsy murmurs, his thumb swirling over the damp tip of Merlin’s cock. “Like you could just throw me down and fuck me, take me without warning.”

“Is that what ye want? I can do that.” Actually that sounds quite lovely.

“Not tonight.” Eggsy stands up and smiles at him. “Down on the bed.” Merlin reaches for the buckles of the kilt. “Nope. Leave it.”

Merlin crawls up onto the bed and lays down on his back. Eggsy retrieves lube and a condom from the nightstand and crawls on the bed as well. He turns around and straddles Merlin’s thighs, facing his feet. “Now that is a lovely sight.”

“Get me ready for your cock, Hamish, please,” Eggsy begs. “Want you inside me.”

“Jesus,” Merlin whispers, almost dropping the lube in his haste. Eggsy groans when the first finger slides inside, going down on his elbows and dropping his face between Merlin’s legs. He rocks back against each thrust, arse in the air. “Ye are so beautiful…the way your body takes me…” Eggsy simply gasps, whining when Merlin adds the second finger.

Merlin feels like he could do this forever, but Eggsy finally pushes himself back up. Merlin wipes his hand on the duvet as Eggsy turns around to straddle his thighs again. He slides his hands up under the kilt, fingernails dragging over the inside of Merlin’s legs. “You…are fucking gorgeous,” Eggsy whispers. “Can’t believe all this belongs to me.”

“It belongs to you. You and only you,” Merlin murmurs. Eggsy leans forward for a kiss and they snog for a long moment. Then Eggsy’s hands are pushing at the kilt, bunching it at Merlin’s stomach to reveal his throbbing cock.

“Fuck, this is the hottest thing ever,” Eggsy mutters. He strokes him for a moment before sliding the condom on. He knee-walks up and kisses him again as he takes his cock and slowly seats himself.

“Christ,” Merlin groans, head thrown back.

“Look at me,” Eggsy hisses. Merlin’s eyes flutter open to see Eggsy flipping the kilt up a bit and fisting it in his hands as he sinks down. “That’s right…fucking fill me, Hamish…take me…”

“Eggsy.” Merlin grabs Eggsy’s waist and guides him up and down.

“Yeah…move me…use me…” Eggsy pants. His hands remain fisted in the kilt, holding it almost like reins of a horse. His body ripples and move, muscles contracting as he works himself on Merlin’s cock.

“I like the look of ye this way, lad…fucking yourself on me…”

“Hamish,” Eggsy whimpers. Merlin gives him an evil grin. He knows what dirty talk does to his boy. 

“Maybe I’ll wear the kilt all the time…you’ll be making dinner and I’ll spin ye from the stove, bend ye over the table and fuck ye whenever I want.”

“Fuck, babe,” Eggsy whines.

Merlin thrusts in hard and holds him still. “Touch yourself. I will nae move again until ye are close.”

“Fucking bastard,” Eggsy snaps, but he releases the kilt with one hand and starts stroking his cock.

“That’s right…I want ye on the edge before I move again…want to fuck the come right out of ye.”

“Hamish!” Eggsy almost yells. He begins to shudder, thigh muscles tightening.

“That’s it.” Merlin bucks up his hips and Eggsy’s coming. 

“Fuck…fuck fuck…” The come drips hot and white onto Merlin’s stomach.

“Eggsy…” Merlin’s hand clench onto Eggsy’s hips, dragging him up and down a few times before he spills into the condom.

“Fuck,” Eggsy says again, slowly bending down to rest his face on Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin kisses the side of his head. 

Once Eggsy catches his breath he slowly moves away, carefully peeling the condom off. He disposes of it and comes back with a warm flannel to wipe Merlin down. “Ye always take care of me, lad.”  
“Someone has to.” Eggsy puts the flannel away and gets them each a drink of water before climbing into bed and snuggling close. “Christ, that was incredible.”

“Every time I think sex with ye cannae get better, it does,” Merlin says. “Ye are insatiable.”

“You are inspirational.”

“Ye are perfect.”

“Mmm.” Eggsy kisses him.

“Did ye really enjoy your party, lad?”

“I did. And I know you paid for it, so thank you.” 

“I have another gift for ye, if ye would like it.” Merlin stiffens a bit.

“Babe.” Eggsy sits up to glare at him. “Ye already got me a new coat, and those headphones, and the party…”

“And this didn’t cost me anything, although it’s worth more than I ever thought possible.” 

Eggsy frowns and puts a hand on Merlin’s chest. “Hamish.”

“I’m going to be coming and going a lot once the album drops. Our relationship will be tested, although I can assure ye I dinnae want, and would never want, anyone else. You and only you.”

“You and only you,” Eggsy echoes, kissing him.

“I was thinking perhaps we could get a flat together.” Eggsy’s mouth drops open. “This has been ideal for one person, but for two grown men it is a bit snug. I thought we could find something with a second bedroom and decorate it for Daisy. She did ask for that, after all.”

“Ya want me to move in with you?” Eggsy stares at him.

“Aye, if it sounds good to ye. That way when I am on the road and ye are unable to come with me, there is someone there to look after the place. But only if ye wish it. Your mother and Daisy seem to be doing well now, and…”

“Yes. Yes. Of course I fucking wish it.” Eggsy tumbles onto him and kisses his breath away. “I love you so much.”

“You wish it.” Merlin cannot believe it. “I love ye as well, lad. You and only you.”

“You and only you, forever.”


End file.
